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Thread: My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal page 308

  1. #3071
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    My SIL has been following primal for almost a year - for the most part, but decided to try the whole calorie counting thing again. It didn't work and she feels poorly so she's using the W30 to reset her body and habits and get back to Primal - at least that's how it sounds.

    My sister is checking it out for the first time.

    ***

    Discussions about money and how it should be spent... always raise my anxiety. Brad and I have nickeled and dimed the furlough fund down to the bare minimum, but I hadn't said anything to him b/c we were still ok for the remaining 14 days of the furlough. He just asked what we were going to use the extra money for...The extra being what we don't need after reducing it to cover only 14 days... Sadly, it's not there b/c of our overspending and poor money management. I can't account for all the money spent, but I can show that it all went to our checking account to cover overspending - which we are great at doing. I'm sure he's going to be livid. Given that he's not texting me back after telling him that the extra is gone tells me he's not happy and I'm not going to like the text that I get in return.
    Last edited by jenn26point2; 04-24-2013 at 11:31 AM.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  2. #3072
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    I just wanted to pop in and say that you have my condolences on the whole
    bowling birthday party...

    But count yourself lucky, cuz here in California, at the shittiest bowling alley you
    can find (i swear, it looks the same from when *I* was a kid) it's 150 for two hours,
    ten people minimum. Zero pizza, zero anything else but shoes.

    We're going on Friday for my son's 11th birthday.

    So, just wanted to say that I'm really feeling your pain on that one.

    Wish I could drown it away with piles of Bacardi at the bowling alley,
    but, yanno, have to drive home, and it's really lame to get hammered
    at your kid's b-day party. Hahahahahahahhahahaha!

    Stupid bowling prices. At least it includes the shoes... Seriously, OH THANKS!

    Grumble, grumble.....

    Julie

  3. #3073
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    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    Our bowling alley isn't that great either, but the new owners are making improvements. Brad and I decided we'd buy pizza for everyone and they could buy their own bowling and shoes since more people would want pizza than would want to bowl. If it was $150 just to bowl, we'd find something else to do.

    And yeah, probably in poor taste to get hammered at your son's party.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  4. #3074
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    InSearchOfAbs is offline Senior Member
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    I hear ya!

    My kids always have the option of having a "kid party" with their friends
    and their friends' shitty gifts, or a "family party" and a NICE gift from us
    parents from the money we WOULD have spent on the damn kid party.

    Trampoline place would be an easy 300 dollars, same for the bouncy house place,
    so 150 for the bowling was good for our "activity". He gets to spend it with his
    cousins, so that's "kid" enough for me. Har.

    And I get to hang out with my family of ADULTS rather than 10 brats that don't know
    how to say please and thank you.

    150 is a small price to pay for that. HAR!!!

    There are about three really swanky bowling alleys in our area, but I won't even stun
    you with the price of those for 10 people. Jesus WEPT.

    Julie

    p.s. his "nice gift" of choice is a really nice metal detector... Not the piece of
    crap 19.99 variety from Toys R Us he has now. He's going to get
    rich that way you know.... Snort.

  5. #3075
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    My daughter is only going to be 3 so she hasn't had much say. As long as she gets to unwrap presents and eat cake, she'll be happy. I think we're going to have a birthday party at the local pool for my son's birthday in January (brrrrr). He's obsessed with the local swimming pool. Husband is obsessed with bowling all of a sudden, hence the need to have Kenna's party there.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #3076
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    I don't know how much the bowling parties are around here, but my brother had bowling birthday parties for, no joke, probably about 10 years. He just loved them. We didn't go bowling at any other time basically. The last two years, he's done laser tag instead (he's 15 now, so it's fairly age appropriate).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  7. #3077
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    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    So since my brain has to always be stressing, it's stressing. Primarily over money. Brad never did text me back yesterday regarding the money that should be in furlough but isn't. I have an accomplishable plan/goal to bring the balance back up to where it needs to be by the end of May. I hate doing the finances.

    Last night in class, we discussed some stuff that really hit home with me. Some questions people asked in class that I wrote down to evalute were:

    1. Why do you react to things the way you do? Why does this make you upset? (regarding any situation you may find yourself in)
    2. What is it about ME as a person (personality) that helped this situation work well/not work so well? What did I do or not do that got us here?

    These two questions resonated with me b/c they fit any situation in life.

    So, to answer these questions regarding our financial situation... tough stuff.

    Ok. I'll start with number 2 b/c I think it will help.

    2. What is it about me that got us here? What did I do/not do? Well, I didn't tell Brad no when he wanted to eat out. I felt lazy and didn't want to cook, so we ate out. I didn't pay enough attention when using paypal to pay for the tshirts for the racing team and the money came out of the wrong account costing us $140 in overdraft fees (ouch). I did not say no to things when I knew we didn't have the money in our checking and would have to pull it from elsewhere to keep things balanced. I have never been good at saving money - tend not to be able to keep my hand out of the cookie jar.

    1. WHY do I do this? Why does this upset me so? I do this b/c I am fearful of confrontation. I do not want to say no to Brad when he wants to eat out or do something that costs money because I don't want him to resent me for our financial situation (shoot the messenger kind of situation). It's easier to let it happen and then perform the creative financing to make it work out - at the expense of our savings account/debt payoff plan. Living in the NOW instead of the future. This upsets me b/c I am failing at my goals. On paper they are not lofty... in reality, they are.

    3. What can I do to prevent this behavior in the future? Grow a set of balls... or change the goals. Does changing the goals correct our situation? No. It just delays the freedom from credit cards we both seek, while enabling us to continue spending willy-nilly. We both want to kill our credit card debt... but we want to live like we want to live too. We can't have both. Something has to give. It's time for some change, I think. And that change has GOT to be in our spending habits, and my inability to say no when I know what our financial situation is.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  8. #3078
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    Gawd, I hate being broke and/or trying to save for so many different things/pay so many things off at once. Maybe I should change our financial goals - not try to pay things off so aggressively. This will require some careful consideration...
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #3079
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    It sounds like the end goal will always be the same, just the method needs adjusting.
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  10. #3080
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    ^ what she said. But I also think you need to have a more open conversation with Brad about finances. Do you "budget" for each category of expense? I can't imagine you don't cuz you love tracking and graphing and charting If you have X dollars in the category for eating out - and Brad can easily see that - then he should be just as responsible for saying "no, we don't have the money". You're his wife - not his mom. You're not responsible for telling him "no" --- but you can share the information with him - say, "Brad, we started the month with X dollars for eating out / entertainment - we have X dollars remaining. Are you sure you want to spend them eating out tonight?" You can make it a TEAM effort instead of having it all rest on your shoulders. And when the category says 0 dollars - he can look at that and decide if he wants to overspend in that category or wait until there are funds replenished. But overspending needs to balanced with under spending next pay period - no robbing peter to pay paul!!! That always ends badly!

    Finances are by far the worst part of making a marriage work!!!
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