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Thread: My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal page 47

  1. #461
    kalli889's Avatar
    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey Jenn: just wanted to stop by and say that I hear where you're coming from, and it sounds like you're trying really hard while spinning all these plates. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. <<hugs>>
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  2. #462
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    Thanks for the link, Lex. I'm reading through the information now.

    After my request last night, not another word was said. This morning, his text messages have been more pleasant - more information-sharing rather than negative.

    Counseling would probably be a good idea, but I'm afraid that by bringing it up, we're admitting to a problem we don't want to acknowledge for fear of the problem, ya know? Kind of like "pay no attention to the elephant in the corner" kind of thing. i will talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see her in the next couple of weeks.

    I know I feel some resentment toward him when it comes to caring for the kids and the house. I feel like most often the job is pushed off onto me rather than both of us. If one of the kids is fussing and I can't get anything done, I have to ask him to step in and take care of it rather than him just jumping in. Unloading and loading the dishwasher can take a hour sometimes b/c I have a kid at my feet asking for this or that or wanting to be held, so the dishes take a back seat. Same with everything else around the house. By the time the kids have gone to bed, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and don't give a hoot about dishes (or whatever other chore I've ignored).

    I tend to just drop whatever I've walked into the house with wherever I can find room for it b/c no sooner than we enter the house and the kids have 6 different requests.

    "Mom, can I have milk?"
    "Mom, can I watch cartoons?"
    "Mom, snack?"
    "No, Mom! This cartoon!"
    "Mom, can I have milk?"
    "Mom, can I eat?"
    "Mom, what's for dinner?"
    "Mom, where's Daddy?"
    "Mom, can I go to Grandma's?"
    Mom, Mom, Mom!! I swear I'm going to change my name to Dad. They hardly ever say that name!

    I swear sometimes it feels like I have 4 kids instead of just two... And since I tend to just drop stuff wherever, the house is a mess. mail stacked everywhere. portraits and pictures the kids have drawn and the schools have sent home piled up here and there. Coats on the floor. Purse on the floor. Where the hell did that sippy cup go? Ugh... is this clean?? it's a mad house until about 8 when dinner is done and the kids are getting ready for bed. And on most days, DH is over at his dad's working on the race car until 7 or later.

    Anyhow, that's my rant for today... My sister is offering me a break and taking the kids tonight to play with her kids so I can go to the races without kids to chase. So glad she did that. Now I can go to the pits and chill with the race team instead of being stuck in the stands and having no idea what's going on. Even though I'll be put to work in the pits, it's rather relaxing since I won't be chasing the wee ones. I think going to the races with the kids is more work than staying home with them. At least at home they can run around and I don't have to worry about them getting snatched or lost.

    I have some work to do (wth? why is work cutting into my MDA time???) and then I'll be back to follow up on journals. I'm so behind!
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  3. #463
    tomi's Avatar
    tomi is online now Senior Member
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    Jenn - I'm going to tell you a story.......

    When I married the love of my life - we each had children from our first marriages. I had a son, 15, he had 2 daughters 8 and 11. I was THRILLED to be the "mom" to daughters!!!! Until I realized the daughters were not thrilled to have a new woman in their territory. They had been alone with daddy for 2 years, and had totally taken control of the house. The girls RULED! (mind you they were only here every other week - but they ruled 24/7 regardless). The weeks that girls were with their mom our life came to a complete stand still. We didn't eat out, we didn't go out, we didn't take the boat out, we didn't do anything!!! because when they came home and found out we had done things without them they would throw a hissy fit! If we painted a room or moved the furniture or changed anything in yard they would throw a hissy fit! They demanded control of everything and my husband let them have it for the most part. I lived with this for 9 years.......before I said - we FIX this or I'm leaving you. My husband had ignored the problem for so long that he about to lose his wife over it. We eventually started to doing things without them, and they learned to deal with it, but they didn't like it. We found a wonderful counselor and I told my husband he's going to counseling with me and there would be NO discussion about it. His oldest daughter is now 20, youngest is 17 but has pretty much moved on with her life and her interests by now - but oldest daughter is completely hell bent on maintaining control of the house!!! I couldn't take it any longer. It was do or die time. The counselor was working with my husband intensely, trying to help him step up and be the father and husband and take control of things. 8 months after starting counseling, things still hadn't changed much -- 20 year old was demanding that daddy sit next to her on the couch - not me. She was demanding that when he calls home to talk to me and she answers the phone that SHE will give me a message, he doesn't need to talk to me. JUST A LITTLE BIT OF JEALOUSY??? Finally hubby is starting to see. So now...... we're into counseling nearly a year - and I'm painting the upstairs hallway (covering the horrible aqua blue that we let the girls choose when they were 6 years younger) --- the girls come home from their time at moms (yes, they are still doing the "share" thing between homes while in college!) and oldest throws a FIT because we are painting without consulting her. FINALLY hubby takes control........ He tells her she needs to stop worrying about what color paint we put on the walls and worry about her own life! He tells her she doesn't pay the mortgage or maintain the home WE do and she needs to stop obsessing over it! FINALLY.......... the fight was over! When it was time for them to go back to their moms house at the end of the month --- they never came back. They got an apartment together in another town where youngest was going to go to college and oldest was placed for her student teaching.

