Yes. Emergency. OF MAH BRAIN MELTDOWN!
I ate wheat today.
A small amount but I had it. I must admit.
Other than that I am disgustingly swamped with every kind of school assignment possible, due on the exact same day.
No idea how I wrote an 8 page essay, but reading it over it makes no sense.
Now I've gotta make a man out of it!!!!!! *rolls up sleeves*
See? Makes no sense I.
My grades are disgusting.
Seriously I did not sign up for this shit. I don't wanna be an ugly, average B student... wtf?!
I work too hard and I stress out too much to NOT be getting As.
Honestly, I feel stupid. Especially since the kids in my class who ask me to look over their essays for GRAMMAR?! get higher grades.
Fuck me in the fucking ass.
So, I'm depressed. My weight's stuck and won't budge. I think I've come to terms with being stupid so I don't know if I should stop trying or try harder (which would lead to eventual brain suicide).
See, this is why I didn't wanna come here and rant.
I've been listening to these body-image podcasts. I know deep down inside that I'm shallow for equating happiness with being a certain weight, so I don't know if I should accept my flabby fate or work harder and be more shallow?
EEEEW! I don;t have time for this!
Today I will also eat ribs and cabbage. And other than the little amount of flour I had my diet was a-ok.
I just wanna shut everything out, like that tool song, flush it all down.
I wanna delete my facebook, lock myself in my room, I want to read things I want to read (not things I'm told to read) and I just wanna do the only thing I truly love doing (and unfortunatey don't have the time to do) and wave a giant middle finger in the world's face.
I wanna figure myself out and not be bombarded with porn, anorexic montreal chicks and subway crowds.
And I wanna not feel fat.
*end of quarter life crisis*
"The penis is the male animal-flower, a soft-firm dildo, a warm dream."
-Raymond Peat, PhD