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Thread: I was used for my diet - a rant page 6

  1. #51
    denasqu's Avatar
    denasqu is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcarol View Post
    ... his physical attraction (which is far more physical for guys than emotional)

    Hey now! Don't be swinging that broad brush around here. I've been physically attracted to some pretty un-attractive women in my time.

    Why just yesterday I bumped into an old girlfriend that's about 12 years older than me.... which was way cooler when I was 28 than it is now BTW. She's in her 60's now and has gained significant weight but I honestly got a little bit of a chubby when I saw her because she's still an interesting and sexy person inside.
    "If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?" - Tom Snyder, talk show host

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcarol View Post
    OH this post is just perfect.

    To the original poster,

    I started dating someone who has met me in the middle of my weight loss. But I don't have 5 lbs to lose. More like 30 to 40. And he has flat out admitted he is not very attracted to me, about after a month of getting to know each other he admitted this. Am I dating him now? Yes. Truthfully, he laid out a long unconventional conversation telling me how much he likes everything else about me, and will support me with the weight loss but doesn't feel the attraction until that point. He thinks I'm "worth the wait" I suppose.

    Now I'm 2 degrees left from telling him to go f*ck himself, 2 degrees right from finally telling him he can be my boyfriend. Which he wants. I'm not sure if his brutal honesty is a good or bad thing. It's toying with my childhood romanticism, and I can't decide what to do. In the mean time we haven't gone "all the way" (wink wink) and we all know exactly why. No shit.

    A bit of a different situation in specifics, but similar in this: if you let this go and just wait until you lose the 5 lbs, you are essentially nonverbally contracting yourself to a certain standard your significant other expects you to maintain. By silently losing the 5 lbs, you do this. Are you comfortable with that? It doesn't really matter what others think. It's what YOU are comfortable with.

    Just like you said, if you gained 5 lbs by way of "letting yourself go," you would understand his complaints. So you do have a certain standard for yourself that similarly agrees with his standard of you. However, your understandable reason for this stress-induced gain doesn't register in his mind. A 5 lb weight gain is a 5 lb weight gain to him, and I don't think his physical attraction (which is far more physical for guys than emotional) will distinguish between a stress-induced gain or otherwise.

    Just a lot to ponder over. Now, my 2 cents about YOUR man (not my man). 5 lbs is such a tiny weight gain, I can't imagine silently contracting myself to that standard. My weight fluctuates +/- 5 lbs. And a size 4? That's perfect. If he is turned off by that weight gain, that's just SHALLOW. Doesn't matter what the circumstances. Even if you deliberately gained the weight. Guys can't notice if you cut your hair but they'll notice 5 lbs? No no no.

    I did a bad job of wrapping my response up in a neat bow but all my 2 cents is in jambles. See above.
    I had a man tell me "lose weight and get implants and I'd marry you". My response? I told him everything that was physically not the ideal about him (there was plenty) and threw him the hell our of my apartment and my life. You should do the same, IMO.
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  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by fiercehunter View Post
    Guys in general are like this a$$hole ime- I've encountered countless #s it seems. Of course she wants to fix the 5 lbs- for her own sanity and self esteem.
    Wow, generalize much?

    There are guys who think all women are cut from the same cloth of whatever derogatory you wish to insert; doesn't make them right. Nor you either.

    Nix, ditch the guy, can the explanation. He doesn't deserve any more of your energy than some variation on I don't think things are working out between us, so bye. Find someone who adores you. Don't settle.

  4. #54
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    There ARE some really great guys out there, I promise. I've got one (you can't have him!) and I know he's not the only one.

    And the quicker you start ditching the crappy ones, the faster you get to the good ones.
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  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
    Find someone who adores you. Don't settle.
    This. Absolutely without a doubt this.
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  6. #56
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    Wow, that's some really childish male behavior. Sounds like arrested development from high school. Good luck, it gets better. There are men out there who are attracted to the woman inside and out, not just the skin on the outside.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
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  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by tim_1522 View Post
    I'll probably regret this, but here goes.

    Let's say there *were* noticeable physical changes that accompanied the 5lb weight (that is NOT so much the weight gain but the physical change that CAN be bigger than the 5lbs would explain...

    I am not sure if this is what happened, but I've SEEN it happen on me. I've lost 10 lbs but feel like "look" better than having lost 10 lbs. I've also had it happen in reverse... You mentioned high stress and other factors which *could* be causing changes to the appearance unrelated to the number on the scale.

    Now IF this is what's happened here and, for whatever reason, the physical change (not so much the arbitrary # of lbs) has *honestly* caused him to not be as physically attracted to you...

    What exactly is he supposed to do? LIE? You seem to have specifically asked why he was not as interested in you physically as before. Now, you didn't say whether or not you asked if he was attracted to you in non-physical ways or if you did ask what/how he responded. Physical attraction can ebb and flow based on circumstances, but the other forms of attraction should still be there. If that's the case for him and it's just a temporary ebb in the physical attraction, I don't think you can beat him up for it...

    Now, I'll let everyone get back to your schedule man bashing.
    I don't buy this for a minute. Attraction is a biochemical phenomenon that occurs in the brain - it is generally amplified in men through sex. There is just no way that 5 lbs of weight is enough to flip a switch to make her unattractive to him. People frequently maintain physical attraction to their mates through many, many kinds of physical changes.

    He is either being manipulative, cruel, or using it as an excuse to get out of the relationship.

    People often suck. There is no way around it.
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  8. #58
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    Two years ago now, I had a boyfriend that I was seriously committed to break up with me out of the blue not necessarily because he didnt find me attractive, but because he was concerned that I wasnt attractive enough to impress his coworkers and thus would hurt his chances of advancement at work.

    True.

    Story.

    So yeah, people's neuroses can be really complex and layered and the more layers there are, the less they're worth bothering with.
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  9. #59
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    Better to find this out about him a few months after you met him than a few years after you married him.
    Wheat is the new tobacco. Spread the word.

  10. #60
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    Nix
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    So yeah we broke up. Complete douche. I guess it's better to find out now then later. Going to suck though because I still have to teach him martial arts every day. He's in my class. I guess I can always slip up and punch him in the face on 'accident'.

    Since Saturday I've lost 2lbs. Amazing what being back on a regular sleep schedule does. Unfortunately my mother, trying to be sympathetic to my situation, keeps trying to force feed me ice cream sundaes. She doesn't quite get it.

    @ faithy22: is the professor single?
    Height: 5'2"
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