    So why am I telling you this story???? Because WE lived with the elephant in the corner for almost TOO long, and it almost broke up our marriage. Hubby wanted to believe we lived in Cinderella and Prince Charming land --- we didn't need a counselor, we just needed to wait for the girls to mature and move on with their own lives! Once I finally put my foot down and let him know that things were going to change or I was going to leave him --- he started to open his eyes and see just how disfunctional our home really was. I forced him to go to counseling and face what was happening in our home. And it paid off big time! We are now stronger than we have ever been. Oldest daughter rarely comes around, and is very mad at daddy - although she won't admit it, but our home is filled with peace!!!

    When there is a problem in a marriage that is not being addressed...... its is just the same as having a cancer in your body and pretending it isn't there. It grows, and it continues to invade other parts, and kill as it grows and spreads. Don't play the elephant in the corner game. You owe it to your kids to give them a happy stable home - to demonstrate to them what a good healthy marriage looks like. Fight for what is yours.......... fight for what you want. Don't ignore that there is a problem until the problem completely kills off the marriage. FACE IT - head on! You married this man because you wanted to share a life with him --- don't give up that dream. Your problems are fix-able. Find a good counselor and do the hard work it will take to get things right in your home. Do it for your kids, do it for your future. Trust me.......... divorce is REALLY painful, even when you've given up and its all you want. Tell your husband how serious things have gotten and that you need counseling.

    Hope this helps ............... my heart is just hurting for you. ENJOY your time without the kids! We moms need to have a break now and then! Always more often then what we get!
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  4. #464
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    Thanks for your candor, Tomi. I appreciate it and know you're right. I just don't know how to broach the subject. I will ponder it. Thank you.

    I just ate a lunch I know I'm going to regret... The cafeteria upstairs had next to nothing to offer, so I went with the lemon pepper chicken with rice. Turns out the lemon pepper "sauce" is ranch dressing and lemon pepper seasoning. The chicken crumbled in my mouth b/c it was so dried out that I didn't eat it. only the rice. And now I'm eating a can of pineapple. Carb crazy.

    B:
    Lunch meat (Hormel Natural Choice turkey breast - no nitrates or nitrites, no MSG, no icky stuff)
    Colby Jack cheese
    Sour cream <-- is sour cream a fermented dairy??

    Sauerkraut and almonds for a snack later

    Lemon Pepper white and wild rice blend
    pineapple

    Not enough protein!! Might pick up a pack of Hormel turkey on my way home tonight to eat at the track.

    *****

    Tonight I have to go to a visitation for my aunt's father-in-law. He died of a stroke Tuesday night. He was a farmer. Raised feed lot cattle and GMO corn/beans. Probably ate his own products... they could have been the cause of the stroke... also had the classic wheat belly going on. I feel terrible for the family b/c it's flat out sad whenever anyone dies for any reason. Cousin is my go-to babysitter whenever I need one. This aunt, cousin and uncle are pretty close to our family. We invite them to all of the kids' birthday parties (even when we don't invite other aunts/uncles of mine and DH's). I'll go and pay my respects b/c they deserve it.

