My Journey from Sugar Burner to Fat Burner - jenn26point2's Primal Journal page 119

[Judg]

You can't forcefeed people. The more we push when they're not ready, the more resistant they get. So leave her be until she comes to you. And the best way to make her want to is to do better than her, although that won't automatically change her attitude by any means.

I've just started with my MIL. Mind you, she's 82, so it's kind of late to expect any major changes. But I've just planted in her head the thought that diabetes is caused and can be cured by what we eat. It's an uphill battle and I don't expect much: her English is very limited and she has almost no education. Doctors are close to God in her eyes, and one should do nothing "medical" without their say-so. She was horrified when I gave my kids vitamins. She doesn't understand what vitamins are and thought I was medicating my kids without consulting a doctor. Yes, seriously. You can see why my expectations are low. I don't really expect her to change, but I'll give her tiny bits of information as long as she's accepting them. I honestly don't know how much she's understood so far, but I have told her that if she ate like I did, her diabetes would go away. She loves fruit, pasta, and carbs, and dislikes meat... At least she eats a lot of veggies.

[tomi]

That stinks about MIL, but fibro sufferers are just like everyone else, they need to come to the decision on their own. I had a co-worker with fibro and a ton of other issues. She saw the difference in me and asked. I explained. She refused to try it, but said she would "do anything to feel better". I finally told her obviously she wouldn't. People play the game of saying they want to improve and feel better, but deep down, they don't want to work for it and change their behaviors, they just want the issue to go away on its own.

Anyway, sorry about the rant, it just irritates me as a fibro sufferer. I know what a difference it makes.

School sounds stressful. I give you so much credit for continuing your education!

Ditto........ changing my diet has made my fibro retreat to the point that I feel I almost have a normal life! But my sister won't try it.......... she says she can't do this WOE because she is diabetic. She just won't do the reading to find that this WOE will help both! I quit talking to her about it 6 months ago. She made it very clear that when she was ready to look into it she would let me know. Uh huh.............

Sooo frustrating! And still she posts all the dumb "you can't understand my pain" posters on FB --- poor me, I have fibro and there is nothing I can do about it. I'll bet anything she is saying that I never really had fibro to begin with and thats why I'm doing so good now. She says "when are they going to find a cure for this thing?" ................ UH........... I have the cure, but you won't listen! GGGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!

dumb people.

[jenn26point2]

Tomi, honestly, I'm over it. She's on her own. I'm done trying to help. I am no longer sympathetic. I tried to offer insight on some holistic treatments that have proven to work and she's just not interested so whatever... This was enough to finally convince me she's not worth the effort. As of this moment, I'm done talking about her and her issues.

I contacted my professor and asked if I could get an extension on my paper. I got about half way through it and realized it wasn't going in the direction the syllabus wanted, so I have to start over. I was frustrated because of "she-who-will-remain-nameless" and frustrated that I was starting over and got really really stressed. Like blood boiling, hair standing on end stressed. I just wanted to run. From everything. I had the insane urge to eat chocolate but abstained, which only increased my stress. My professor granted me an extension til the end of the weekend. I think I can get it done by tomorrow as I think I finally have a direction to follow. I definitely don't want to stretch it out any longer than Friday for the sake of other assignments that will be coming due.

It's awesome how quickly I overcame that stress. It went from a level of 10 where I literally could not focus on anything except what I had to get done but couldn't get done b/c I couldn't focus on it, to a level of 4. I know once the paper is done, the stress will go away - until the next assignment is due.

I am sooooo ready to be done with this program and go back to a relaxed who-gives-a-fuck-about-anything mentality.

[jenn26point2]

Judg, I don't feel what I did was force feeding. I found 3 great articles from a Paleo based facebook group that I shared on my wall and tagged her in thinking they'd be of interest to her. She indicated she wasn't interested so I said "well... disregard then. Just thought I'd share what I stumbled upon". She has since commented the she deserves some credit after spending 3+ years researching, going to mayo, blah blah blah..." and ended with "wasn't meant to offend". I won't respond, b/c like I said, I'm over trying to help her.

I wish you luck with your MIL. I think I'm done advocating. I'm just going to live the life and enjoy it and internally shake my head at all the fools who won't listen. Such a shame how ignorance seems to be a way of life now.

