My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal page 73

[KimT]

Wow, that was a day! Now it's over, so onward and upward tomorrow. Or should I say onward and downward....at least on the scale? How did the presentation go?

Hope you have great success on the next Whole30 like the Whole24 you made it through. I'm sitting a few pounds more than you right now. I'm making slow progress and have dropped 12 pounds that I had gained prior to moving, but I've still got 25 to get to my lowest weight.

Poor kid. Hope you both feel better soon! I'll be stalking your journal.

[jenn26point2]

So, this morning has been spent annoyed with my husband bc right now he's out fishing with his brother in law while I'm at home chained to two children and a messy house. I wanted to post on facebook that it sure would be nice if I could have a day to spend doing what I want to do and not have to worry about what my kids are getting into, how much work needs to be done on the house, etc, etc, etc... and then it dawned on me... I have no idea what I would do with that time. None. The only things I can think of involve my husband (fishing or camping) or involve my kids (scrapbooking - I would scrap pictures of them). I have zero things that I do or would do that would not involve someone else and it's depressing as hell.

I don't go partying. I don't have any friends so hanging out with the girls isn't possible (I truly don't have any friends... I have close acquaintances, but no one I would call up and say "hey, let's go hang out or do this or do that". I have two really good friends, but they live in Arkansas or Florida and I never see them).

Even before I had kids, all I did was clean the house, sit around, do homework b/c I'm always in freaking school.


I have no life. No identity. Nothing that defines me except for my kids. No hobbies. No interests. Nothing to fill my days except my kids. If I didn't spend my whole day with my kids, I have no freaking clue what I would do with my time.

So I guess for the time being, I'll fold some more laundry... *sigh*

[KimT]

I'm sorry you're feeling annoyed. I identify with so much of what you said. Wish we were closer so we could hang out. I could use some girl time too. I can't offer anything except understanding and a virtual hug.

[Cupcake4248]

I, too, am depressed by that very thought often. I hate that I have to work my entire existence (because I work at night) and my husband gets to come home in the evening, deal with the monsters (who love him to death and are completely different when its just him) for only about 2 hours and then put them to bed and do whatever the heck he wants. I try not to think about it though since he would do more (maybe) if I asked him, I just want things done the "right" way so I do them myself. We don't have friends either. His friend we have been trying to get together with for months and he always comes up with excuses. I don't have any friends except my husband and my kids and dog. its a sad life but I really do love it mostly. Some times though, I just want to exist and not have anything to HAVE to do. Just exist.

[Sabine]

Go make some friends, if you want some!
Try out some hobbies. This is completely within your control, so if you want it: do it!
If you don't: revel in being at home, and having your nest to yourself.

[longing2bfit]

Jenn it seems a lot of us know this particular issue! I am at the stage in my life where I have become comfortable with my solitude and enjoy my alone time! But when I was younger I had the need for friends. ((hugs))

[theprimalcajun]

I have no life. No identity. Nothing that defines me except for my kids. No hobbies. No interests. Nothing to fill my days except my kids. If I didn't spend my whole day with my kids, I have no freaking clue what I would do with my time.
*sigh*

hey jenn! just checking up on ya. I can sympathize with what you said in this post. I at one time felt the same way, early on in our marriage. I used to cry at night in honey's arms cause I was sooooo bored! At the time we were living in a travel trailer (which I loved) but lets face it, there's not alot to keep clean! That's actually when I started gaining weight, because I just sat around & ate & watched soap opera's. Bless his heart I remember him asking me what did I want to do? What hobbies did I think I would be interested in? I already crocheted, but you can only do that for so many hours a day...I needed something else. So we went to the hobby store to "shop". So I tried different things. Nothing really lit a fire under me tho. I also didn't have any friends because we travelled with work & there was really no time to cultivate friendships. That rocked along for a few years & then I started doing some genealogy(his first then mine). Then I became obsessed with it & for 2 years thats all I did. That was kewl. And back then we didn't have the internet. All done the "old fashioned" way. Will spare you the rest of the story.

