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Thread: Confessions of a Serial Wagon-Jumper

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Boston, MA
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    Confessions of a Serial Wagon-Jumper

    I know it works. I do. I saw it, experienced it, watched as the weight began to fall off, noticed my energy ramping up, felt my hunger diminish, and loved every second of it. Yet, when the opportunity or excuse came up to eat something processed or bad, not only did I take it, I JUMPED off this band wagon and sprinted for the fridge. It wouldn't have been so damaging except that the one meal turned into a day of meals, the day of meals turned into a few more, and before I knew it I had been cheating and eating really bad stuff for over a week. Each night I would feel more crappy, each morning feel more tired, and each day more hungry. So why? Why do I do this?

    This isn't new, this is my crutch. This is what keeps me fat, fat for most of my life. My excuses, my cheats, they are a constant threat to my success.

    So, it's this that I need to focus on. I always thought it needed to be the food I ate, or the knowledge I gathered, or the activity that I perform....but that is secondary, it is completely useless unless I can stick to it, unless I can make a real committment and not waver. And if I do waver I need to learn to get right back up and not let one slip derail me for even a day.

    And that brings me to today...the serial wagon-jumper. In the last week I have really done it..I've gained back all but 5 pounds of what I lost. I'm only 5 pounds away from being at my highest weight. Today I start again.

    This year's focus will be breaking the cycle, learning from 33 years of mistakes. I have to. I've spent my entire life, MY ENTIRE LIFE overweight. I've lived through high school as an overweight teen, I've struggled through college as an overweight co-ed, and I've eaten my way through my 20s without much to show for it but extra weight. I don't want to see the rest of my youth wasted away.

  2. #2
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    Dec 2011
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    As I was reading your post I thought of that wonderful quote by Sir Edmund Hillary: "It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."
    How true, and what a mountain we make for ourselves.
    Good luck in getting back on. I'm 47. I have a good life, but if I could only go back to 33, and learn the lessons I am learning now, then-- oh, what a difference.
    Go to it, Jumper!

  3. #3
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    Mar 2012
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    Iowa
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    I love the title of your journal. I've tried many different approaches to losing weight and I always do the same as you describe - giving in to one craving and then totally derailing for about a week or two, only to gain back all of my previous losses. I usually crash over the weekends and uproot everything I sowed that week. It's terrible. One day at a time is all we can do. One decision at a time. Just make the best decision you can and you'll be fine.

  4. #4
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    Dec 2011
    Location
    Boston, MA
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    Thanks guys, the support and knowing I'm not alone is so helpful.

    Today I woke up and faced the scale with dread. 259 was my highest weight ever. Mid-last week I saw the scale tipping 255. I spent this weekend punishing myself by...what else...eating terrible foods. Yesterday I kicked my own butt into reality and ate incredibly little carbs in the hopes of forcing my body into fat-burning mode quickly. Well, all I can say is that the majority of that weight gain MUST have been water because this morning I weighed in at 249, and you and I both know that there is no way I lost 6 pounds in 24 hours.

    Today I brought in the amazing pie my wife made on Sunday to work and I refuse to have a slice. Instead I will have my salad like a good little girl and salmon for dinner. I will take the stairs today.

    I want to be back down to 247 by Friday, back down to what I was before I had my huge, ugly lapse.

    I want a new bike for the summer, and damn it, I'm going to get it. I promised that I would buy the new bike once I hit 210. So that's about 30 pounds in 3.5 months. Possible, not probable, but possible. I plan to start really working out on the weekends whenever possible.

    I've belted myself to the wagon today, secure and NOT going anywhere despite the call of the blueberry-white chocolate pie sitting at my desk, and despite the half full jar of home-made cookies sitting in front of me. I will not submit. WILL NOT.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    28
    Good luck! We all have been there. I'm a classic fall off the wagonner. I've been back on the wagon for 15 days and not wanting to start over again is keeping me on track. You CAN Do It!

  6. #6
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    Dec 2011
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    Well, after much convincing we grabbed chinese last night. I stayed as paleo-friendly as is possible, egg foo yung and chicken teriyaki on a stick. Not great, but not horrible. Still made the salmon and I'll be adding that to my nice big salad this afternoon. Steak for dinner tonight.

    I love my wife but sometimes I wonder if this would be easier if she wasn't always complaining about food. I was gung-ho to have salmon last night but the second we caught the train home she was complaining about how she was soooo tired of salmon, and couldn't we just grab some chinese take-out. Next time, I think I'll let her get all the chinese she wants and I'll stick with my salmon. I really wasn't in the mood for chinese, fought her on it for an hour on the way home, and yet I still gave in.

    I'm always the one figuring out what to eat, reading the books, listening to the podcasts, making the shopping list, and 90% of the time I'm cooking. Bitter much? I don't know what I would do with myself if she ever took over and handled all that for me....how much free time would I have? Wow....boggles the mind.

    Sorry for the rant, one of those mornings.

  7. #7
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    Dec 2011
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    Boston, MA
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    Woa

    So here we are, Thursday, and the scale this morning gave me a great big hug. 247 it said. Woa! 247?? So, in the last three days my body went from 255 to 247....okay...water weight. Must have been...yet over a week of binging? Perhaps my body really likes 247, after all it had stuck there, immovable, for three weeks.

    New goal? 245 by Monday!

