Show, then aid - Sabine page 93

[ecks]

The jenn cakes are really close to the recipe for oopsie rolls. sounds good either way though!

[Sabine]

Much primal food was eaten yesterday: chicken, vegetables, more vegetables, raisins and sunflower seeds, more chicken, strawberries. A small quantity of corn chips, but eaten from a individual bowl, not mindlessly from the bag. And one glass of soda (WHAT!?!- I know, I know).

None of this was written down in a timely fashion, due to GUESTS, but I did pretty well, except for not drinking enough water. Too much time spent being a HOSTESS, and not enough thinking about what my body needs, but that happens sometimes.

The house was clean (enough) and though I heard one 'oh, my' when my honey took them into the front room to choose the games, I will cling to the belief that that could have been from the amount of books and games, and not from all the other stuff crammed into that room. I am a good clinger.

Anyways, it looked like they had fun, and my honey and I certainly did.

They only thing I can post for certain from yesterday, though:

Up at 7:15
Vitamins

Walking:50"
Bed at 10:00

Now I am off to do The Thing. I am supposed to be doing it every day for the rest of the bunch, with a group. It will either get me over my emotions, or kill me.

I have placed my bet on survival.

[Sabine]

Action is the antidote to despair.

[Sabine]

I am going to take a break from food journalling.

I am going through a rough patch, with my eating as a response to both The Thing, and job/money worries. I avoid writing things down when they are bad, bad, BAD! Then I feel bad for not keeping track, on top of feeling bad physically, and what do I do when I am feeling bad?

You guessed it.

I want my primal lifestyle to be a refuge for me, not something I feel bad about when I slip. So, I'm going to NOT post my food for a while, see if it helps with these FEELINGS.

That's all.

[Pebbles67]

Good for you. Giving yourself what you need should be the first priority. I've completely stopped talking about food and Primal eating in my journal too.

[Judg]

It is good to be flexible with methods. I stopped posting everything when it was starting to weigh on me. And sometimes I read journals and skip over the food reports, because if I spend too much time thinking about food, I spend too much time eating it. Weighing too. I do it often enough to keep myself accountable, but I don't feel obliged to do it daily if it's going to discourage me. Which is a long-winded way of saying I understand, and I support you on this. Do what works.

[Sabine]

Thanks, Pebbles and Judg. It is a strange thing about writing a 'public' journal. You're trying to be open and truthful, as if it was just yourself, but you also want that connection that gives you support, accountability, a release, whatever we each get from an online journal. And sometimes there's that sense that you are letting other people down, if you don't continue with whatever you have been doing. Health is too important to be catering to others, but I think there's an element of that. Particularly, as I know I have stopped reading some journals if they weren't offering what I want from the journal reading experience. What if someone starts thinking, 'This Sabine, she's changed so much. What a downer.'

Of course, I could just be incredibly conceited, thinking anyone gives a flip what I put in my journal! But if you can't be conceited in your own journal, well, where can you?

So, the sex.

My honey and I have a good sex life. It has gone through its various permutations over the past twenty-nine years (oh, my goodness, I have been having sex for 29 years!), and I have to say, it has only gotten better as i have gotten over various body hang-ups and confidence issues.

But this morning, during some particularly vigorous sex, my fat started wiggling. Really wiggling. So much that it hurts, like when you are running really fast, and your breasts are being yanked around by physics.

So, it hurt, plus it made me aware of the incredible amounts of fat on my belly and thighs, even my back. It was ridiculous. And definitely spoiled the mood for me. Hard to be in the moment when you are thinking about how wiggly you are.

I don't know if it has been my past days of poor eating, leading to extra water retention. Or my fat getting 'softer' as I am losing. Or honey just being particularly athletic (he did skip his workout today, as it is a holiday. Maybe he was compensating?). Or something else entirely.

I do not like it.

Sex should be fun. I should not be worrying about wiggling bits. I tried to simulate the motion in front of the mirror later, to see what it looked like from another angle. One, it is hard to get going in the same way, two, I couldn't get the angle that my honey had, three, I'm sure he wasn't thinking about any wiggling in a critical way, but still, I did it.

Will this motivate me to eat right? Or send me into a further spiral?

Or just make me wait until dark next time?

[ecks]

When you lose weight your body goes after the saturated fat first... you probably noticed your body being firmer when you started paleo vs now. It's because sat fat on your body is much harder (and a much more nutrient dense form of fuel). Once that starts depleting you're left with the gelatinous fat... gross sounding... but the wigglyness is an indication that you're burning your sat fat. Be proud of that. I know it feels gross but consider it progress. You should feel good about it! Next time you're at it and feeling wiggley just remember it's because you are losing weight and reaching for your new sexier body.

[Judg]

So when do we firm up again? It seems the only fat I have left is flab. Fortunately much less of it, but if I'm going to have fat, I'd rather it be the dense stuff...

[ecks]

This is where exercise comes in. You don't exercise to lose fat- you exercise to tighten up. When your muscles grow and tighten they pull your skin/gross fat in and gives you shape.