    The little girls of the mom that died this week were at the preschool graduation. They looked cute in their matching dresses and were having fun like little girls should. Their dad was there doing the video and picture thing. I almost feel bad for talking so badly about him. Maybe he'll be a better dad than I'm expecting. on a side note, whomever told DH that said father was at a race and called someone from the race to say that his wife had fewer than 24 hours was lying. Turns out the wife told him to go to the race b/c she didn't want the tickets going to waste and they didn't realize her time was so short at that point. The doctors never gave her a time period. She had a sarcoma cancer that wrapped around her heart in a matter of weeks. They did radiation, but b/c she'd had radiation in the past, they could only do so much before the radiation alone would kill her so they had to stop.

    one thing the group talked about in the garage the other night is how anyone they've known who had cancer and had a surgery to remove it had died... but those who avoided the surgery kicked it. One guy's wife was a nurse and set him up with a specific combination of vitamins and supplements. He had had some chemo in the beginning but stopped b/c it wasn't doing anything. A few months ago he was found to be cancer free just from the little bit of chemo and the supplements. So the word in the garage was "once the air gets to it, it takes off and kills you". I wanted to mention sugar, but bit my tongue and just listened instead. What do you think? Any logic behind that??

    Anyhow, I wanna get a couple more things done before the end of the day. More journals to read - haven't read a single one yet... geesh. I hope all are having a good Friday.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  5. #465
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    I'm sure they know that surgery isn't really what's killing these people. They seem to have noted that the victims died anyway. I think I'd take it as an opportunity to ask questions, "Do you think there is any merit with the supplements?" If you've had a positive experience, you could share it, otherwise I tend to avoid speaking up in those kinds of conversations. It's emotional, so it could get heated very easily.

    I'm having a pretty good Friday! I wanted to thank you for mentioning your concerns on sex because I found everyone's advice helpful as well
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #466
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    No, they didn't say the surgery killed the people... they felt the surgery gave the cancer "air" so that it could grow b/c after the surgery the cancer always came back and the person died from the cancer. I'm sorry, maybe I didn't word that properly...
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  7. #467
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    No, I think I understood. Maybe I am thinking that is too silly for someone to believe, and maybe that makes me a mean person but I am okay with that hah
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #468
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    Well, their argument was that those who survived it didn't have the surgery, so it must have been the air. I don't know... without looking up research that agrees or disagrees with this logic, I'm not concerning myself.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #469
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    Really, it's just coincidence. A few people in a particular circle of friends is not a statistically significant sample. Definitely not something to base decisions on. For what it's worth, I had a tumour removed surgically, and I'm doing just fine. Granted, it was a wussy cancer, but still... It hasn't come back, not even as a wuss.

    So sorry you're having issues with hubby. But you know, most marriages go through a rocky period, and with all that you guys have on your plates, it is not at all surprising. My husband and I got through our rocky periods because we were both committed to finding solutions. I also had to put down my foot with my husband at one point, but I can tell you that I let him know at the same time that there were many things I admired about him, and I thought our marriage was worth fighting for. And, to be quite honest, I had things that had to change too. It's rarely a one-way thing. He did appreciate my acknowledgment that this was not a good guy/bad guy thing. (I'm kind of kaleidoscoping things, it was quite a bit more complex than that.) Anyway, a marriage is worth fighting for and if you can agree you'll fight together for it, you can make it. It does sound like removing some of the external sources of stress could be helpful.

    If he is reluctant to go to counselling, maybe you could check into Mark Gungor's DVD marriage seminar. He might find that less threatening, and the laughter does help ease the stress. I haven't seen the whole thing, but the chunks I have seen were excellent. It could be a good starting point anyway.

    I will be praying for you guys. And do remember what it is you admire about him too. It's at times like this that we most need that list...
    5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
    Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
    Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

    More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
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  10. #470
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    When am I going to experience the energy surge everyone talks about? I am so wiped out today that I could barely drive! I don't think a RedBull could wake me up today.

    Update: things are better between DH and I. He's changed his attitude and is talking to me with more patience in his voice even when I can tell he's irritated to the max.

