HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It took me about 2 minutes of watching this video to get how funny it is. The other time I was "what the fuck is going on?"
The snake part is definitely climactic...
EMBRACE ME, FOR I HAVE SINNED!
Aaaaaaaaaah. I got up later (11), I ate bread, I didn't exercise and...*ahmfdgotherahbdthings*
I went to a fancy restaurant and had a steak tartar and there was bread there and I was hungry and one thing led to another and and and...
The experience was orgasmic nevertheless. The butter was flowing, the music was popping, the a/c was blasting... good times.
Thing to Rejoice For:
(1) OCD be gone#1- I didn't exercise because I was too sore and I didn't jump up the walls because of it. I didn't stress over not following the schedule and being lazy, I chillaxed.
(2) OCD be gone#2- I went to the pool in spite of looking at my mounds of flesh and thinking it was absolutely horrifying. The strethc makrs, the paleness, the cellulite, the fat, the funny looking hairs.... etc, etc! IT WAS ALL FUNNY LOOKING!
But I did it anyways. And all the annoying screaming children and their 50 year old grandparents didn't laugh and point at me at the public pool.
A bunch of dudes did stare at me but I'm hoping it was more of a "nice tits" kinda stare and not "that bathing suit is sooooo last season!" kinda stare.
Speaking of, to the dudes who might be readin this mindless babble: is that a normal male pastime at the pool? Looking at chicks? Not even swimming?...
(3) OCD be gone#3- I didn't bathe in sunscreen after I came out of the pool. But my face burned (damned BHA!) and dried and it's now red and itchy and gross. Maybe I'm allergic to the sun?!
The Dilemma of the Day: To sunscreen or not to sunscreen, that is the question? *stares meaningfully into a chicken skull*
Cause my face seems to freak out when I suntan it. But then again I look disgustingly pale. But then again I don't wanna get wrinkles. But then again you can see every little blemish/ stretch mark/ anything on my body...
Oh what's a girl to do? *faints*
I love you all, but I don't have time for you.
It's not you, it's me.
But we can still cuber sex.
P.S Contrary to popular belief: I DONOT HAVE OCD!
Multitasking is the key to good sex.
I've been eating a lot of dairy lately because I bought a giant container of Greek yogurt and some mascrapone cheese and they're just too damn hard to resist.
Today, for example, I had a fruit salad with banana, orange and strawberries with some Greek yogurt. I topped it with sunflower seeds. It was so good!
I also had a pomegranate and a peach.
Oh and for dinner I marinated a steak in walnut oil, garlic and dry herbs! I had it with some salsa, Greek yogurt and avocado. Tasted very Mexican and refreshing on this very hot summer day; there's just nothing like yogurt and cold salsa when you're melting into pudding.
* By the way, heating walnut oil = bad idea, it gets rancid and tastes bitter. But other than that it's my favourite oil.
I'd love to start eating dairy again, it used to be my favourite thing (probably why I had such bad acne). Even when I was well into my teens I would drink milk by the gallon just because Israel had some good, mostly homogenized, dairy. However it could never quite replicate the taste of raw milk which I had in Ukraine. I think it's why when I went to Ukraine my skin would clear dramatically, the dairy and even the wheat I'd consume was a lot less processed.
Now I'm definitely feeling the effects of the yogurt... My stomach is grumbling... And when I exercised (I suppose I exerted myself) I felt like I was gonna throw up for a few minutes after the shower.
I didn't exercise in the morning. I was making excuses, that no matter what I do I'll still look fat, be pale and covered with ugly stretch marks.
I figured if I've spoiled my skin/ body there's just no way back and I might as well be content with being a lazy slob.
I hate how irrational I can be; I've already lost 10 pounds and probably look thinner (so my friends say) but in my fucked up mind I'm still the same unmotivated, grain eating, overweight chick!
It scares me. I don't want to be 120 pounds and still think I'm fat! That's not why I'm doing this, my main goal is to feel good about myself - the numbers should be secondary!
That said, I am thinking of decreasing my weight goal form 130 to 118.
I know, it's huge. I just don't see enough change in my body in my current state.
I might be cracked up on dairy and my brain has probably melted from the heat...
I want to be satisfied with PB, but I'm constantly looking for something else. I'm such a cheater :P
My love affair with steak tartar knows no limit. If I knew how to make it without potentially killing myself, raw meat is all I'd be eating...
I just don't know where to start! Maybe I'll make a challenge out of it when I research it enough... If you guys know anything: I'm all eyes
I did end up, after 5 hours of bumming around, to get myself to exercise. I was sweating like a pig but I did it. And I felt proud. Now I have to get myself out for a walk, I'm waiting for the heat to subside, and for my ipod to charge.
stop. using. the. scale.
true story: when i got my RMR measured back in october, as the chick was doing my body fat measurements, i told her that i thought i could stand to lose another 20-30 lbs. she just stood there in disbelief and said, "are you kidding? if you lost that much you'd look emaciated."
and it really put a huge perspective on my own body perceptions. back in my CW days, i got down to 142, which was probably the lowest i've weighed since puberty. i wasn't happy in the slightest because i was still full of flab.
you know what i'm seeing here? i'm seeing you not eating to plan and half assing your exercise, and then thinking that setting ridiculous goal with a meaningless number is the solution. you're not seeing decent enough body changes because you're not doing it right. if you continue the way you are, you're going to be just as disappointed weighing 118 as you are weighing 130.
obviously these decisions are up to you as it is your body and your mind, but i am sure as hell going to let you have it if i see destructive behavior because i am a huge, caring bitch like that.
ps. good job on getting in a workout.
HANDS OFF MY BACON :: my primal journal
Primal since February 2010. On seventh round of P90x.
My Blathering, Babbling Journal
self loathing is not primal
Godsdammit Meaty, stop weenieing (yes that's word now) out. You whimper, whine, piss, and moan about not getting the body you want and then then around and eat a diet the antithesis of PB while not doing a damn active thing. I've had to raise my goal because 110 would make me a walking anatomy lesson (here's this bone, watch the pulse, identify this muscle.) You set insanely difficult challenges for someone who's essentially starting from day 1 every few days. You do get some exercise in, manage a level of fitness some dream of, turn around, and eat food to deny any body fat shifting, and then berate the workout for not doing it's job. Meaty, dammit, your journal helped get me into this, and watching you say you want to do it right, but completely falling off the wagon if presented with temptation hurts.
A couple hints before I go back to tending my earache:
1) 20% is fine, unless it leads to 100%. If you know that'll happen, don't give in to the temptation. See the "food" in question as dirt or paperclips. A few days of eating nonPrimal foods is fine ifa close friend or family member is visiting and you want to show off Montreal; but you'll feel much better psychologically and physically if you stay Primal.
2) I've seen you eat some damn fine Primal meals. I've heard about your work out results: "I has an ab!" You seem to be of the mindset that if you aren't 100%, you have an excuse, nay, a gods- given RIGHT to hop off the wagon and eat some of the shittiest (from a primal view) food around. Think again. 95% is better than 50% and 50% is better than 0%.
3)PB is a journey, not a destination. It's really hard to enjoy the scenery and traveling itself if you keep hopping in trash puddles and waist deep quicksand. It's even harder if you're concentrating so hard on a nonexistent destination that you are blinded to the effects and ideas around you.
"No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
My Primal Battle Tome