Primal journal : Coll page 63

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Ok, back again. Herbal tea until midmorning today. Then a couple cups of black tea with cream. Lunch was 3 slices of org. turkey breast deli meat, 5 olives, a chunk of cheese, an apple and about 6 almonds. I have been wanting to snack this afternoon but have managed to fend off the cravings for now. No bad chocolate in the house helps immensely! Just had a little piece of butter 'fudge' to tide me over to dinner. Really didn't need it though. I borrowed the cookbooks on primal eating from my SIL and am enjoying reading through the different recipes and picking out some I want to try. Made a mushroom sauce for our porkchops last night - DH and I loved it! Really yummy on the chops and sauteed cabbage. Got to go and figure out what I am doing for dinner tonight.... Tired at the moment, getting to bed way to late and it is all I can do to drag myself around during the day. TIme to get my butt into gear with my sleep too I guess!

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OK, so I had a few raisins and another small amount of almonds while I was getting dinner ready. Made cauliflower fried rice with bratwurst ... delectable! Aside from DS (who didn't even try it) we all loved it. And I didn't feel guilty having a small second helping

I bought myself a new little machine for removing the callouses from my feet a little while ago. What a fantastic little gadget! It takes the layers off really fast - just have to be careful to not take too much off at once. I did that just before Christmas and it wasn't pleasant! But my feet are SO much better without the 1/4" or so of callouses and thick skin cracking. I just could never keep up with the last little gadget I had, this one is awesome. My feet still crack/split and peel, but it is so much easier to deal with when the skin is so much thinner - I have some special glue for skin that is really good at sticking the bits back together, both for feet and fingers.

I am keen to see what my weight is tomorrow, today is the first day that I have felt like I am truly on track with my eating again. I did not plug all the bits into fitday yet, but I believe it was pretty much in the ball park.

[Sabine]

Looking at your lunch yesterday, it seemed more like a snack plate than a 'meal'. Do you think that may be why you find it hard to not snack between lunch and dinner? Also, where was your veg, young lady? I distinctly remember you saying you were going to have veg at lunch!

Yay on the heel contraption. It is so easy to forget for a couple of weeks, and suddenly there's all this thick skin to contend with.

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Hee hee Sabine, guilty look! I didn't know anyone was reading my journal so kind of let it slip Busted ;p Yesterday I was really slow and tired and just couldn't be bothered to make a proper lunch - and you're right, then I want to snack. We're going shopping today to return my Christmas shirt that is made for people with no shoulders or bust! It was a 2XL for pete's sake! I know I am no longer a 2xl but the seams were straining across my shoulders and bust. The rest of the shirt was too big. Sigh, I am rather dreading this shopping trip because I have such a hard time finding clothes that I like and that fit me. I may end up getting a man's shirt instead. Honestly clothes shopping is a good way to get me down and wanting to cry. I know that DH just wanted to bless me with this shirt, and it is really nice looking, but I HATE not being able to wear fun clothes. The clothing designers seem to think women are all small framed and only have lean muscle, what about those of us who actually have a more sturdy build? I have always been muscular and when I was slim I had a similar problem in that my legs were too muscular and the pants legs didn't fit, while the waist was huge. I wish I knew more about sewing - but sewing is a struggle for me. I need a pattern and even then I don't always get it right. Ah well, hopefully I can find something nice - sorry about the panic attack over my shopping trip. Just freaking out quietly here ....

[Sabine]

Someone is ALWAYS reading, you scamp!

Good luck with a new shirt. That is so disheartening. I really hate shopping for clothes for similar reasons. I am getting tired of all the presentable clothes I have left, though, so I'll be forced to it soon.

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Well, I survived the shopping trip. Ended up finding two shirts that I really liked It was encouraging to see myself in the mirrors in the changing rooms without wanting to cry. I am still overweight but not a blimp anymore. A relief indeed. The cool thing with western wear is many of the men's shirts are just as gorgeous as the womens! Now I need to go to the thrift store and see if I can find some jeans to tide me over for a while until I am 'into' the next size down. Turns out that one of my pairs of jeans that 'work' for me at the moment are cut wrong... exactly the same style and size as the other jeans but I think they must have been mislabeled. The legs are way too short and they just don't fit nicely - I get grumpy when the other pair is in the wash and I have to wear these...

Feeling really stressed today, trying to house hunt and just not sure where or what to look for, we have a very limited budget and still need to find a place where my parents can join us without being in the same living space... definitely not a run of the mill place, esp not in our price range. Just having to keep on reminding myself that God will make a way for us and in the right timing something will work out. I need to quit worrying!

We left home late morning so I ate a late breakfast of leftover pork chops, mushroom sauce and sauteed cabbage. I wasn't really hungry, but was concerned that I might get hungry later and not be able to eat! Kind of pathetic ... as if a few hours without food is the end of the world. I should have turned it into an opportunity to IF, but then I didn't have my big girl panties on today. I had three cups of tea with cream today. We had a late lunch on the road - some sliced organic deli meat, a small cheese, broccoli and a tiny 0.5oz box of raisins, and a handful of pistachios. Then I had a leftover sausage for dinner with a bunch of kale chips. I really didn't feel like making anything but was glad after the fact. I feel as though I ate too much today, haven't plugged it into fitday - just don't feel like it...

I need to head for bed at a decent time tonight - too many late nights are taking their toll!

