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Thread: Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1 page 70

  1. #691
    Gravyboat's Avatar
    Gravyboat is offline Senior Member
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    205 today. 34" / 45"

    My skin looks particularly empty today. Particularly on my belly, it is hanging there lifelessly and feels extremely squishy. Not the best look... I really hope my skin won't always look this horrible.

    Also, since the 5mg melatonin hasn't been doing jack shit lately, I took 10mg last night. Out like a light by 10:30! Woke up fully awake at 5:30! So I'll be doing that from now on.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  2. #692
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    Wow 205 Awesome!
    And good sleep too. I'm going to start taking Magnesium again at night to improve my sleep.
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    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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  3. #693
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    204 today.

    And I just want to thank everyone who comments regularly. I had an incredibly rough night last night after having my self-esteem kicked out from under me and stomped into tiny pieces. And I was able to go back through your guys' comments and remind myself that I'm probably at least halfway worthwhile after all, even if some (most?) people don't seem to think so. Because at least you weirdos seem to think so. And that's interesting to me, because you guys are probably exposed to the greatest amount of my existential whining and over-analyzing. Stuff I don't even dump on my best friend because I know how annoying it is. And none of you are under any obligation to read this crap or write such nice comments. But you do anyway. So I just wanted to say thank you, because you all make me feel like less of a disgusting, pitiful cave troll. Like maybe I do have some redeeming qualities and I'm not just a complete pile of shit like I keep being led to believe by almost every experience I have in life.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  4. #694
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Go, you! That sounds so lame, but I've got nothing hipper to offer. I hate saying it, but things do/can get better, and I think you're coming to realize that more and more.
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  5. #695
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    Uhh, okay, so I got back on the scale and it says 203 now. So: 203 today.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  6. #696
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    Do you want us to come beat that person up for you?

  7. #697
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gravyboat View Post
    204 today.

    And I just want to thank everyone who comments regularly. I had an incredibly rough night last night after having my self-esteem kicked out from under me and stomped into tiny pieces. And I was able to go back through your guys' comments and remind myself that I'm probably at least halfway worthwhile after all, even if some (most?) people don't seem to think so. Because at least you weirdos seem to think so. And that's interesting to me, because you guys are probably exposed to the greatest amount of my existential whining and over-analyzing. Stuff I don't even dump on my best friend because I know how annoying it is. And none of you are under any obligation to read this crap or write such nice comments. But you do anyway. So I just wanted to say thank you, because you all make me feel like less of a disgusting, pitiful cave troll. Like maybe I do have some redeeming qualities and I'm not just a complete pile of shit like I keep being led to believe by almost every experience I have in life.
    Is this crappy individual a before-the-change friend? Is it possible tht they are feeling ever so slightly put out at all the positivity you are radiating? People can be pretty awful and I would look to see what this person's motivation is. You're changing - in probably more ways than what the scale says - and change can be threatening to people. Maybe this person sees your progress as a challenge, a threat or an invitation to assess their own failure to thrive/change (on their own internal goals/terms, which you might be oblivious of). Anyway, if someone is trying to pull you down, especially if they are trying to do it comprehensively, I'd say that you've triggered an insecurity in them and they are trying to defend themselves.
    Your life sounds as though it is in a state of flux or becoming - when this transformative period is over I expect a lot of the dust and kerfuffle will settle - although the landscape and friend ecosystem might look very different, happy-sad to say.

  8. #698
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    I think you are right on the money about someone being jealous and threatened by my success. I'm pretty sure the person I talked to just wanted to take me down a peg. The conversation basically went like this: "Oh, that's awesome that you've lost 55lbs. I've lost 20lbs too, but it's because I haven't been eating, because I just broke up with your ex after being with him for the past year. I know you're still hung up on him even after he ditched you for another girl and broke your heart, but yeah, we were pretty happy together. I just wanted to let you know."

    WHO DOES THAT?? SERIOUSLY??

    Felt like I'd been slapped in the fucking face. And I bet that's exactly what it was designed to do. And it worked; I spent the next few hours shaking as adrenaline coursed through my veins, and oscillating between rage, confusion, and feelings of worthlessness.

    Fuck them both, though. Final conclusion: He's a pathological womanizer who gets away with using women based on his good looks and extremely skillful manipulation, and she's a fucking idiot. They deserve each other. Good fucking riddance. I told her not to talk to me again.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  9. #699
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gravyboat View Post
    "Oh, that's awesome that you've lost 55lbs. I've lost 20lbs too, but it's because I haven't been eating, because I just broke up with your ex after being with him for the past year. I know you're still hung up on him even after he ditched you for another girl and broke your heart, but yeah, we were pretty happy together. I just wanted to let you know."







    Filed in the Friend Fail Folder.
    Damn, it won't let me post any more emoticons.

  10. #700
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    Some people aren't good friend material. This is her way of letting you know that. Too bad she took so long to do it: you could have had her out of your life long ago. Sorry for the hurt. Unfortunately, that stuff tends to stick with you far longer than it deserves to. Ugh. Big hugs.

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