and yes, I need to be in Montreal... which is exactly why I started grad school for a profession I will only ever be able to practice in the US, or maybe Toronto...but never in Quebec, because of zee franch.... bah! Hot girls+tea sounds like my scene.
As for sadness/gaping abyssseses.... I think I felt that way from about aged 5 to some where around 32 or something... with frequent flurries of HATE/RAGE/SMILEY/HAPPY/KILL.... are you remembering to breathe? It helps. (So does devouring the souls of infants, just sayin'...) It went away when I realized that I am far too busy to care about being alone. Who has time for other people, I'm fucking awesome.
Hope you start lovin' pork again! (I eat so much grass fed beef that pork is like my vacation.)