Thanks for your encouragement, all.
It is a strange feeling to be doing this 'with' others. Dieting has always been a solitary endeavor for me, even when I did Weight Watchers. I'm shy, so I never made friends there. And any talk to my friends about weight has always had a large bit of fantasy in it. I never wanted to say how much I really weighed, and wouldn't dream of confessing my binges. I have usually been the fattest person in my circle, and you fall into habits of seeing yourself a certain way. I'm the fat girl, who doesn't complain. Also, you get tired of trying something, being enthusiastic, and then failing.
Over and over.
I have been that girl for a long time, too. I think that is why I am keeping mum about this. My friends know I am 'low-carb' but I have fallen off that wagon enough times in the past that I don't think they really believe it. I wonder if any of them notice that it has been different these past few months. Probably not. To their eyes, it may very well NOT be different. I still have not exceeded my longest 'run' of success: five months. And I don't know that I will. But I am getting more confident about stringing 'runs' together.
A few days ago a piece of paper fell out of my (paper) journal. It was my list of sequential goals (a la deMuralist). The first one is to be squarely in the 180s - 185. I just jotted it down without much thought, but looking at it, I know what I meant. We all have the times where we are bobbling around a number. Up a little, down a little, not moving much. Not so much a plateau, but our body feeling its way. My bobbles have been around 200, and now 190. I want to be solidly in those 180s, so that if I bounce up a bit, there is still no 190 to be seen. I've entered the 180s, but I am still at the high end, flirting with 190 now and then.
I feel ready for a concerted little push, an actual 'watching my weight' kind of move. And I am feeling brave enough to announce it publicly to my primal friends. No keeping mum. I was planning another fast for after Eldest leaves. After that, I want to track my food- as in amounts, values for a week to see what exactly I am doing, and where I am straying from what I THINK I should be doing.
I hope I am not setting myself up for failure: announcing a plan and having people watch me. That's what I've always done before. But I am tired of that pattern. I'm ready to be successful, for real. So, I am daring to begin. Again.
Oh, and here's what I did yesterday:
Up at 6:10
12:00 2 plates sashimi
1/2C creme brulee
8:30 1C ground beef marinara
1/2C cashews (Mark's fault, with that post of his!)
Walking: 95 minutes!
Heavy things were lifted
Water: 10 glasses
Bed at 10:00
I did some errand walking, and more walking at the gym. Did that reverse crunch machine at the gym again. My honey told me he likes to watch my shirt ride up while I do it. It made me suck in my stomach, that's for sure! I am wanting to get some barefoot-style shoes: my athletic shoes are becoming actively uncomfortable after my life in Birkenstocks, and I'm just not willing to put up with it much longer. NO sprinting was done! If I ever get my walking into a habit, I might consider it. Until then: In your dreams, Mark!