Monday Is The Day!/ NoSaladWithoutMeat page 225

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Today I realized that you can`t be depressed in the sun. It subdues you into complete nonchalance and laziness.

I woke up to go to a family picnic in the park (but barely). I only had 10 minutes to get dressed so I didn`t even get a chance to put sunscreen on.
My sunophobia is at bay for now, but if I see my hands deviating from my generally ghostly tone there will be a freakout.
I tan so easily. It takes 5 minutes for me to look golden brown and bronzer-commerical ready.
I just hate the tanned look on me; it makes me look like the average slutty Montreal girl, and you know I`m going for the famished and pale look, on the verge of death and martyrdom 0;3

I noticed that my face...
.......
............
..............Okay I just went on a tandem and wrote a long paragraph about my skin again.
Then I started getting sleepy.

You know you`re boring when you fall asleep during writing your own compositions... ;<

But anyway, I won`t complain about my skin today...

It was all in all a Primal day. I played ping pong by myself (people got bored after a while playing with me because I sucked). Frisbee didn`t work out either because I would just start screaming and run away (hey, that thick plastic looks like it would hurt if it smashed into my face. Every time I planned on catching it I changed my mind 3 seconds before it was about to hit me. That`s just a sign of good reflexes ;B)
I ate tons of BBQ meatz and chickenz.
andahmbreadahamahm
nasty cough.

Uh,
yeah.

I should do my homework but I`m so sleepy.
So, so, sleepy.

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

I came here to brainstorm.

I'm very conflicted.

Lately I've given up on actual weight loss and came to terms with what I really want/ need, which is health.

I naturally opt for VLC because it worked so well in the past, it's fast (cutting vegetables, AAAARGH) and it's tasty (vegetables, pee-ew). Plus, I think I'm addicted to that low carb high, that I didn't realize was a common aspect of VLC.
But I really think it contributes to me being carb sensitive on the occasion that I do slip up and a reverse affect ensues. I get bloated easily, I get freaked out. I give up.

I think last summer really scarred me. I was close to my ideal weight but because I was fasting consistently and eating VVLC, that week at NC for vacation really screwed me over. It made me want to give up, because I realized, to my great horror, that the "now" doesn't really matter. It's so elusive and it can slip through my fingers at any moment.
And that I will never have the thing that I didn't realize I wanted more than that number-- peace of mind.

Peace of mind that I'm okay, that I don't need to work hard anymore. I don't want to be obsessing with becoming and remaining thin. It's so stressful and time consuming.

So I looked back to the time I felt really good. That was the beginning of my Primal journey.
I actually had some energy, my skin was getting better, my eyes were this clear colour of blue, my body composition was great. But my weight loss was zero.

It's come to this. I must make a choice. Being thin or being healthy.
The thing is I'm very impatient. It's possible that weight loss would eventually happen, it just won't be that 1+ a week that I was so accustomed to when I was fasting and eating VLC.

I voiced this fear over and over again. I was so carb phobic that I was afraid of eating watermelon! (aka the food of the Gods)
I was afraid that once I go into maintenance mode I would gain it all back from eating higher carbs than my regular 20g.
Was that just an irrational fear?

So that's my dilemma. But I think I already made up my mind. What's left is to choose my methods: logging my food (which could lead to obsessive behavior, as it usually does) or just forget about anything and eat until I'm full.
If I don't log I might be eating too much and overcarbing. I mean, I can down half a watermelon and be under the impression I'm still Primal ;/

I think I will eat with worrying about how much and what, but still log it in to keep track of how I feel on a given day.

So, this month I somehow managed not to eat gluten without really trying. Because I wasn't constantly forbidding myself from having it I ended up not wanting it. I did have some icecream, and a lot of cream though, but that was infrequent.

Weight loss stalled since three months ago. I measure myself, but not losing nay inches either.
For a while I lost my appetite and I ate under 1200 cals. Some days I didn't eat at all.
The transition between SAD again to Paleo-ish was difficult, I guess.
But when I slip up I just get back on the horse the next meal. I consider it progress.

Cravings subsided pretty quickly. I notice that if I eat a lot of garlic it helps (?!) I just get thirsty but I don't feel the need to eat sugar.

I'm still on the fence about dairy. I've fallen in love with drinking cream, and I can't get up! ;D
Since I discovered lactose free whipping cream I've been drinking it like a newborn baby drinks milk (sans the milk bottle).
My supermarket adopted a strange love of coconut milk lately. (Could I have single-handedly caused this? I seem to be the only one who opts for coconut milk/ icecream over soy.)

We now have coconut yogurt, coconut milk in a carton with added vitamin D and an array of coconut icecreams.
Yay! Plus I've gotten curious about making curries but know nothing about it.

