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Thread: Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1 page 67

  1. #661
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    Crabbcakes is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Here's where you can tell that I am a mommy...

    Yup, buzzy means buzzy! I'm glad that you did keep it to two glasses of cider and then went home - smart chick. But since you think you might be sensititive to substances, I would really stick to the lower end of consumption. I understand you wanting to have the experience - I did the same thing with alcohol. I'm just a wee bit concerned for you (not about you - different thing) that if handled cavalier, you might be setting yourself up for side-effects you hadn't bargained for. Yummy though it might be, alcohol is still a powerful thing...

    There is nothing wrong with being straight-edge about alcohol. Millions of tee-totallers do it every day and still get respect for their choices. I have to tell you, I have so much more respect for non-drinkers than I do for the gals who flounce around bars and don't know to quit while they are ahead.

    When you get that margarita, you might want to ask the bartender to go light on the tequila and triple sec - both pack a punch for the inexperienced. I have a stronger natural constitution when it comes to alcohol, subsequently honed by my years in Germany doing the village rounds with my uncles (not the aunts...), and I have gotten to flat-assed drunk - which, by the way, really really hurts the next morning. I honestly think the better way to go is first-rate quality (flavor) over quantity and speed of intoxication.

    Alcohol does all sorts of interesting things to the brain... if you find that the margarita got to you more than you bargained for, ask your dad to help you right up the stairs and into the apartment, ja? I don't want to read here that you broke some bone falling over trying to get off the toilet or into bed - that would make me sad.

  2. #662
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    In my book, that classifies as drunk. There are varying degrees, since you obviously weren't black-out drunk, but definitely drunk. I started drinking outside of bars with friends, which I think was a good call so I could pay attention to how much did what and make sure to hydrate. I was super light-weight when I started, and even worse now (light-drunk after 1 drink, totally drunk after 2).

    MAKE SURE TO HYDRATE.

    Have funnnnn
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #663
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crabbcakes View Post
    Here's where you can tell that I am a mommy...

    Yup, buzzy means buzzy! I'm glad that you did keep it to two glasses of cider and then went home - smart chick. But since you think you might be sensititive to substances, I would really stick to the lower end of consumption. I understand you wanting to have the experience - I did the same thing with alcohol. I'm just a wee bit concerned for you (not about you - different thing) that if handled cavalier, you might be setting yourself up for side-effects you hadn't bargained for. Yummy though it might be, alcohol is still a powerful thing...
    Well, luckily I can't afford to get smashed. Also I don't have any interest in becoming thus. I was pretty comfortable where I was, though I think I could have had 1, maybe 2 more drinks. After 2, I still felt pretty normal aside from the physical symptoms. I definitely would not go past 4 total, though. And if I had 3-4, I would go a lot slower than I did this time. I drank the first one pretty fast.

    There is nothing wrong with being straight-edge about alcohol. Millions of tee-totallers do it every day and still get respect for their choices. I have to tell you, I have so much more respect for non-drinkers than I do for the gals who flounce around bars and don't know to quit while they are ahead.
    I don't think I'm in any danger of becoming one of those. It's just that I always feel like I'm putting a wall up when I tell someone I don't drink. And I don't go on dates to bars. And I tend to be a little uncomfortable when I am dating someone who drinks because it's so foreign to me. It just feels like a needless line to draw now that I am doing a little better, and I want to stop setting myself apart from others so much. I might yet decide that I am just not interested in drinking, but at least I will know what I'm saying no to, and will feel comfortable walking into a bar even if I'm not drinking.

    When you get that margarita, you might want to ask the bartender to go light on the tequila and triple sec - both pack a punch for the inexperienced.
    I will probably just sip real slow and go in with the intention of not finishing it. I also don't even know if I'll like it.

    I honestly think the better way to go is first-rate quality (flavor) over quantity and speed of intoxication.
    Definitely. I have been looking for tasty-sounding drinks that I think I would enjoy, and I am looking forward to sampling them all (NOT on the same night). Right now, I think I would most enjoy getting my hands on some ginger beer. A 'dark & stormy' (ginger beer and dark rum) sounds especially good.

    Alcohol does all sorts of interesting things to the brain... if you find that the margarita got to you more than you bargained for, ask your dad to help you right up the stairs and into the apartment, ja? I don't want to read here that you broke some bone falling over trying to get off the toilet or into bed - that would make me sad.
    I promise I'll be okay! I'm responsible. And I will have adult supervision.

