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Thread: Monday Is The Day!/ NoSaladWithoutMeat page 236

  1. #2351
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    Primal Fuel
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Meaty! I hope you find your happiness
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  2. #2352
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    NoSaladWithoutMeat is online now Senior Member
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    Dear forgotten journal...

    Oh wondrous internet, why don't you swallow this pocket of youth and nostalgia in your bountiful vastness?

    I keep coming back here, searching for a perfect formula of how I got to my happy ending the first time around.
    Yet I keep forgetting how tumultuous the journey was or how many people played a part in it (thank you!)

    I came back to read over my journal from the very first page, trying very arduously to ignore the people who crossed its path. (Just because it makes me really sad...)

    I was all alone here, in a brand new city, and these were my only friends. They cared, they read and tolerated my histrionics, they understood, they were patient, and they laughed at my jokes... ;P

    me2, Darth Friendly, Lindsay0311, Blorton, fotakou, PrimalEagle, ChrisJ, Northern MonkeyGirl, Minxxa, Zoe, Piano Doctor Lady, namelesswonder, Danish, Naiad, Aaron, Batty, CillaKat, Metismomma, Kev, Flash, Kunoichi --(I'll add more once I go through more journal pages) I genuinely feel the love and the friendship emanating from these pages, and it's such a shame I've met very few of you in real life...

    Regardless, I keep wracking my brain, trying to solve this puzzle. What has worked before and is not working now? Which variants are missing? I was only able to come to the conclusion that the only thing missing is *this*.
    I thought of writing a blog, but don't want the commitment. Besides, this has so much background, so many pages filled; it's not as scary as starting over from scratch -- it's like continuing on, like I never failed! (Right........... Good one.... ;/)

    I feel like so many of you have reached your goals and have moved on, to (in my mind) frolick in greener pastures of reality
    But I'm still here. Either avoiding what needs to be done or getting devoured by guilt for finding myself here again.

    I don't expect the same reception as I got the first time around (quite a few frequent visitors were entertained by my melodramatic musings) but I hope that I would feel some sort of accountability and stick to it.

    So, I'm at my heaviest now, the most I ever weighed. (I feel too embarrassed to provide a number, but maybe one day I will.) It only took a year to go from the golden 125lbs back to where I was, and 6 months more to surpass that.

    I finally graduated this spring. I'm still living downtown and my loathing for the city is growing and pestering.
    I'm moving to Calgary, Alberta very soon (September). It scares me (that I won't know anyone there) and excites me (because I've never been and heard that grass-fed beef and guns are a lot more accessible ;D)

    I've been on butchered versions of GAPs, Leptin Rx, Gut Clean Program, with not much success. The problem is I have very little money to spend on truly good food and I can't adhere to these 100% so I have to cut corners.
    I did spend a bundle on supplements, but again, not seeing amazing results. The weight just won't budge. Not even a little.
    It frustrates me and makes me think 'What's the use?' and turn to comfort foods once again. But I'm not the naive whiny 21 year old who started this journal so I swallow my frustration and rationalise my failures like a big girl. I start again...

    I look at everything very logically now, it helps me keep my cool and stop myself from feeling sorry for myself (and falling on the floor, throwing a tantrum).

    Right now I'm going through this journal and old ones I've kept to see what worked, what didn't and what advice I overlooked (plenty by the looks of it. I was such a short attention spanned kid!) I'll probably do a very OCD analysis of the patterns and conclusions of my findings. (Too much Bletchley Circle ;D)

    See you soon, journal!

    -Meaty/ Meatball/ NoSaladWithoutMeat
    Last edited by NoSaladWithoutMeat; 06-17-2014 at 07:13 AM.

  3. #2353
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    Meaty! You're alive! Sad to see you're struggling though. *HUGS* ;_;

  4. #2354
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    Meaty,

    I have no idea who you are, but welcome back nonetheless! I assure you that based on what I have read from others that you're not alone in feeling lost and trapped back at the beginning of your journey. Even without a financial wellspring, you do have a wealth of knowledge at your disposal from your previous Primal experience, and in my opinion that's more valuable than money. There are definitely affordable ways to live Primally.

    Enjoy your few months out east and get excited for Calgary. I have been to Calgary many times, and still go there once in a while for work and I think it's one of Canada's nicer cities. As far as grass-fed beef, yeah, you can get that just about anywhere out here. And as to the guns, they're pretty accessible anywhere in Canada haha, but there are definitely more places in Alberta where it is considered okay to shoot them.

    Best of luck on your return, and I hope you can see that this community hasn't changed in it's level of support for those who want to get rolling on their journey, or those coming back from a hiatus, or even those who have been around for 5 years without missing a beat.