Tomi or Kim, if either of you would be interested in the links I found, I'll be glad to share them with you. Not sure if they'll be of any benefit to you, Judg, given you have a different health complication, but you're welcome to them as well.

[Sabine]

So, how did you overcome the stress so quickly? Did it just pass, or did you do something on purpose?

[jenn26point2]

I told myself that my MIL doesn't matter. Her problems are not my problems and I won't let her problems (or her inflexibility, closemindedness or ignorance) bring me down.

With my paper, I did what I could... I emailed my professor to explain to him that I'm struggling with it and would like more time. It was like immediately after I asked for the extra time, even without hearing back from him yet, the ideas came to me and I was able to outline my paper.

I think stepping back and looking at things as they are and not what I see them as being, keeping them in perspective, if you will, is what helped. I can't help MIL if she doesn't want the help. If I can't get my paper done on time, I can't get it done... the world isn't going to come crashing to a halt and it won't make me any less of a person if I can't convert one person who desperately needs it to paleo or if I don't turn the paper in by midnight tonight.

I'll just continue working on me and screw everyone else. lol

Then I ate some almonds - I think the almonds actually did all the work.

[namelesswonder]

I'll just continue working on me and screw everyone else. lol

Here, here!

[Judg]

When people feel threatened, even a helpful mention feels like force-feeding to them. They aren't right, but that doesn't change anything.

If my MIL gets hostile, I will stop talking about it altogether. She probably won't get hostile, but I rather doubt she'll change anything. You never know though, she's more open-minded than her husband. But there's no way she will read anything about it; her comprehension of written English is very, very low.

We can still love these people, but we have to accept that we make them do what is good for them. We go through similar things with our kids, and more so as they get older and we no longer have the obligation, or even the right, to make decisions for them. It is a very difficult thing to learn. BTW, I found my MIL very difficult to handle when I was younger. We've both learned to get along better with each other over the years. Now she considers herself blessed by who her kids have married. Not that she ever disliked me, but it took her a while to get over trying to make me into her idea of a perfect DIL. Luckily we lived out of town... And I had a lot of rough edges that needed smoothing too, to be quite honest. That said, I never invite her over to our place. She's a housework freak, and I have CFS, and she just cannot wrap her head around the fact that I am incapable, not unwilling, of living up to her standards, or even mine for that matter. So she doesn't get invited. FIL neither, of course, although the reasons are slightly different there. DH is in perfect agreement; he knows how difficult they can be, more for him really. Better to visit them; we can find a reason to leave more easily than a reason to get them to leave. It's a tricky thing, learning to love prickly people, but it can be done.

[jenn26point2]

When she was first diagnosed, I had never heard of fibro before, so I started researching what it was. Of course, I learned that a 'clean diet' can help it, so I mentioned this to her. Her response was "it doesn't work for all". I should have taken the hint then that she wasn't going to change her diet, even to test out the hypothesis that it COULD help... She did, however, give up beer... she was a more enjoyable person (from my perspective) when she was still drinking beer.

I agree with the guest thing... I don't keep as clean a house as MIL either and I cringe everytime she stops by...

[Candy in Wonderland]

Judg, I don't feel what I did was force feeding. I found 3 great articles from a Paleo based facebook group that I shared on my wall and tagged her in thinking they'd be of interest to her. She indicated she wasn't interested so I said "well... disregard then. Just thought I'd share what I stumbled upon". She has since commented the she deserves some credit after spending 3+ years researching, going to mayo, blah blah blah..." and ended with "wasn't meant to offend". I won't respond, b/c like I said, I'm over trying to help her.

I wish you luck with your MIL. I think I'm done advocating. I'm just going to live the life and enjoy it and internally shake my head at all the fools who won't listen. Such a shame how ignorance seems to be a way of life now.

Tomi or Kim, if either of you would be interested in the links I found, I'll be glad to share them with you. Not sure if they'll be of any benefit to you, Judg, given you have a different health complication, but you're welcome to them as well.

I'd be interested in the links, please! I'd add you to my Fb, but I post a lot in Dutch, don't know if you would mind...