Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1 page 69

[Gravyboat]

Also, hi MrsJenx. Thanks for the message! It's always nice to meet more primal folks in Ohio.

Right now my problem is mainly one of quantity rather than quality, re: making friends. But your advice is definitely good and it's important for me to remember. Being an ultra-perfectionist, I tend to be very judgy, which is not so conducive to making friends. (I do manage to keep my mouth shut, and it's usually more along the lines of "This person wouldn't fit into my life because of <reason>. So, as far as I'm concerned, they no longer exist," rather than "GOD THIS PERSON IS A FUCKING MOUTHBREATHER", but the mental running commentary still happens involuntarily.)

Exacting perfectionism is admittedly not the most awesome trait to have, so I need to work on relaxing my standards a bit. For the good of both my own self-esteem and also my social calendar.

[Crabbcakes]

Y'all are talking about making friends, and all I can see is that awesome afghan behind good-looking you in your man-shirt-pic... Did you make that yourself?? My mama is very talented with knitting needles, crochet hooks, and all kinds of sewing/embroidery needles - I grew up being the human yarn-winder for her, and I guess I now have an eye for stuff like that, and I'm curious if it's handmade or machine-made. I can't tell from waaaaay over here *squint*squint*....

[Gravyboat]

Y'all are talking about making friends, and all I can see is that awesome afghan behind good-looking you in your man-shirt-pic... Did you make that yourself?? My mama is very talented with knitting needles, crochet hooks, and all kinds of sewing/embroidery needles - I grew up being the human yarn-winder for her, and I guess I now have an eye for stuff like that, and I'm curious if it's handmade or machine-made. I can't tell from waaaaay over here *squint*squint*....

It's handmade, but not by me. I got it at an estate sale for like $3! I have a bunch of handmade afghans that I've gotten secondhand. I love em. They make my house feel so cozy.

Here's another pic of that particular afghan while flanked by cats.



I actually also just bought a crochet needle last night. I have PILES AND PILES of yarn, and I knit, but I really want to make some hats, and crochet makes better ones easier.

[Crabbcakes]

Looks JUST like my place - homemade afghans, cats on the pillows, people underneath all. All you are missing from my place is the odd pint-sized human and some bits of crumbly substance that the pint-sizers vehemently deny ever bringing into bed (couch... daybed... sleeper sofa... recliner...).

Nice buy!

[WaylandC]

Diggin' the shirt It's a good color (even as a cold color) and it really does seem to fit you well in the shoulders. So thank you for granting wishes!

[Gravyboat]

Diggin' the shirt It's a good color (even as a cold color) and it really does seem to fit you well in the shoulders. So thank you for granting wishes!

Reasonably well, though maybe just a tad too wide. That's fine, though, because (when I'm not hunched over like that) it creates an illusion of my shoulders being somewhat wider than they are. That is like the least of it, though. It actually covers my chest without puckering horribly, hugs my waist, AND comfortably contains my upper arms! And somehow also buttons over my hips!! I was just blown away.

[unsuperb]

I have never been to Portland, but I feel like my heart lives there. Someday I will move there and join my people. I seriously can't think of anywhere I would fit in more. Plus, think of all those hot earthy flannel dykes who keep their own chickens and only eat organic.. Mmm...

Given the evidence you have provided, you totally would. I used to shun flannel and plaid when I was younger, but now my closet is slowly being taken over. I scored an awesome Pendleton wool flannel and am so excited for the cold weather to come back. This whole 90 degrees business is killing me.

[Gravyboat]

Given the evidence you have provided, you totally would. I used to shun flannel and plaid when I was younger, but now my closet is slowly being taken over. I scored an awesome Pendleton wool flannel and am so excited for the cold weather to come back. This whole 90 degrees business is killing me.

Funnily enough, I LOVED flannel back in early middle school, when I first started going through puberty, developing attractions, and becoming the person I am. This was at a point where I was also wearing boxers and had short hair. Yes, at like 11 years old. Then I got called a bulldyke too many times and felt so bad about myself I went ultra-femme to the point I didn't even wear pants for 7-8 years. Only skirts. So I'm basically just "finding myself again". And I realize that flannel is pretty stereotypical-dyke. But if I hadn't been made fun of so much, I honestly would have looked like this all along.

[unsuperb]

Funnily enough, I LOVED flannel back in early middle school, when I first started going through puberty, developing attractions, and becoming the person I am. This was at a point where I was also wearing boxers and had short hair. Yes, at like 11 years old. Then I got called a bulldyke too many times and felt so bad about myself I went ultra-femme to the point I didn't even wear pants for 7-8 years. Only skirts. So I'm basically just "finding myself again". And I realize that flannel is pretty stereotypical-dyke. But if I hadn't been made fun of so much, I honestly would have looked like this all along.

I shaved my head often when I was younger, but somehow was intimidating enough to my fellow classmates that they never called me names. But I can see how that sort of thing happens. My partner had long hair for the longest time (after once shaving it off in middle school/high school) because she felt it was the only way people would not mistake her for a boy or think she was gay. It's kind of funny how flannel is stereotypical-dyke where you are, but here, it's more hipster/PNW uniform.

[Gravyboat]

I shaved my head often when I was younger, but somehow was intimidating enough to my fellow classmates that they never called me names. But I can see how that sort of thing happens. My partner had long hair for the longest time (after once shaving it off in middle school/high school) because she felt it was the only way people would not mistake her for a boy or think she was gay. It's kind of funny how flannel is stereotypical-dyke where you are, but here, it's more hipster/PNW uniform.

Yeah, women don't wear flannel here. Some hipster girls do, but it's almost always "femmy" flannel. Fashion flannel with ruffles and shit. Or dressed up in an otherwise femtastic way. Like a wide belt with little ribbon clips in one's hair.

It's funny, because I live and grew up in a particularly gay-friendly town (Lakewood), but I was still teased for looking butch. You basically had to look "cute" (not necessarily fashion-femme, but at least quirky 90s rocker grrrrl.. decidedly female, in any case) or you were equated with being a huge, hairy, poorly-dressed, repulsively ugly, shrill, bra-burning, man-hating harpy. I mean, I don't remember that many huge, overt examples of people making fun of me personally, but I do remember a lot of general "bulldyke" jokes being made, and a LOT of "Ewww! Look at that THING!! UGH, that woman looks like a man! She's an it!!!! HAHAH GROSSSS!! I bet it has hairy armpits!!! HAHA" which made me feel like total crap and also terrified me that people probably said those things about me behind my back. It also didn't help that I was fat and especially hairy in addition to having a masculine style preference.

It's a shame to think about how many years I missed out on being myself just because I was scared into conforming.. I mean, what the fuck. My peers were basically telling me I was hideous and disgusting. Hear that enough and you start to believe it. No one should EVER have to go through that.