Also, thanks to marathoning MasterChef Australia (those Aussies take MasterChef seriously, yo!) I've started cooking a lot more. I'm really curious about making things and realized that with vast knowledge of basic cooking I can easily modify stuff I love into Primal stuff.
My favourite thing in the world is panna cotta. I think I'm gonna make it today! Wish me luck!

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

I'm gonna do this Primal thing right.

Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.

I wish I could get my hand on some insects!
I ate some (soapy?!) wild canned salmon and a simple salad. The oils I had was canola and vegetable oil so I didn't put any oil at all. I did use a handful of walnuts, garlic, lemon juice and a bucket of pepper and salt (I should probably buy some sea salt).

Move around a lot at a slow pace.

I cleaned and I intend to clean the entire apartment once I'm done my essay. Also, I need to go grocery shopping, it's a 20 minute walk and I snail-shop usually like a zombie at an all you can eat brain buffet. All those pretty ingredients are so distracting.

Lift heavy things and Run really fast every once in a while.

No. And I'm still not sure I'm going to exercise until I get my groove back. I used to berate myself for being fat and lazy and not exercising, but the truth is I just don't have the energy. Once my energy levels get optimized I think it will be easier to make myself work out.

Get lots of sleep.

I never have much trouble with this... It's more about the when I sleep, I need to get up early and sleep early. I'm probably the only adult who still sleeps like a growing toddler. I sleep 8 to 10 hours a night and I don't even know why Y_Y

Play.

As part of the play aspect of PB, I've decided that playing Japanese RPG games just don't cut it Y_Y
I'm going to attempt my very first MDA recipe! Behold this beauty right here: Slow-Cooked Coconut Ginger Pork | Mark's Daily Apple. Wish me luckage!
Also, a coconut panna cotta. To prove my resolve to this cause I had to use google translate to understand the only paleo panna cotta recipe I could find which uses coconut milk ;s
I really think cooking will be easier for me if I make it into a game. Otherwise I just opt to eating out or starving, because I'm so bad at it.

Get some sunlight every day.

I'm conflicted about this. I wear sunscreen religiously. I don't know if I should stop or not. It's wrinkles or vitamin D.
Dilemmas dilemmas.

Avoid trauma.

Nope! In light of the recent shooting and the psychopath video/ cannibal/ freak who killed a student from my own university (?!) you can probably imagine how traumatized I am. I'm already paranoid and hyper sensitive to the atrocities that are reported around the world. I actually sleep with a knife. Yep. What. The. Fuck. I'm also afraid of going outside sometimes.
And now that my parents are gone and I'm alone in my apartment, paranoia levels are steadily increasing.
I know it's an irrational fear and all, and if I die I can't anticipate it or prevent it, but for some reason I've become so frightened lately that it's really affecting me lately.
I don't know if it's because I'm so reclusive lately and other things escalate this sense of helplessness (like my imminent graduation and independence which I feel I'm ill equipped to deal with) or what.
I think I just need to avoid watching the news and checking my yahoo (I fucking hate yahoo! stop bombarding my consciousness with atrocities, celebrity drama and yotube videos with babies!!!!!)

Avoid poisonous things.

My cupboard is full of Ukraniane delicacies (err, more like peasant food) and so far I've endured. Yay me!

Use your mind.

Hey, I wrote this pseudo philosophical post! And I gotta write that 2,000 word essay on the socio-political views of Jonathan Swift (which was due 3 weeks ago. OOPS)! I haven't used my brain in so long that it might turn to mush.
Pray for me. PRAY HARD!

<3

Beautiful melodic song by the K-Indie band "We've Got Girls And Lots of Underwear" (no lie).

[Metismomma]

Aw Meaty...I crawled out of MDA forum limbo just come give you a hug and a "I know what you mean".
Praying for you <3 and good luck finding your way again. One suggestion...go round up some friends and have some fun. The crap that has happened the past couple months are hard to deal with, but it's worse when you're alone.

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Thanks lover <3


Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayuuuuun, this essay is kicking my ass. I can't write that freaking much! I already talked about all the points... This is so annoying!

Augh, I had to retweak my weight tracker (yellow thing bellow). It sucked... because I had to erase the measurements I once had, 27'' waist, 23lbs lost Y_Y
And now my progress is deleted. As if nothing ever happened.

Boo. Didn't go out today to the grocery because I'm stuck here writing this damn essay.

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Wow, you have such a wonderful selection of foods. My local grocery is pretty good, but we can't get horse here. I've been wanting to try it.

If you really do live in Tokyo I'm sure you have a lot more interesting things there than I do!
In Montreal horse is pretty standard, as well as duck and rabbit.

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.

I'm planning on frying up a big fatty steak, and making an Orange Cake.