    In regard to Primal eating, my weekend was a success. It was at the least 80% primal. I did enjoy entirely too many grain free cookies (bought a grain free mix from the farmer's market on Saturday) and yesterday I had a Scotcheroo (rice crispie treat with peanut butter). But, no blatant disregard for my desire to avoid wheat. We had a cook-out deal at my mom's yesterday b/c an aunt who lives in California came home for a visit. My grandma was a bit upset that three of us are on specialized nutrition plans and wouldn't eat a lot of the food that was prepared. There was potato salad, pasta salad, deviled eggs, angel food cake, sugared strawberries, yellow cake, baked beans, and seven layer salad. I brought some pan fried potatoes in coconut oil, watermelon and sauerkraut. My stepdad grilled burgers (made from feed-lot beef), hot dogs, and brats.

    I chose the lesser of the evils: burger, pan fried potatoes (at least I know those were 100% primal), a deviled egg, watermelon, and seven layer salad. It's made with mayo and sugar for a dressing, and Grandma's deviled eggs have mayo in them, but there are three things in life you cannot avoid: taxes, death, and Grandma's deviled eggs. I'm more worried about Christmas when I have to avoid her homemade noodles. That's been a highlight of family get-togethers for as long as I can possibly remember. She's always made extra so I can take some home with me. It's going to be hard to pass those up come Thanksgiving and Christmas. Grandma even commented that hopefully next time we meet for a meal, we're all off our diets so the food gets eaten. I told her my "diet" is a forever thing and that I have no plans of ever going back to the way I ate before, and she said "never say never". I think she was offended that so many of us (three total) were not eating certain things that were prepared and provided for us.

    Question: my sister is following some goofy eating plan and I'm trying to figure out if it's something she read about or something she's made up on her own. She called it "high protein, no fat, no carb" but of course, high protein is impossible with no fat... anyhow, she can eat a junky burger from the race track (with mustard and pickles) but can't eat bacon, and her cheese has to be organic. No dairy otherwise. From what I can tell, and from what I have seen, she's eating ZERO carbs from the normal sources (like no fruits and veggies). I think any carbs she's getting are incidentals like would be found in eggs. I don't know what she can possibly be eating on this plan. I'd like to know what plan it is so I can check it out. She won't tell me b/c she knows I'll find flaws in it and will bring them to her attention.

    On a less "diet" related front, my son suffered a concussion this weekend. We were at the races on Saturday and he was his typical wound-like-an-8-day-clock self. At one point near the end of the night he was playing in my daughter's stroller (after I have told him time and time again to stay out of it). It's a tandem stroller with the front and back seats. Since DD had fallen asleep once, I had the seats both reclined so she could lay down. She had not stayed down long so the stroller was vacant. DS decided it would make a good playground and climbed in the stroller. At some point during his moving around, the stroller flipped over backwards and he landed on his head and neck. He got a goose-egg the size of a golf ball and complained that his head and back hurt (between his shoulder blades). We monitored him for a while and before too long he fell asleep. I would wake him periodically to make sure he'd come back to consciousness and he always did. About an hour after falling asleep, he woke up puking. We took him to the emergency room where he underwent a CT scan and a back xray. They determined he had suffered a concussion and strained spinal muscles and sent us home. The next day, aside from the remaining goose egg, you'd swear nothing had happened to him. He was rambunctious as ever. We had to slow him down before he ended up hurt again.

    So, in a nut shell, that was my weekend.

    Today I'm exhausted and just want to sleep. I have a pack of lunch meat (Hormel Natural - no nitrate/nitrites, artificial ingredients, MSG, hormones, or gluten), a pack of pepperjack cheese (the real stuff), some sour cream and some sauerkraut for breakfast and lunch. Not sure what dinner will be tonight. I have some frozen free-range pork chops, some grass-fed ground beef, and a free-range chicken (which I have already cooked in the crockpot). I also have some ham steak. Maybe we'll do tacos tonight with deer meat and ground pork. That means I'll have to shred a block of cheese... *sigh* work work work... lol

    OH! one more thing before I forget... I no longer have to attend the lectures for my online class. I spoke with my instructor yesterday and expressed my concerns. He said that attendance is not mandatory and I could just listen to the lectures when I can. That's good. One less stressor.

    I hope all are having a good day and enjoyed their long weekend.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




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