Show, then aid - Sabine page 79

[theprimalcajun]

lol I so agree with you Judg!! right on!!!

[Sabine]

On my post for yesterday I noted that I was 'peckish' at bedtime. Today I had breakfast, and then realized I would not be hungry in time for an early enough lunch to be hungry again for dinner. (Lordy, how complex!) I decided to skip lunch, but around 3:00 I thought, I'm getting a little hungry.

Then I stopped.

During my fast, I was not hungry for the first two and a half DAYS!

How could I possible have been peckish Wednesday night? Or this afternoon?

I've decided I need to add another category of hunger, the Interested in Food, so I'll Call Myself Hungry. (Wow, some people really go overboard with the middle names.) Nickname: Interested Hunger. I think Interested is the offspring of Mouth Hunger and Habit Hunger.

I'm in the habit of eating meals, well, why not, they're lovely, and I have all this good food in the fridge, stuff I know tastes good, so here comes Interested Hunger. She wants to eat, and so she convinces me that, yes, that sensation MUST be hunger.

I don't think it is.

How can I go from 2 1/2 days, to six HOURS? I know there is natural variation, but come on! That's just ridiculous. And there have been two days of meals since the fast, so I don't think it is that my body is still hungry from the fast.

I think True Hunger may be so subtle, that all these other Hungers crowd in to take its place. And like a lady desperate to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend, I am not taking to time to wait for Mr. Right Hunger.

This irks me.

I like to eat. If True Hunger is only going to come around ever day or two, my opportunities to eat will be severely limited.

I have two options as I see it.

Screw True Hunger. Eat with these other Hungers, (well, maybe not Mind Hunger - she's a little psycho) and enjoy myself. I'm still losing a little weight, right?

Hope that once I have healed myself down to a good weight, True Hunger will come around more often. Like when you give up looking for love, start getting out and enjoying life, and the next thing you know, you find The One.

Why is the right choice always so obnoxiously hard?

[Pebbles67]

Funny, I've gotten used to eating 2 meals. Yesterday, my husband and I ate breakfast out at 9am. 2.5 hrs later he wanted lunch, but wanted me to decide where to eat. I hemmed and hawed so much he almost got cranky, until I explained that the problem was that I was not hungry. We eneded up eating around 1pm. I got a lovely chopped salad with chicken and bacon. I ate half and took the rest home.

[Sabine]

I'm finding it easier physically to eat two, or even one meal, but I love to eat.

I DO miss having TASTES many times a day. I'm hoping this will pass.

It does help that when things are going well food-wise, I don't think about food in the sown times the way I used to. It used to be MIND Hunger all the time, go, go, go. I was eating, or planning to eat, shopping, thinking about what food was 'on the way', how much money I had to spend on food, where could I scrape up some more, etc. THAT stuff is mostly gone (yay!).

[demuralist]

I am trying to change the definition of what I have to eat if I am hungry. I tend to want to EAT, if I am hungry. Usually fast enough that I miss signals. I want to stop when I am no longer hungry. Some days I may need 2 feedings, some days I may need 5. But I really want to stop deciding ahead of time and let my body decide.

[Sabine]

STRESS!

Both Middlest and Littlest had school project melt-down yesterday.

At the same time.

I had to go into full parent-mode, alternating Tough Mom with Understanding Mom, helping, fetching, lecturing, praising. Remaining calm. Staying up late. (Ridiculously late.)

Man, did I want to shove something in my face. I resisted, even when I got them mid-ordeal treats. By the end, I was feeling hungry, but so tired (my head literally snapping up as I was falling asleep at the table) I couldn't tell what kind of hunger it was. I decided I was in no fit state to make a rational decision, except for one: I would not eat.

Instead, I did dishes. (What's up with that?)

This morning I can still feel the stress energy surging through my body, so although my stomach is making noises, I think I am still not able to tell where that hunger is coming from. I am going to wait until I have recovered my calm.

Both projects are now done, with good results, but I think it might take me several hours to 'come down'.

Full marks to me for being a good parent. The projects were done, life-lessons were learned, no blood was spilled, both daughters still love me. Yay! There are times when I fall short, it feels good to have one where I KNOW I did all the right stuff.

Full marks to me for doing right by my body. I knew I had enough food for any physical needs. I am glad I didn't given in to the desire for stress relief through eating. I am glad I am waiting this morning, to be calm before I eat. Every victory counts.

[skink531]

Wow! That sounds like a hell of a day. Enjoy your victory.

[Sabine]

I did eat, and do other stuff yesterday. Here's the rundown:

Up at 5:30
Vitamins

9:40 5 pork sausages
2 eggs
2 egg whites (saving the yolks for custard)
1t butter
1C mixed greens

6:45 3 salmon patties
1T mayo
1/2C roasted beets, yams, potato, and red onion
1C Siobhan's Zucchini Thing with
pine nuts, garlic
feta cheese
olive oil, butter

Water: 12 glasses
Walking: 20"

Bed at 1:00am

This morning the weight was up slightly to 183.5. I'm pleased with it. We'll see how much more it goes up, and at what kind of a pace, but I don't think I'll report it here, day by day. That gets a little crazy-making, I think. Instead I'll keep my little chart, and post my beginning of month numbers as usual.

Busy day today, getting ready for Middlest's party tomorrow, and going to Littlest Girl Scout party this evening. This means I am making the largest bowl of pasta salad ever seen in this household! Spirals everywhere, cooking up a mass of chicken, cutting up pickled vegetables like there is no tomorrow.

And I won't be eating any of it.

[Judg]

Well congrats! You have stayed wonderfully in control through trying circumstances. I find myself stopping more and more often now too, to wonder "what is it that you really want to eat?"

I'm not at all good at the Not Eating Any of It thing. I always was a snitch as you cook type. I've improved a little, but not much. If you pull that off on top of all your other exploits, I will be very, very impressed. *prepares to be impressed*

[Siobhan]

I am so full of admiration for you, being able to be around your families and have all these stresses and temptations and still resist them. You are a very strong person and your kids are lucky to have you!