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    In my book, that classifies as drunk. There are varying degrees, since you obviously weren't black-out drunk, but definitely drunk. I started drinking outside of bars with friends, which I think was a good call so I could pay attention to how much did what and make sure to hydrate. I was super light-weight when I started, and even worse now (light-drunk after 1 drink, totally drunk after 2).

    MAKE SURE TO HYDRATE.

    Have funnnnn
    Having not experienced the various "degrees of drunkenness", I guess I can't really say how far along I was, and drunk vs tipsy or whatever. But I still felt very much in control, just very dizzy, and more smiles than brow crinkles. And I was reading last night about alcohol flush reaction (which I guess I have). It's apparently rare in europeans, but native americans and asians apparently get it a lot. I'm a small part native american, so I guess I inherited the mutant gene from like 5-6 generations ago. Interesting.

    And yeah, I ate a bunch of pork rinds when I got home (also ate some before drinking so I'd have something in my stomach) and drank about 45oz of water before bed. I feel fine today, though a little bit dry (throat was slightly raw when I woke up). And omg, I could not stop peeing last night. That was crazy.
    Last edited by Gravyboat; 08-15-2012 at 11:45 PM.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  4. #664
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gravyboat View Post
    I promise I'll be okay! I'm responsible. And I will have adult supervision.

    And omg, I could not stop peeing last night. That was crazy.
    Very cool - now I can get off the mommy soapbox. It's only because I like you.

    Re the peeing thing - it will happen each and every time. Alcohol has an inescapable diuretic effect, which is why nameless told you to hydrate. Back when I used to work in an office, we always knew who had been out with clients waaaaay too late drinking waaaaaay too much - by the shopping bag full of mineral water bottles carried in by the hungover one first thing in the morning...

  5. #665
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gravyboat View Post
    Haha. Never thought I'd hear those words in my life.
    I still have so many self-esteem problems, for real. I mean, at least I acknowledge them openly, but I don't think that's much of an accomplishment. :P Also I'm still a fucking nightmare when it comes to meeting/talking to people. I need classes or something, seriously. I can't do small talk to save my life. And every time I hear "So, what do you do?" I want to stab myself in the eyes until I am literally crying blood and not just figuratively. I really need to figure out how to gracefully circumvent that question..
    On the self esteem front, particular as it relates to paleo (and exercise, for me). The best way to build it up is to do just that. Every single time I do something right, I pat myself on the back. *I* managed to eat/not eat how *I* wanted to. Next time when I am tempted to eat the entire chocolate bar, I usually can claw back and remind myself of all the times I succeeded. That's easier when you make the point to highlight your successes to yourself.

    When I started back running, oh, how the first mile was hard. I wanted to walk, it was hard, why was I up at some ridiculous early hour? But I stuck it out and on the way back I would feel like I was flying (not in terms of pace, ahaha, but it felt good). And I would say, look, it feels great! It always feels great! The whole day I'll know I knocked out a run and it was great!

    Yeah, it was propaganda and mind control and all that. But since I'm doing it to myself for a good cause it's ok.

    Others had way better ideas about the small talk. I wanted to hit on the self-esteem comments.

    -C

  6. #666
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    Er... I get that terrible flush when I drink alcohol, too. It's my damned native american blood, I'm sure; I have a lot of Indian in me.

    I really don't like how booze makes me feel - at all - and I HATE the taste - but I refuse to feel left out in bars or anything just because I'm a teetotaler. I just say something like I'm the designated driver and discreetly have the bartender pour me a seltzer water and then I hold on to it all night. Sober as a judge, can drive home by myself, and no embarrassing antics, staggering around, wobbling, vomiting, pissing all night, bad choices, hitting on ugly dudes, blackouts, or waking up the next morning in a puddle of mysterious bodily fluids in an unfamiliar place with my pants missing and wondering if I should find a doctor before I sprout some kinda weird rash.

    When I was in college, I used to have to walk past the frat houses to get to the apartments where I was living. On weekends (and some weekdays), the guys lying in the front yard barfing into the gutter didn't look to me like they were having a very good time, and I used to worry about the girls who attended those parties, since quite a few of them ended up either diseased or knocked-up every semester and would have no idea who the culprit was (and there was the inevitable drama of them trying to scrape up the money for an abortion or treatment for the clap without their parents finding out - and yeah I was on the receiving end of quite a few of THOSE requests).

