I think you were hit with a combo of things. One, I find that feeling especially good about myself, like weighing less than the husband or hitting a new low, can set me off into bingeing as much as bad feelings. Two, You watched others eat junk and resisted, but your mind may have told you that you deprived yourself. Three, it is possible that hormones were at play or your body was seeking something to fulfill a nutritional deficiency.
Number three (nutritional deficiency) is a friend's theory that I always thought was nonsense, but I have made some nutritional changes that have lessened the physical cravings.
It was a moment in time. If you can get past it and learn from it, you will be fine.
*weeping* for you, with you and for me!! (((HUgs))) for both of us.. As I read your entry acknowleding your eating frenzy I was swept up and away in so many exact feelings and moments even just last week. I so *felt* every urge, emotiona and desperation.. Sabine you are not alone!!! You are NOT alone!!! I find myself stuffed beyond capacity and still seeking more sometimes. I always try to stick within the eating guidelines I mean how else can I justify the binge?? So I may start with a handful of macadamians (a dangerous start) which leads to ALL of the macadamias, Then it's a bite of the leftover meat which leads to ALL of the leftover meat, then it's maybe a boil egg which leads to MORE eggs.. And Gawd forbid there is cheese or HWC or other nuts or nut butters anywhere around... O M G.. What just happened I ask myself??? You are NOT alone *leaving to ponder this affliction*
Hi Sabine, I'm new around here and I thought I would just jump in and tell you that I have been reading your journal and find it really inspiring and downright moving. I relate to so many of the situations and emotions that you have experienced.
The cravings/nutrition/hormone thing is something I am really interested in. I remember when my sister was pregnant, she would eat ice nonstop. Would sit around with a cup of crushed ice and eat it with a spoon. Turned out she was extremely anemic and has struggled with iron deficiency ever since. She can tell when it is really low because she craves ice!
My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread53052.html
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” - Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Sabine, I agree with all that has been said already. Today is a new day, so just hop back on the wagon and we'll continue our ride!
I woke up feeling good, no 'hangover' from my binge. I waited until I was hungry, drinking plenty of water along the way.
(Don't know you y'all feel about drinking water. It is almost the only thing I do drink, no soda, juices, rarely milk, rarely teas. No coffee- never got the habit- and although I used to drink frappacinos, can they really be called coffee? I was definitely drinking them for the sugar, not the coffee taste. I just put up with that. Anyhow, back to water. I can tell a difference in how I feel from when i am hydrated or not. I usually drink about 6-8 glasses a day, and feel best when I am at least 10. Strangely, I do have to work to keep at that level. You would think, if you feel good drinking 12, it would be easy, but since when is doing what is good for you easy?)
I didn't have the antsy post-sugar feeling I often get, so I am prepared to have it today. I will deal with it, and not be caught off guard.
Here's what I ate:
Up at 5:45
1:45 wreck salad from potbelly:
lettuce, 4 cherry tomatoes, cukes
roast beef, ham, turkey
swiss and blue cheese
viniagrette(some kind of sweet in it, but not unbearably so)
6:00 much cod fried in
lemon juice and
cream to deglaze the pan
broccoli with olives, roasted peppers, and blue cheese
Water: 12 glasses
Bed at 8:00, up at 10:00 for child transport, back to bed at 11:00
There was no activity to speak of, besides some aggravating trailing after uncooperative people in the morning. Stress with that, but what can you do. (Ummm, your affirmations, I guess, but did I? No, I just fumed. Oops.)
I weighed and measured this morning, but due to the very recent binge, I am not recording the numbers. Even the ones that are down. I'll check back in at the end of the month with that.
Today there will be more trailing. Hopefully, the people will be more cooperative. I will plan to do my relaxing affirmations, controlling what I can: my attitude.
One of my favorite quotes:
It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. ~Sir Edmund Hillary
Pebbles- too true. But why does it have to be a triple threat?!? I feel I am just learning to deal with one thing at a time, then...WHAM! I think the thing that hot the hardest was feeling good about myself. And the realization of that, is another blow. How can I be in such a bad place that I feel I can't feel good about myself? That is so messed up. I'll be glad when I am past it.
Longing- thanks for your sympathy. That's a great thing about these journals: people who are supportive and interested in what others are going through.
Siobhan- thanks for stopping by. An interesting (to me, at least) thing: when I first saw your journal, I checked it out because Siobhan was a name we considered for our daughter. I'm glad you are finding my journal useful. I get so much out of other people's journals, and it is nice to think I might be returning the favor.
Candy and PrimalCajun- it is a great wagon with you guys aboard.
We evolved as diurnal animals, yet how many of us go to bed when it gets dark outside? Or even within a couple hours of it?
Since I began going to bed regularly at 9:00, I have felt so much better. I look forward to staying up a little longer as the days lengthen in summer, but I will still be going to bed at a reasonable hour. And my definition of reasonable has gotten narrower and narrower.
Being primal there are things we DO and things we REFRAIN from doing. Yes to plenty of veges and grass-fed meats. Refrain from sugars and grains. Yes to lots of slow walking. Refrain from running ten miles every day(okay, granted, that one is super easy for me. But some people DO like to run.)
Some find it hard to say yes to enough sleep, AND to refrain from staying up late, though they are two sides of the same coin. They love their socializing, working, surfing. They think they can magically have it all: stay up late and still get enough sleep. But unless you are living in a completely artificial environment (which has its own difficulties) your body WILL notice when the sun goes down. It wants you to start winding down, it wants you to think about sleeping. And though you may get the HOURS in, if they are off from the light/dark cycle, your body WILL pay.
It was easy for me to refrain from staying up late, as the rewards were so immediate when I began sleeping longer. And that helped with the doing.
And I understand refraining from poisons. But 'won't power can only take you so far.
What can I DO, to make it easier? Substituting good things? Developing habits of behavior so that I never think about the cheesecake? How do I get the same emotional reward from new habits, as I do from mindless eating? Refraining will only take me so far. I need to develop both my skills to make it.
Up at 5:45
9:30 1/8 quiche alsace:
bacon, spinach, swiss cheese
2C cauliflower, fried in
20 minute walk barefoot in the rain
12:15 garlic sausage
peppers, onions, tomatoes, sauerkraut
5:15 banana split
6:00 grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes
7:00 do-si-do cookies (many) with
Bed at 9:00
The only good thing about it, is that I decided to write it down. I feel horrible, both physically and mentally.
Mmm... I've gotta make a primal banana split sometime! (I'm guessing yours wasn't but I do like a challenge!)
SW (Nov 22nd 2011): 333, 2 Years: 245lbs
Current Weight as of December 4th, 2013: 239
Short Term Goal: Happy brain, figure out direction in life.
Met Goal: Be a 2x Shirt, Fit in a standard airplane seat belt without the use of a seat belt extension, Better sleep, Be a 1x Shirt
Long Term Goal: 166lbs (One day!), Buy whatever cloths I want to wear.
Pain is temporary, quitting is forever- Lance Armstrong #NoExcuses