    Cheers,
    - Jim

    P.S. You've got this. If you want it.
    Please feel free to follow my journal, unless you're seeing this link IN my journal... That's quite the paradox! I promise to keep my content up to date, honest, and hopefully mildly entertaining.

    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread107788.html

  5. #2355
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    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    Meaattyyyy

    I have hoped you are doing well from time to time, sorry to hear that you are having weight struggles. It seems like you are seeing your amazing progress mentally though, from revisiting your journal from the beginning. I made a mental rule for myself many years ago that I'm not allowed to go back and read my journals (handwritten or otherwise). I have broken it a few times, but mostly it feels better to let it all go.

    I am still struggling with digestive issues, but fairly happy and have found some reasonable ways to work around it, so can't complain too much.

    Congrats on graduating! Congrats on your move! I am jealous, so ready to move out of this area, but the $$ situation just isn't there yet.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #2356
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    NoSaladWithoutMeat is online now Senior Member
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    #1

    I went through 50 pages of my journal so far. Some of them are downright idiotic (all the whining), some of them inspirational (the few times I didn't bash my own body), most of them are hilarious...

    [[Some Quotes: "I'll be waiting, wet, hot and naked. But by the time you get here I'll probably be dry, freezing and asleep."

    "And then I think: Yeah, I should have a little bit of *DEATH*. Just a little bit of *DEATH* won't kill me. [I substituted the non-primal food in question with the word *DEATH*, for your convenience]"

    "The worst side effect of eating crap is probably the fact that I thought it was a good idea to watch the Twilight movies, to see what all the hype was about. And you know what? It was a good idea! Watching the Twilight cast acting out emotional scenes made me feel like I wasn't alone in my constipation..."]]

    But a lot of them are face-palm inducing...

    Hot runner guy and opportunity for hot sex for a lonely foreigner girl --> evades. *facepalm*
    Losing inches but not weight --> produces false conclusion that Primal is not working. *facepalm*
    Ranting and raving about how perfect my diet is and how unfair life is becaause I'm not losing weight --> ignores previous posts outlining chocolate and bread binges. *facepalm*
    Getting cat-calls from random men on the street --> ignores and goes on with body-bashing.
    Thinking dairy is Primal... *facepalm*
    20% rule turning into 20% of calories every single day... *FACEPALM* (the word "oopsie" at the end of each post was probably supposed to provide catharsis for all of the day's sins.)

    Christ, at this point I'm wondering just how effective PB really was that I lost weight DESPITE all of that?!

    I was distancing myself while reading what a 21-year-old me once wrote, so high-strung and emo.
    I mean, I was a thinner, fitter, spunkier version of myself. I was funny and witty, and obviously interesting enough for people to tolerate my immaturity and come back to read the journal, and I was wasting all this potential on hating myself!

    FO'SHAME!

    ---

    I'm old now. 26 in August, most of the time my diet is like 99% perfect and the weight won't budge. I'm sedentary and I'm stressed out. (This time I won't lie.)

    I couldn't be funny and energetic now even if I tried. I'm no longer inappropriately blunt or sexual (life experience beat it out of me and made me more PG), Godamnit, I wish I was more infantile!

    So now my cat is the love of my life (prophecies of a life of becoming a crazy cat lady are coming to fruition).
    I'm obsessed with reality TV game shows where people get to achieve their dreams (for masochistic purposes).
    I've stopped writing (my stories got eviscerated in class and rejected 5 times in publications).
    I don't read any more (as stupid as it is, reading other published authors makes me incredibly jealous and depressed; probably the stupidest idea my brain has come up with in order to cope.)
    I no longer try to make friends with people (I generally don't want to be seen by people long enough for them to tilt their head in pity and tsk tsk tsk about how unfortunately fat I am; "Oh but she could be so pretty...").
    I no longer care about how I look (sucks to be my partner).

    I know, I know, BOO HOO ME.

    But there's a little ray of sunshine cracking through above this dark pit I'm in... Maybe I can aspire to what I used to me?
    Maybe one day I can be funny again? Maybe one day people will enjoy reading what I write? Maybe one day I'll make friends again? Maybe one day I'll feel sexy again? Maybe.

    Here's to hoping! *Raises a glass of spinach smoothie*

    ***

    FITNESS: I really wanna start exercising again, but it's no longer easy to get into it. I get back pain and then become incapacitated for days. When I take some days to recover I feel bad about 'ruining my schedule' and about being so unfit (and other crap).