    If some jaggoff wants to give me a hard time because they find out I'm not really drinking, they're not worth talking to anyway; the way I see it, if he's trying to get you drunk and acts pissy when you won't take the bait, he's after something you'll most likely regret later anyway. No thankies!

    Sorry if I'm acting like a big spoilsport. I guess I've just seen some of the worst of what can happen when alcohol's involved and I chose to not be part of that world. Somehow I have the mindset that I'm better than that. Which might help explain all my dating fails, since I'm often perceived as some kind of stuck-up weirdo prude who eats strange food and does strange exercise and goes to bed on time and gets up early and reads WAY too much and thinks most guys are way too totally shallow and immature and needy and pompous to even bother talking with. For most dudes, that's not exactly girlfriend material.

    These days I've been turning to longer and longer IF and sleep deprivation to raise my level of consciousness and peak mental performance, although my physical performance turns to shit when I do these things - but there is a level of peace and tranquility that can come from a nice long IF that I just can't get from any drug that my doctor has ever prescribed for my anxiety; I did 3 days this past week and I am currently planning for a 1-week fast probably week after next (yeah, I want to eat some of my produce down first. Waste not!)

    If I need a boost of creative energy, I wait until a weekend when I know I can have my recovery time, spend several hours with a good book, sketching, or other offline diversion (NOT tv) to challenge my intellect to the breaking point, and then I hit Scrivener hard for as long as I can. (Without pain, without sacrifice, we are nothing. This is your pain. Embrace it. It is only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything.)

    That's about all the mind-altering I do these days. Tame huh?

    Oh yeah, and a good regular IF kills that overeating bug dead, and a nice long IF (2 days or more) brings such peace. Just sayin'. You start to hate the feeling of being overfull or sugared-up to the point where you really don't want to reach for that slice of bread or espresso flavored cupcake! Now if I can just get my family off my back for 5 seconds... those stupid eternal food-pushers! I think I lost 10 pounds when those gluttonous bastards went out of town on vacation!

  7. #667
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    Personally, my problem is always eating ENOUGH rather than too much. I can IF for a long time without even thinking about it, but when I do, I immediately stop losing weight. I don't tend to go much over 1200 or so calories a day. Sometimes it's more like ~700, sometimes more like ~1500, but I usually have to force myself to eat even though I'm not hungry. So IF isn't a great idea for me. But I'm glad it's working for you! I wish I lost weight when I don't eat, because that would be so easy for me, but unfortunately it doesn't work out.

    Also, I'm DEFINITELY not glorifying the idea of binge drinking or being in on idiot frat boy house parties, and I'm DEFINITELY not interested in "hooking up" with anyone, least of all dudes. I just want to be able to go to a bar and feel comfortable there, like I belong there. It's one of the only places adults tend to hang around in a casual atmosphere and talk to strangers (aside from events, like volunteering gigs, and I don't drive so I can't get to any of those ever. And it always seems so staged and high-pressure and scary that I tend to chicken out even when it is somewhere I can get to).

    Frankly, I have basically no friends right now, and I don't like it. I feel like a complete outsider to human society all the time, and I don't like it. And I know that I have encouraged it in a lot of ways, because I needed to be left alone. I couldn't deal with human interaction for a long time. But I'm doing better now and I want to be with other humans. I'm not about to start watching tv sitcoms and listening to shitty radio pop, and I'm not about to change any of my interests to be more conventional. But I don't see any reason that I need to continue to avoid alcohol and bars anymore.

    As I remind myself, being different just for the sake of being different isn't some kind of virtue. It's just being a hipster douchebag. I'm being a hipster douchebag. And honestly, I'm already different enough without forcing it. I already have a personality and unconventional interests and opinions and world views. I don't need to "milk it" any more to purposely set myself apart. I already am apart. I want to work on being less apart.

