I know it works. I do. I saw it, experienced it, watched as the weight began to fall off, noticed my energy ramping up, felt my hunger diminish, and loved every second of it. Yet, when the opportunity or excuse came up to eat something processed or bad, not only did I take it, I JUMPED off this band wagon and sprinted for the fridge. It wouldn't have been so damaging except that the one meal turned into a day of meals, the day of meals turned into a few more, and before I knew it I had been cheating and eating really bad stuff for over a week. Each night I would feel more crappy, each morning feel more tired, and each day more hungry. So why? Why do I do this?

This isn't new, this is my crutch. This is what keeps me fat, fat for most of my life. My excuses, my cheats, they are a constant threat to my success.

So, it's this that I need to focus on. I always thought it needed to be the food I ate, or the knowledge I gathered, or the activity that I perform....but that is secondary, it is completely useless unless I can stick to it, unless I can make a real committment and not waver. And if I do waver I need to learn to get right back up and not let one slip derail me for even a day.

And that brings me to today...the serial wagon-jumper. In the last week I have really done it..I've gained back all but 5 pounds of what I lost. I'm only 5 pounds away from being at my highest weight. Today I start again.

This year's focus will be breaking the cycle, learning from 33 years of mistakes. I have to. I've spent my entire life, MY ENTIRE LIFE overweight. I've lived through high school as an overweight teen, I've struggled through college as an overweight co-ed, and I've eaten my way through my 20s without much to show for it but extra weight. I don't want to see the rest of my youth wasted away.