I had to face the "my MIL uses illicit drugs to control her fibromyalgia pain" mental game again this weekend. Now she's elevated to smoking pot instead of just cooking it into brownies or vaporizing the oils. My sister told me this as she witnessed MIL smoking a joint during our Pre-Season race party this weekend. MIL told sister "I don't do it to get high. I do it to control the pain". Sister didn't buy it. The fact that she's openly smoking pot IN PUBLIC at a BAR bothers me.
I should be pleased that she's using a "natural" pain reliever instead of prescription drugs loaded with chemicals, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that it is illegal to possess, buy and consume pot. It probably wouldn't bother me so much if I hadn't learned about Primal/Paleo or hadn't encountered Tomi and Candy who've effectively placed their fibro in remission using Primal. And if Judg hadn't also put her chronic fatigue syndrome into remission as well. It just bothers me that she's willing to do something illegal to take care of her pain rather than take care of her body to prevent the pain. I mean, what's next? Oxy? Heroine? Those are pain killers too... what happens when she develops a tolerance for the pot and it no longer works the way she feels it should? What will she do then? I doubt she'd finally adopt a whole foods lifestyle.
I realize pain makes people do things they never dreamed they would do. I realize I have no idea the kind of pain she's in daily. I understand that. What I don't understand is why she won't do something about it instead of just masking it behind a drug induced haze. She said she didn't like using prescription drugs b/c of how they made her feel, the weight they made her gain, etc... but she's ok using illicit narcotics despite the way they make her feel? It makes no sense whatsoever to me! I thought the whole point behind finding a drug free cure was to BE DRUG FREE!!
This has affected our relationship to the extent that I can barely stand to look her in the eyes. I don't speak to her unless first spoken to b/c I am that disgusted by the behavior. And it bothers me that I have knowingly placed my daughter in her care, knowing she uses drugs... but at this point, I feel the rift between us would only get stronger if I stood up for my convictions and pulled my daugther from her care. I feel that it would produce a rift between me and FIL, me and SIL and me and Brad if I stood up for my convictions...
There again, why do I even care? Why do I even have this conviction? Is it because I have a drug abuse history that I am so adamantly against it? Is it because I have a degree in law enforcement and as such illegal is illegal is illegal? Is it jealousy that I'm not also getting high? I used to enjoy it quite a bit in high school and college. Some of my most memorable and enjoyable times with friends were had during that time of my life. Is it because I feel like a hypocrite for being so vehemently against it, yet condoning MIL's use of it by ignoring it? By allowing my children to be in her care knowing she could be under the influence at any given point in the day? Is it because she told my sister NOT to tell me and is essentially keeping it a secret from me/lying to me about it? Why do I keep getting so upset about this? *heart is racing about her lying to me about it... I think that's the reason*
Ok... putting that out there has helped... but I'm sure it's only temporary and I'll be venting about it again in the future at some point.
[/Vent] you may now carry on with your regularly scheduled day.