    I honestly look forward to having at least something in common with other people if I learn about alcohol and sample different things. Yes, I am actually trying to expand my horizons into the mundane, just so that I have that knowledge. I find it really difficult to talk to most people currently because we usually just have absolutely no overlap in human experience. Not that I really want to connect with those people, because they tend to seem pretty boring to me, but it still makes me feel like kind of a pathetic failure when I can't even hold a simple conversation with another human because I'm too weird and different. And yes, I realize there are other ways I could look at that, but it seems like it would be pretty arrogant of me assert that I'M the benchmark, and no one else is measuring up to ME because they're not different ENOUGH. The fact is that they are the majority, and it's probably a smart move for me to at least learn how to speak their language and feel comfortable among them. At least well enough that I can feel like I'm part of the human species and I don't need to hide away in my hermit cave like fucking Gollum or something because I'm too different to even interact with anyone else.

    Basically, it has felt for most of my life like the rest of humanity is in one big cool club that I'm not invited to. And for a long time, I had so many issues and was so beaten down that I accepted it and even wore it as a twisted badge of honor. But now I'm ready to have friends, and I'm ready to try to live a somewhat normal life, with, you know, a social schedule and actual human interaction. I am done sitting in my cave by myself with my weird-ass hobbies, savoring my total lack of knowledge of the experience of the rest of society while also crying about how alone I am. Yes, it feels kinda morally superior to have "risen above" everyone else by being so unique and unconventional, but it's also completely shooting myself in the foot when it comes to relating to others. So, fuck it, I'm inviting myself to the cool club. I have spent my whole life drawing a line between me and other people, and now I'm erasing the line. Because that line is stupid and unnecessary and is actually only hurting me.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  8. #668
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    I wonder if your self perception is the polar opposite of how others perceive you. I wonder this based on a/ how cool you seem here and how I would love to met you IRL and be your buddy because, frankly, in prose at least you rule; b/ your stories of crazy-cool unicorn fairy girl...I wonder if she reads you as just the zen master of cool *because* of your separateness. What you self-identify as awkwardness, I'm pretty sure others read as being 'above the fray'. That can be pretty intimidating, but also very attractive in a moth-to-the-flame 'what's her secret?' kind of way. It's as if you have moved beyond the humdrum signifiers into your own special zone of cool. You totally own your look; you're smart; you think you're tongue-tied, but I'm pretty sure that might simply read as beyond it to other mere mortals.
    I say this as somone who is fairly often told that she is intimidating. Now, I do not FEEL intimidating! I do not *try* to intimidate, but I'm tall and have a strong personality and, y'know, opinions and shit and I know stuff and I aint doing no giggly apologising for no one. Apparently that intimidates people. Who knew? And that message, that I've been given a lot since moving country, really crippled me for a while. Because I don't want to intimidate people...but fuck em, it's their problem.
    So please don't take this reassessment as gospel if it isn't a happy thought, but I do think that your social awkwardness probably isn't a problem in the way that you experience it to be - I think that other people might well think that they cannot live up to your level and hence feel awkward themselves rather than you being inadequate. Ugh. I do far too much gushing here, but honestly I find your uncompromisingness and the way you prioritise what is important to nourish your own soul just *so* attractive. and impressive. so there.
    Last edited by badgergirl; 08-13-2012 at 01:50 AM. Reason: retard grammar

  9. #669
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    Well that's a really flattering theory, but I'm pretty sure it's not true. Of course, I don't really know. All I can see is the fact that no one ever really talks to me, and when they do, they ask the standard questions, and I don't know how to answer them in a way that sounds upbeat and interesting, so they respond with "Oh..." and then look around, trying to find an excuse to walk away. Maybe I'm just talking to the wrong people, but it seems to happen even with "alternative"-type "super accepting" people. Therefore I'm pretty sure I must be a cave troll if I can scare even those people away.

    Oh, I don't think I mentioned, though. I emailed the local feminist choir because I didn't hear back, and they were like "YES!! We'd love to have you!! Rehearsals start next Sunday! Here's all the information! Welcome to <choir name>!! We can't wait to see you there!" So that's really exciting, and the two women I have talked to so far through email have seemed suuuper nice and welcoming. And they said that when I arrive, they will set me up with a mentor who will sit next to me during the rehearsal and answer all my questions. So I won't be confused and anxious and alone. Hooray! I hope I meet some nice people. I think it'll be awesome.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  10. #670
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    Oh good. An activity is the best way to meet new friends. Singing in a chorus is awesome!
    Paula Primal since 9/24/2010
    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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