My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal page 89

[Pebbles67]

As an only child, I have no advice on the sister thing....but put the chocolate down and back away.

[jenn26point2]

haha Thanks, Paula.

I think I figured out what bothers me most about the whole thing. It's not that I'm not getting the same thing in return b/c honestly, if it was offered, I'd probably turn it down b/c it's not needed. What I think bothers me the most is that while I was forced to go out and become independent, they continue to cater to her and support her every desire. I was forced to move out and become an adult, whereas she's been allowed to remain dependent on them. Every time she has a problem, instead of making her sink or swim, they throw her arm floaties. They never let her figure things out on her own.

Instead of making her live in an apartment until she can afford to buy her own house, they buy one for her. I know what's going to happen. She's going to get into this house. She's going to meet someone and he's going to have a bigger/better house and she'll ditch this one like a bad habit and my parents (actually grandparents) will be stuck with this one. It's not enough for her needs, and once something better comes along, she'll split. The second my grandpa (he's actually the one buying the house) makes her mad or tries to butt into what she's doing with the place, she'll ditch it and stick him with it out of revenge. And since it's his house, he has every right to do that.

This is how illogical this whole thing is.. she doesn't even have possession of the house yet. The closing hasn't yet taken place b/c the mortgager can't find the abstract (the house was repossessed and the bank that owns it can't find the abstract). But, she's gone in and painted the place anyway. That really has nothing to do with the overall problem, except that if the sale doesn't go down now, she's SOL in regard to the money she's paid already.

The thing is that she always thinks she runs the show, and then when things don't go as planned, Mom and Stepdad always bail her out. They've never allowed her to truly grow up, and once they're gone, she's not going to know how to take care of herself.

This is one instance where I'm so glad I'm exactly like my dad. I'm independent, strong and capable of taking care of myself without the help of others (well, I guess I probably need my husband to some extent, but I have lived on my own and managed my own life previously and did it without any help, so I know I can do it again. I don't think she can...

ANYHOW... that's what I figured out today.

[Sabine]

Family issues...they're rough. Breathe deeply.

[tomi]

sorry, Jenn ---- family stuff can be messy and can really screw with your head!

[jenn26point2]

FINALLY! 189 hit the scale this morning. OMG I've waited a WEEK to see that number. I know a week isn't very long in regard to weight loss but when your losses come every couple of days, a week is an eternity!!

I had a Nestle Chocolate milk today... bad idea. I feel like a dead horse that's been in the sun too long. Poke me with a stick and I'll pop, I'm so bloated! Bad decision. Oh well. I had an atomic fireball too. Now I think I'm done with the little splurges that have been plaguing me this week.

Now I can get back on track. I plan to follow the Whole30 for the most part this weekend with the exception of cream cheese pancakes tomorrow morning (or maybe tonight for dinner...).

I'd like to go to the farmer's market tomorrow, but I think I'll have to pass. They're doing a 7 mile race in the same town tomorrow called the Bix 7. If you're from Iowa or Illinois, chances are you've heard of it. The winner gets a car, thousands of people show up, every year a Kenyan wins it... kind of a big deal around here. So there will be WAY too many cars in town to attempt a visit to the FM, which bums me out quite a bit. Oh well, I'm sure my sister will want me to help her move anyway - still haven't heard from her. Don't even know if she's moving since the bank lost the abstract... who freaking knows anymore. I figure if she wants me to help, she'll ask, right?

But yeah, I'd like to go to the Farmer's Market... get some free range pork, maybe find some good grass-fed steaks since the last ones sucked so badly. Some chicken would be nice too.

Just found out my VFFs won't be delivered until the 1st... what's the point of the "Warp Speed Guarantee" that they'll have my shoes on the truck in 2 hours if it'll still take a week to get them. Guess I should have upgraded to 2-day shipping... :/

[jenn26point2]

'Nother vent... skip if you wish.

