Monday Is The Day!/ NoSaladWithoutMeat page 211

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Nice pic joven. You are a hot toddy.

Oh the dastardly cheat food, it whores itself around so seductively then chews YOU up & spits you out. I had a similar experience; horrific. I think if you really do keep it to 20% or below you should be good.

Here's to you hitting your goal weight of 115. That sounds so small to me but I am born of hearty stock, much like a draft horse. You are obviously more of a Pegasus.

When do you graduate? What will you do then? I am glad you are finally sewing your wild primal oats while you still can.

I'm jealous you have a primal buddy.

Ewwwww!
Why would you ask me what I'm doing after graduation? That's just depressing!
I don't care don't wanna think about it.

Ah, when I was young (I never needed anyone) I had my eye set on being (a one eyed, apparently) rock critic. That kinda dissipated into cynical hopes of getting any job at all (and the prospects are slim unless on day I wake up and start speaking francais).

`The other day I saw an ad advertising an interview of this band with Rolling Stone. The thing is, I did a profile on them for the paper last year... and I'm thinking, gee, I'm the first bitch to cover these fuckers and now they went on to do bigger and better things.
Well I'll be damned...
I remember the lead singer complaining how he'd just like to be getting paid for his music, instead of working at a record store and doing basement-bound recordings (to which I said, it ads a certain unique, grungey sound quality)
I was surprised because, theses dudes are massively talented and I had a feeling they've got what it takes.

But yeah... It just got me more depressed.

The pain came back for the next week. I finally set aside my paranoid disorder and visited a clinic. They think it's kidney stones.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Why would I have kidney stones? I don't buy it but they want to do an ultrasound 'cause it seems like they honestly can't piece the symptoms together.

I decided to stay home for Halloween. Yeah, lame. After all the planning I did, all the expectations of rocking that Jessica Rabbit costume... I just felt meh. It seemed like everyone else wasn't as excited about it as I was, and didn't want to help plan shit out (or just flaked out).
So... as a sign of my appreciation I cut the fun at the root.

(Notice how I write entirely in cliches? Ya. Imagine writing an academic essays without'em. PROPS.)

So, Halloween weekend I slept all morning and was up all night.
I had the weirdest dreams, ridden with failed dreams and candy (Seriously... candy... and sweets and cheesecakes!)
I've got November 1st to look forward to, 'cause that's how I roll. A brand new challenge should make me feel less pathetic.

[DarthFriendly]

Lower right ride you?

Could it possibly be your gallbladder? Just under the bottom of your ribcage on the right side?

That's what got me to go vegan 12,000 years ago. Intense pain in the gallbladder for days. Thought I'd shoot myself.

Considering what happened in my life right after that I kind of wish I had.

Anyway, hope you feel better sooner.

[me2]

Hope all is well in your urethra.

Proof VLC is the shiz?

[Kie4baa5haec]

pray to Grok's Gods that my skin will finally look like that of a healhty 21yo, and that I will be able to sleep, get trhough the day without feeling depressed/self-loathing and will no longer be overweight and God, finally get my period back (I never thought I'd ask for that!).

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!


Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

It should come as no surprise since I only tend to write here when I've hit a new low.
MDA is that tolerant best friend I neglect when I get too cocky but come cry to when I'm friendless, broke and fat.

I don't know why I weigh myself without actually eating VLC. I tell myself I'm "trying my best" even though the bulk of my meals are of the CW variety.
It's steady at 136.4lb (EEEEEEK!), which is shocking considering I practically went on a Bonnie and Clyde rampage (only if they had bananas for guns and stuffed their faces at fast food joints at every stop).
I kinda scare myself a little, because I have no concept of hunger or satiety anymore. I just eat when I'm bored and I don't stop until I have closure (i.e there's no more food around...).

I wonder if it's some backwards way of coping with some underlying depression (okay, it's not that underlying... it's pretty apparent), but every week I promise myself that I'm gonna get back on the horse, and every week I fail miserably.
I have no will power.

The saddest part is that this started when I was so close to my goal. It was summer and I was about 123lbs. I went to NC and I frolicked on the beach, then I came back and I looked at the unflattering bikini photos and I threw my hands up in the air and asked myself "why fucking bother?!".
It kinda went downhill from there.

I was losing weight steadily and frequently, about 2lbs and under a week. I wasn't craving anything too horrible and I even allowed myself to eat some cheesecake on the weekend! But I didn't like my body (probably due to lack of exercise). My ribs were starting to show, but my ass remained, how should I put this? Intact... ;/
Trimming down around my thigh area just made my cellulite more apparent, so I had this strange, uneven look which as an hour-glass shaped chick I wasn;t used to.
Again, I wasn;t exercising, and that should have been my first clue... but instead I just gave up.
When I think of it now I liked my body best when I was doing VI and I weighed 128lbs. My waist was around 26'' and the rest was round, curvy, and proportionate. I think my perceptions of beauty are so skewed that I couldn't love myself then, and I just wanted to satisfy the number goal more than I wanted to be okay with myself. I compared myself with girls that were 5'10 and weighed as much as I did, and I felt I had to scale myself down.

Anyway, no use crying over spilled milk.
I decided to start writing here because I need some grounding.
And I miss having the support of faceless Primals ;P

I need to go back to basics because doing VLC is too difficult for me. For now, the goal is to eat veggies, fruits and meats and allow myself some primal snacks on the weekend. Then I'll go from there. I'm also trying to do two IFs a week.
Finally, drink tons of water. My skin's a mess, I don't break out but it looks dull and dry and I don't like it. I know the drinking 2 liters a day is under the myth category now, but my body is so dehydrated that I developed kidney stones at some point and I'm freaking 23! >;c
For some reason I just don't feel thirsty, and I have to physically supervise myself that I drink.

Foods:
I cooked some meatballs in tallow and butter, with sugar snaps, zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes and some onions.
The only thing I enjoyed was the meatballs but that's because my mom made them.
I totally forgot how to cook... I need to get a knack for it again ;/

On the to do list:
*Drink the waters.
*DO YER FECKING HOMWERK, YE SWASHBUCKLING BARNACLE!

[NorthernMonkeyGirl]

Meaty!!

Why does this feel like a school reunion?

Why am I the only one still hanging out here...?

You know you can do it - you have done it - you just gotta not freak out after a certain point (says me, the ultimate hypocrite, how long have I been on here now??)

[naiadknight]

School reunion is right, NMG. Even I crawled back out of the woodwork.
Meaty, it's hard as hell to look in the mirror and not find some perceived flaw. Even I, with the self esteem of 3 people, hve those moments in the mirror (what the hell happened to my hair? When'd that scar show up? Maybe 5 more lb will kill that lower belly....) You gotta learn to tune it out. It's one of the hardest lessons to learn, but when you do, it's so freaking liberating. The best way to get it to shut up? Tell it to, out loud if you have to. Yes, your parents will think you're bats, but telling the hypercritical part of myself ot loud "shut the hell up, I AM hot, you have no say" usually embarasses it enough to shut it up.

[Blorton]

Meatsy!!! /hug

[winencandy]

She's back!!!!!!!!

How's Montreal?

[Diana Renata]

Meaty! <3

I've missed you so!!!