    This is getting easier as I go...last night the wife baked blueberry muffins from scratch and after trying one tiny bite to ensure their quality was up to parr I brought them in to work for my coworkers. I also was forced to make a trip to a local candy/chocolate store this morning at 7:30am in order to by 5 pounds of M&Ms in different bulk colors. My job is so weird. So I sit here at my desk, a cookie jar filled with home-made cookies, a box of home-made muffins, and 5 pounds of prettily colored M&Ms sitting beside me.

    AND I HAVEN'T TOUCH A SINGLE BITE!

    I ate my omlette, drank my coffee, and will sit here, full, until about 2pm.

  8. #8
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    Mar 2010
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    NYC
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellajgw View Post
    Well, after much convincing we grabbed chinese last night. I stayed as paleo-friendly as is possible, egg foo yung and chicken teriyaki on a stick. Not great, but not horrible. Still made the salmon and I'll be adding that to my nice big salad this afternoon. Steak for dinner tonight.

    I love my wife but sometimes I wonder if this would be easier if she wasn't always complaining about food. I was gung-ho to have salmon last night but the second we caught the train home she was complaining about how she was soooo tired of salmon, and couldn't we just grab some chinese take-out. Next time, I think I'll let her get all the chinese she wants and I'll stick with my salmon. I really wasn't in the mood for chinese, fought her on it for an hour on the way home, and yet I still gave in.

    I'm always the one figuring out what to eat, reading the books, listening to the podcasts, making the shopping list, and 90% of the time I'm cooking. Bitter much? I don't know what I would do with myself if she ever took over and handled all that for me....how much free time would I have? Wow....boggles the mind.

    Sorry for the rant, one of those mornings.
    Sounds like you need to have a proper and serious talk with your woman. What is it that you can do to make her see how important her support would be? What can you do to make it easy to give you that support? Be damn clear about your needs and then listen without getting defensive to what she has to say, then make your pitch.
    If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Posts
    105

    Week 1 Down, 0 Cheats

    I'm not even focusing on weight anymore. Right now I'm focusing on how my body feels now that I've eliminated sugar, wheat, and processed crap from my diet. I feel SO much better. I accidentally grabbed a piece of grilled chicken at a bbq this weekend that had a processed bbq sauce on it and within about 10 minutes I felt the wave of heat rush through my body and I KNEW it was a sauce ladened with sugar.

    I'm really proud of my cheat free streak. As an extreme example I was setting up the afternoon Bastille Day snacks for our French interns last week and removed the cover from the Nutella jar. I looked down and I had gotten Nutella on my fingers. The Old Bella would have licked her fingers clean and then grabbed a croissant. The New Bella went to the sink and washed her hands and grabbed herself a bottle of water.

    WOW....what a difference a week makes.

    While the weight isn't coming off as anyone with 115 pounds to lose would hope (3 pounds that go up and down), I still do have hope. I know that it will start coming off, and soon, once I get this new way of eating figured out. I probably need to cut out the dairy, cut out the occasional diet soda (bad for me, I know), and that will go a long way.

    Here's to Week 2!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Posts
    105
    Ah, foolish girl...

    I think I stuck with eating primal for about 3 weeks, not even at 80% before falling right back off the wagon. Last week I watched in frustration as the scale creeped back up again and I asked for help. I have a great belief in asking those spirits around you to lend a hand, so I asked for help in getting back to, and sticking to, the way of life that I know will benefit me the most, and boy did I get it.

    From the moment I asked for help I began to notice it. The nausea. I ate pasta and got nauseaus. I ate sugar and felt like throwing up. I noticed more and more that I would begin to get sweats when I ate sugary or starchy processed foods, and I won't even go into what onions started doing to me. It was like my body was telling me that, come hell or high water, I was going to be forced to stick to this....so....here we go.

    Yesterday I began in earnest, again, and bought all the ingredients to some wonderful receipes I had found online. A fabulous root-veggie and sausage hash and then enough veggies and protein to make one mean cobb salad. Between that and my morning omelets, and my salmon and steaks for dinner, I think I have a good Week 1 planned. Instead of trying to see this as a diet I am trying to see this as a slow progression to what I should be eating all the time. Find some great recipes, tweak as needed, spend time reading and reviewing alternatives and options for foods, and really pay attention to how my body is feeling on certain foods.

    My wife isn't coming with me on this journey, however, so it could be difficult. She is choosing to do a 2 week cleanse and then start back up with Weight Watchers. I have made her promise that since we are trying to get her pregnant she will continue, once through the cleanse, to eat plenty of good saturated fats and keep her HFCS intake as low as possible, but she will eat grains, I can't get her to stop. I'm hoping that if I can do really well on this diet and lose some good weight on it that I could convince her to come back to the paleo lifestyle. The problem is she wants immediate results, results now, bog drops in weight, and she wasn't seeing it immediately with paleo like we used to. I've tried to remind her that we've yo-yoed so much that our bodies won't react the same way now as the first time we did it.

    So yesterday I began Week 1 of my new lifestyle. I began at 258, 5'7", and feeling really low. I was having a hard time focusing at work, feeling tired all day long, getting sick after eating foods, feeling sweaty and hot-flashy, and always jonsing for a sweet.

    This week the meal plan is along the lines of:
    omelet for breakfast or the sausage/root veg hash
    cobb salad or chef salad for lunch
    Cheese for a snack
    Steak or salmon filet for dinner

    We'll give this a week and see if any changes need to be made.

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