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Happy New Year everyone!! I feel hopeful about this year. It is amazing that I am still weighing in at 191.4 lbs. Last year this time I was 225 + lbs!! I know I have a long way to go - but it is incredible that I have lost weight and kept it off. Now I just need to keep losing the fat. I am hoping to use the motivation of the New Year to help me get the fat loss going again.

I went to the Thrift store today, all excited about finding some clothes. Miserable failure there - I really had to work at not getting depressed. The mirrors were not kind, and nor were the clothes! I was seriously bummed - I have been needing some jeans as I only have one pair that is comfortable and that look reasonable. It was a serious reality check for me I have been feeling so much better that my mind had decided that I was in much better shape than I really am. There were some clothes in my size - but they were all ugly and very much fat clothes. No way Jose'! I would rather wear sweats than buy ugly fat clothes. And talk about motivation to get losing again. I desperately wanted to stop and buy myself a bar of my favourite chocolate .... but by the grace of God I was able to resist and instead bought a little 88% chocolate and had one piece.

Food today -
Breakfast - black tea with cream, and another midmorning
Lunch - about 6 inches of cucumber, 1.5 oz cheese, apple, leftover bratwurst and another cup of tea.
Snack - 1 piece of 88% dark chocolate
Dinner - leftover cauli-tots (not a rave review on those I am afraid - they're edible but nothing to write home about unless I did something wrong - and they were a pain to cook!) breakfast sausages (8) 1/2 avocado, 3 olives, sauerkraut, and a big bowl of berries and cream.

Calories 1560. Fat 157.5g Carbohydrates 64.8g Protein 45.7g

Not really an ideal ratio, but considering how close I came to just losing it today, I am calling it good. Just glad that I managed to avoid a binge. I have realised that the Vit C that I have been taking is a problem! Duh! It is in the form of gummies with a lovely coating of sugar! Talk about triggering bad stuff - really silly of me. Not touching those again - I need to just do without or find a different kind that is sugar free.

Coyotes are serenading tonight and the dogs are all going nuts. I am feeling cold and tired and trying very hard to not give up this evening.

My goals for this year include :
Losing more fat - at least another 35lbs!
Getting to bed at a good time EVERY night! (barring occasional emergencies or date nights with DH)
Start exercising regularly
Spend less time sitting in front of the computer and more time moving and living.
Get a menu set up for the week and try to stick to it! I do have a bigger repertoire than before so this is more doable.

Very grateful for a good year behind me and so many blessings! We had a lovely Christmas and spent probably too much this year, but it was so lovely to be able to celebrate without worrying about every penny we payed out for anything! Now to tighten the belt again and try to save up as much as possible in the hopes of buying our own place.

HOpe you all had a lovely first day of 2013! Sleep tight!

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I found myself a couple of pair of stretch jeans in size 16 at Walmart. They are fractionally more snug than I would usually like - but since I am losing weight it will be a good thing. The next size up was way too big (insert a whoop of joy here!) I also bought two sweaters that were on sale as I loved their colours. Unfortunately they are also tight around my shou8lders and chest and hang like a tent around my waist. So those will need to be returned and I just need to knit myself a sweater instead.

This morning I weighed in at 188.8lbs which is a very cheering number. That is close to the lowest I have been in years. Another 2 lbs and I will be the lightest I have been since I was pregnant with my DD (11 years ago) This year I am hoping that I can get back into my wedding dress and then have it too big for me! I was definitely a bit overweight when I got married - probably about 20 lbs I think. If I remember right I weighed about 165 when I got married....

Drinking green tea right now, later will have black tea with cream. I had turmeric tea late yesterday afternoon and I must say that I felt pretty good after and it was delicious. I just make it with raw milk and use black pepper instead of cayenne, a little cardamom and cinnamon too and a little shot of stevia. Mmmm mmm! I think I am going to try and make that a regular as I take turmeric as a supplement anyway, but I think that it absorbs better when combined with some fat and black pepper and the heat activates it too apparently.

Our dear pooch just had raw deer meat and fat for breakfast She gets pretty excited when I go to the refridgerator for her food - she usually gets kibble so that gives her the clue that something extra special is up. I have to go and defrost the chickens water and give them their early morning hot porridge. They too get really excited about their warm up snack - some of the birds are on the verge of flying up to try and get to it sooner. It is fun being so popular

[Coll]

I ate well today - too much methinks, but it was all good and I was hungry when I ate.

Lunch was a frittata with kale, onion, garlic, ham, cauliflower and some cheese melted on top. I had a handful of pecans while making it. I had a couple of cups of tea with cream in and lots of herbal tea today.
Dinner was 1/2 cup of sweet potato fries, a couple chicken tenders fried in coconut oil. Very yummy, hopefully it was not too much of the CO as I really don't want repercussions from that this evening. I feel satisfied but not stuffed. Hopefully it was not too much.

Calories 1672. Fat 137.5g (!) Carbs 40g. Protein 65.6g

My caloric intake is lower than my output (for what it is worth!) so hopefully all is well. My carbs are still under 50 g which I was pleased with - I wasn't sure how much my carbs would go up with the sweet potato .... it was hard to quit eating them - I could have happily eaten a whole sweet potato! I have been doing better with getting to bed before 10:30pm almost every night. It make such a huge difference in my life when I get better sleep!

[phigment]

Congrats on the weight and smaller size.