SparkPeople is really frustrating when it comes to logging in your food. I might give up on the notion altogether.
I make my own food so it's infamously difficult to find non-packaged equivalents. It's like nobody ever made cabbage stew without using a microwave and a can opener ;/

Yesterday I didn't end up going outside nor grocery shopping. I made an English custard with eggs, cream and a tea spoon of honey. I love that stuff! I also had a lot of watermelon which I ate with a spoon out of the watermelon itself (I'm lazy), a can of smoked oysters and a cabbage pork stew with some chicken hearts and gizzards (so chewy!)

I don't think I did too bad. And I definitely avoided a poisonous thing (bread) when I was eating the oysters. They're canned in canola oil and the oil is really tasty because it has the smoked flavour of the oysters and I usually just dip bread in. But as I was sitting in my rocking chair (grandma style, yo!) I knocked over the oil contents. Problem solved Y_Y (though my parents room smells like sardines now. I have a week to live.)

Troubleshooting: I really was going to get some bread, but I convinced myself that I should eat primal food first and THEN see if I wanted it. That is, I determined if it was hunger versus cravings. Verdict: it was hunger.

Move around a lot at a slow pace.

Not really. But I finally plan on going grocery shopping.

Lift heavy things and Run really fast every once in a while.

Not really.

Get lots of sleep.

I slept a lot. As usual. Probably 9ish hours. Man, why do I sleep so much?

Play.

I tried to make this: Orange Cake | Gluten Free Cake Recipe | Elana's Pantry.
They turned out like muffins. They taste and look like muffins. But I cut the recipe in half because I only had half of the flour. I also used hazelnut and it wasn't blanched and fine like almond flour, which made them gritty like bran muffins. They still taste orangey and sweet, but oddly enough they remind me so much of the bready taste of muffins that I don't want to eat them... (?!?!)
I'll happily down a huge bowl of custard (eggs+cream) but I don't really crave baked things.
Odd.

Speaking of cream, I plan on making a leek and sweet potato soup with bacon, and then a panna cotta tomorrow.
Likely as a reward for tackling the longest essay of the century ;D

Wanted to post a picture of the muffins but they don't look that appetizing on camera.

Get some sunlight every day.

I don't think I'll put sunscreen on when I go out. Nor makeup. Lately, makeup is pissing me off. I'm so over it. It's not like anyone looks at me anyway.

Avoid trauma.

Yep. I didn't check my email. All I did was dance awkwardly while marinating my steak and work on my tedious essay.

Avoid poisonous things.

Yes!

Use your mind.

I finished my essay. It reads like the ramblings of a mad woman but it's done. Now if I edit it 20,342,340 times I will have something presentable.

<3

Sexy Kpop song.

[Metismomma]

I found that if I made stuff, I had to enter it into the recipe calculator and add it to my recipe box.
Recipe Calculator I have a bunch of stuff I entered whenever I make something from scratch, ie, all the damn time. Which is why I stopped using the sparkpeople tracker. It just took forever to enter it lol!

Mmmm oysters....

[me2]

Oh lawd meats is mental health on the horizon for us both? Are we going to ditch disordered eating and sail away into the sunset on the raft of body acceptance? I hope so! We can gliding on a pouf of meringue happiness, and likely annoy people around us with our Pollyanna states, but who gives a fux? I'm replacing "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" with "nothing feels as good as taste."


Any delicious man specimens?

I think you would like this new face product I found: Tallow for your face!

You should post recipes for all the creamy dessert recipes you are making.

Hearts and Kidneys,

Me2

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Oh lawd meats is mental health on the horizon for us both? Are we going to ditch disordered eating and sail away into the sunset on the raft of body acceptance? I hope so! We can gliding on a pouf of meringue happiness,...

Deep fried meringue happiness, you mean

and likely annoy people around us with our Pollyanna states, but who gives a fux? I'm replacing "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" with "nothing feels as good as taste."

Ah, me2, my soul sister. [Hey, even our pseudonyms are phonetically similar! Wait... was that your intention? Cause I only got that me2 sounds like meat just now Y_Y] We always seem to arrive to the same delayed conclusions, years after the world had dismissed it as a fad. Now, we forgo our neuroticism in exchange for a hippie philosophy of self nurture and copious use of saturated fats as facial products (I use ridiculously expensive food grade coconut oil that makes me smell like a macaroon all day long [but, in response to your other question, does not bring all the boys to the yard] or some emu oil which makes me smell like a chicken downed in an oil slick)

For a long time I had that tattooed on my subconscious, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" [Thanks a lot Tony Robbins, you JERK!] and it's actually THANKS TO YOU that I went to that Paleo For Women website (you're the only source of information in my reclusive existence) and resolved myself to a life of jolly fattiness ;3
So thanks [YOU JERK!]

Btw, UPDATE KTHANKSBYE. Or I will have to use force and cyberkinetic charms to have you deliver long, detailed journal entries to my private mailbox instead.

Any delicious man specimens?

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, *wipes brow* that was a good one... Oh man.

You should post recipes for all the creamy dessert recipes you are making.

Okay, but don't expect anything appetizing.