    I wanna do something easy so I won't feel like a complete failure (Horton's Great Body, I found on YouTube; only I'll do all 40 minutes, three times a week) and instead of sprinting (to spare the Montreal public a display of blubbery mass moving alongside traffic in alarming speed; hobos have esthetic sensibilities too!) I thought of doing tabata burpees once a week at home.

    There's this Callanetics thing (if you know what that is, you're savvy and seasoned and I like you) I wanna do but it's disgustingly excruciating afterwords (worst than any Jillian Micheal's workout I've done). I don't want to bite more than I can chew (and looking at my ass, you'd think I've gotten pretty good at that.)

    FOOD:
    I ate an awesome chicken Korma (no crap in it). Cherries. Some almonds, here and there. A few plantain chips. A spoon of salsa. Way too much dark chocolate (a few squares of a 70% with quinoa puffs, and an 85% one). A bite of cheddar cheese. Full fat yogurt** with the curry.

    I know I snack way too much, but I did this gut program thing for 3 weeks and it was really strict. I think I'm overfeeding now to compensate.

    SUPPLEMENTS:
    I take probiotics (8 billion per cap)**, FloraStor**, vitamin B complex, additional B12 (1,500IU), digestives with every meal**, magnesium (250mg) before bed if I remember. I'll add a ton of brick in D3 later on and fish oil. Not now though.

    **I have a really fucked up digestive system. I can't digest a lot of things well and weight-loss is impossible right now. I don't seem to take in a lot of nutrients so I'm hungry a lot too and tend to overeat (frankly buying vitamin B was literally like pissing my money away). Leaky gut syndrome or something? I don't know. I try to eat a lot of yogurt and kimchi and sourkrout though.

    Questions:
    If anyone's actually reading this depressing and long-winded post, some of the advice I gleaned from the journal that I'm not sure about and want your opinion on. Maybe some of you would have had experience with this:

    (1) Removing nuts and fruit altogether? (PCOS and hormonal issues)
    (2) Removing dairy, even butter and fermented? (they say it impedes weight loss but I need all the flora I can get)
    (3) Digestive enzymes, are they even necessary? (can't forgo the probiotics but the enzymes don't seem to do squat)
    (4) Sunscreen versus sun exposure? (don't want wrinkles )YIKES!( but I also seem to be suffering from some depression [might come as a shock to some of you, I know ;D])
    (5) Starch and weight-loss, plantains, sweet potatoes, wild rice? (I see a lot of ladies who cannot lose weight on VLC and say carbs help; sometimes I'm afraid my VLC bouts make me feel deprived and I resort to bad-binging, ALWAYS. Good-binging would be the carbs I listed; my theory if I eat them semi-often I won't feel the need to go wild. Then again, I am really overweight and Mark is adamant: "No carbs for the chubbies!" ;D)
    (6) Lastly, IFs. I used to do two 24h per week and I attributed 75% weight-loss to that, but should I hold off since my health and stomach are not in great shape right now?

    Wow. This is long. I won't make this a habit, (I promise nothing just wanted to get this all out.
    If no one answers I'll try to post it on the help forums.

    -NoSWM.

  7. #2357
    NoSaladWithoutMeat's Avatar
    NoSaladWithoutMeat is online now Senior Member
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    RittenRemedy!

    I just read some of your posts and wondered how you've been!
    I'll be all right. You know how I am. Whine now, binge later. Get really hot. Whine still... ;D

    I'll head over to see what you've been doing. You have a journal still?

  8. #2358
    NoSaladWithoutMeat's Avatar
    NoSaladWithoutMeat is online now Senior Member
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    Nameless,

    I've got a workaround the money situation. Find a suitor that is willing to haul your ass across the country and pay him in sexual favours.

    (And they say I'm NOT a feminist role model...!)

    You're probably right not to, cause 90% of the time I didn't actually list anything I ate/ did and how much I weighed. Fitness journal keeping FAIL.

  9. #2359
    NoSaladWithoutMeat's Avatar
    NoSaladWithoutMeat is online now Senior Member
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    Jim,

    Hold up, YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?!
    ME?!
    ME?!
    The MEAT? LE MEATBALL?! A LA MEATERONI?! The MEATZA?! THE MEATARATOR?! The... [You get the picture.]
    But how... But why... But...

    ;p

    I'm no one important. And you're lucky to not have witnessed my many documented dietary failures

  10. #2360
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    haha, welp I'm married now and the hubs is the stay-at-home depressed and not yet graduated student, while I fill the roll of bacon-bringer. Not the most fun at the moment. I would really like to be the stay-at-home not-depressed spouse at some point.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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