Honey & I have never really had friends either. Just while we were on the island...then we had a "social" life. But even now...no really good friends to hang out with. Just my family really. We've always been good with each other's company. And I love my alone time! Now I quilt, or read...those are my 2 main hobbies now. Throw in some soapmaking/crocheting once in a blue moon & I'm good. If I need girl time I have my mom close by now. I agree with Sabine...think about what interests you & try it out! I've tried floral arranging (loved it but how much can you do?), macrame (loved it), scrapbooking (loved it but hate dragging it all out & then putting it all back up!), canvas painting (NO talent for that!), tole painting/folk art painting (absolutely loved it & did for quite a few years, but same thing...can only have so many painted things!), jewelry making (not my thing), ceramics (not my thing either)...& on & on. LOL But the thing that has really struck that chord down deep in me & has given me the greatest satisfaction is my quilting. And I've stuck with that the longest & don't ever see it going away. So try different things! Wander down the isles at Hobby Lobby or Michael's...or go to a craft show & see what folks are doing to get some ideas. I think its important that we have a creative outlet...while I think its great to be a mom & a wife...that doesn't really "define" who I am as a whole person...not totally. You're still young! So go forth & find some kind of outlet!!!! Or friends if you feel the need for them.

{{{hugs}}}

[jenn26point2]

Actually, just writing that helped. I was angry with DH b/c he was out fishing and I was stuck at home with the kids. After I posted that, I realized that the reason I don't get any time to do anything I want to do (responsibilities aside) is because I don't ask or it. I don't have anything I do that's just for me, so I don't ask for the time, and as such, I don't get it.

I'd love to just get away for a day and scrapbook, but like you said PC, dragging it all out and putting it all back is such a drag that it almost doesn't make it worth it. I'd spend an hour getting it all out and set up, then spend another hour putting it away.

After I posted that, I didn't mind doing dishes and laundry and I wasn't annoyed by my kids' requests after that.

I have a friendship I'd like to rekindle but our lives are so different now. She's got 5 kids, all unplanned, and is unemployed so she doesn't have much. Currently, she's living with her parents with 5 boys! I have two kids, both planned, a husband, a home... everything anyone could ever want. I'd feel self-conscious of that, I think, if she and I were to start hanging out again. Maybe we could start with walking. I do miss her as my friend.

What would REALLY be great is if Melanie and Crystal could leave Arkansas and Florida and move up here to Iowa so we could hang out all the time. I love my girls and wish we could hang out again (we hung out one time in February 2011 when we all met in Orlando so Crystal and I could run our first half marathons together). But, they'll never move up here and I can't move down there. Same reasons - family, etc, etc, etc.

Dirty night at the races, so I'm going to zip through the shower and go to bed. Night, ladies.

[marthat]

Hi, Jenn, I've just popped in to your thread because I know your name from the Whole30 threads. Read the last couple of pages. Have you considered getting out and volunteering in some way? It's a great way to be involved in something, meet people, give back - very heart-satisfying. Ideas would include any church activities, sports activities (coaching, team managing, fundraising), community events, Habitat for Humanity, Special Olympics, Adult Literacy tutoring, Seniors visiting in care facilities, hospital volunteering, nature clubs (your local sport fishing organization?). Endless possibilities. Do you have a local quilt guild or weekly quilting group you could join?

I'm sure you have many gifts that you could share outside of your family, and you would be the richer for it, too. Just my two cents worth... All the best!

[tomi]

Jenn - hope you're feeling better about things today. It is hard being at home with little ones - I've been there. There is more opportunity to meet other moms as the kids get older and get into sports and other activities. But - there is nothing like the comfort and solice of old friendships. Maybe a nice long phone call with one of your girls is what you need!

Hows the hand, foot and mouth illness going? Its going around the country with a vengence right now. My nephews entire family got it. Started with my nephew, the dad......... then spread to the kids and his wife. I hope you're little guy has a very mild case of it, and it passes quickly without passing on to anyone else. It is quite contagious - so be careful who is exposed.