My how feelings for people change when they throw money at you... For the last few Christmases, my sister and I haven't gotten gifts from our grandparents (the ones buying the house for her) because they've gotten gifts for our kids instead. My sister and I are the only ones at christmas who don't get gifts, and it's quite awkward, but whatever, I get over it. But my sister holds a grudge and doesn't ever have a nice thing to say about them. That is, until they bought her this house... and tonight, I guess they're taking her to Kohl's to pick out an area rug as a housewarming gift. Now that they're throwing money at her, they're awesome people. (Mind you, they also bought and paid for and builty my mother's house, which is supposed to be part of my stepdad's salary - but it's an expensive house - 4 bedroom, LARGE kitchen, oak cabinets and doors... pricey - and my mother/stepfather have already pretty much trashed it by smoking in it and letting their cats puke all over the place, staining the carpet). While I want for nothing because Brad and I are doing just fine and whatever we want we get, I still can't help but feel a little resentment that they've never gotten us a housewarming gift... Forgive me, please, for wishing they'd bought us a toaster or something...

I'm independent. I can get by on my own (with my husband, of course) and don't need charity or handouts from my family. I have my priorities in line and I'm working to improve our lives, without the aid of others. We are strong, we are proud, and we are capable.

I know my sister is resentful of our "riches" because I've heard her comments. Her "must be rough" or "must be nice" comments when we've purchased something that we've worked hard to purchase. So I know she harbors resentment toward us for what we have, but the difference between what we HAVE and what she's GETTING is that we've worked our asses off to get it.

I did 9 years in the army and did the work to earn a bachelor's degree while pregnant and with a 2 year old in the house while my husband worked second shift to get where I am now. I took the initative to further my education to the graduate level (YAY! Only two semesters left!!). My husband worked hard to get his education in skilled labor. Because of our hard work, we make an obscene amount of money (well, obscene to us... many others in our line of work get paid WAY more than we do - in fact, I'm at the bottom of the monetary food chain where I work, literally. There's only one person in my command who makes less than I do... and it's only $1,000 a year less). Because we make an obscene amount of money, we also spend an obscene amount of money. Our money woes are our own fault, like most everyone's, but we don't ask for handouts or charity because we KNOW how to correct the situation and are willing to do the work to correct the situation. We are willing to forego a night out on the town with buddies saving us from paying a sitter and spending money better spent on other things when funds get tight. Date night? What's that??? We've got diapers to buy... there's no room for a date night.

Anyhow, she resents me for what I've earned, while I'm resenting her for what she's being given. So, while I'll thrive as she's struggling to survive, I can't help but feel like the bastard child sitting hungry in the corner while everyone else is given a free meal...

Oh well. Like Sabine said - Get over it or it'll drag you down.

[jenn26point2]

Update on my appt:

I went to the nose doctor. He showed me my scans. My scans showed no air space in the sinus cavities. He said he doesn't know if it's infection, scar tissues, polyps, or what it is. But since I have no pain any longer and the nasal spray seems to be working, we opted to do one week of oral steroid to further relieve the inflammation and to continue the nasal spray. We'll revisit the CT scan in a few months to see if things clear up. Until then, surgery is off the table.

[tomi]

sounds like you're starting to uncover some really deep seated anger and resentment towards certain party's in your family. Keep working through it --- don't let it get buried and fester more. Keep journalling about it - and keep working through it. Maybe consider talking to a counselor if you think it would help.

You'll be amazed at how much lighter you feel once you get through it and release it.

Yeah on the 189! we're even now! Lets see if I can keep up with your momentum! Enjoy the pancakes and whipped cream - and have a great weekend! Think of me tomorrow as I'm trying to make small talk with 70 or so total strangers at my hubby's family reunion! UGH.........

[Sabine]

Okay, Sabine being a bitch, here: What's with the chocolate milk on the very morning that you hit 189, which you have been waiting on for a week? Almost seems like you are setting yourself up to fail. In conjunction with these feelings being stirred up by your sister's situation, it makes me wonder if chocolate milk was a treat for you when you were younger.
Just a thought.

[Pebbles67]

189 Yay!

+1 to what Tomi said. Lay it all out here.

I think the decision made by you and your ENT is excellent. I hope you feel better every day.