Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1 page 40

[Pebbles67]

Wow, that was quite an intense reaction. Glad you feel better.

[Gravyboat]

Hum. So I didn't eat anything after my wheat performance on sunday, because I didn't want to make problems worse, then yesterday I ate 2 strips of bacon and 1/3lb ground beef and an egg for breakfast, (then some walking, and carrying 20lbs of groceries around), then a banana and a bunch of cherries ($1.99/lb!!!) for lunch, and then a bowl of shepherd's pie meat with 1.5 organic fingerling sweet potatoes (I couldn't finish the second one because sweet potatoes give me a mild bellyache).

Today my body feels totally non-bloated. Everything feels firm like it should, and I look good in the mirror. Frankly, if someone told me I'd never be any visually smaller than I am today, I would probably be ok with that. My only reservations would be "Ew, but what about my giant upper arms" and "Oh no, eternal thigh rub.." But visually, aside from the arms, everything's looking good.

So why am I up a pound?! ROAR. Ok, fine, I'm not actually angry. It's probably just because I haven't pooped in like 4 days. Might even be longer because I don't actually remember the last time I produced anything.

Still!

PS: Glad I didn't farm today because we're having a huge thunderstorm.

[WaylandC]

Send some of that thunderstorm to my area kthxbye.

I know that personally I tend to ignore my body when it sends a signal but recently when I've listened more and found that I pick up the signal easier. Now, it just comes down to me continuing to NOT ignore my body when it says it's time to go.

I assume that your situation is a little different in that your signals are crossed or don't come through. Maybe setting aside a time or two each day would help? You probably already do this. Just ideas.

Overall, you're doing great so keep at it.

[Gravyboat]

Send some of that thunderstorm to my area kthxbye.

I know that personally I tend to ignore my body when it sends a signal but recently when I've listened more and found that I pick up the signal easier. Now, it just comes down to me continuing to NOT ignore my body when it says it's time to go.

I assume that your situation is a little different in that your signals are crossed or don't come through. Maybe setting aside a time or two each day would help? You probably already do this. Just ideas.

Overall, you're doing great so keep at it.

Actually, right after I posted that and ate my breakfast, I suddenly had to go. So I guess it worked itself out on its own.

If I put aside time to try once a day, all I really end up doing is straining and popping blood vessels, and that's no good. So I definitely pay attention and go do it if/when I feel the urge. I just don't feel the urge very often.

By the way, I should really do more of those planks.. Yesterday I was walking around and my back was just killing me (especially the part right above the lower back, so basically right in the middle of the spine). When I look in the mirror now, my spine looks normal. There is no more huge obvious S-curve! But clearly something is still wrong. I do know that my back muscles have felt super hard and tense lately when I put my hands back there. It's like feeling a powerlifter's back. Kinda weird. I think maybe I need better back muscles to hold my spine correctly so it doesn't hurt? But at the same time there is obviously a fair amount of muscle already there. Maybe I just need a massage or something.

What do you think, WaylandC?

[WaylandC]

I think a massage is always a good choice if for nothing else than the touch of another that is meant to convey care and acceptance. With your spine looking better-aligned visually the muscles may be reacting to being in a longer position than what they are accustomed to.

You could try to some relaxed holds in the fetal position (knees toward chest). It may be easier to do those relaxed on the bed or floor with the knees and feet below you (back toward the ceiling); essentially laying your body on your knees. You could also try lying on your back and with your knees up and feet flat on the floor, then allowing the knees to fall to one side and relaxing there for a moment and then to the other side. This should help loosen up a little if for no other reason than taken a moment for yourself to relax and breathe.

[Gravyboat]

Thanks so much. I'll give it a try. Hopefully I am able to even get in the fetal position, as I am still quite big and have a belly.

[teripittman]

Try taking DHEA before bedtime. My naturopathic doctor recommends a low dosage for women, around 5mg. I use 25mg. It helps with your hormone levels, helps with weight loss and sleep. I also use Calmes Forte, which is a homeopathic sleep aid.

[Gravyboat]

Try taking DHEA before bedtime. My naturopathic doctor recommends a low dosage for women, around 5mg. I use 25mg. It helps with your hormone levels, helps with weight loss and sleep. I also use Calmes Forte, which is a homeopathic sleep aid.

I appreciate your suggestion, but it seems like there have been no conclusive studies about its efficacy in treating people with any of my issues. Also, as someone with PCOS, I don't want to supply my body with anything it can turn into more testosterone. It seems that women with PCOS already have high DHEA on average, so I don't need more. Don't get me wrong, I like my hirsutism and all, but I'm trying to help my body restore its own balance, not make it worse.

If it had a lot of solid scientific support, I would read everything relevant and then maybe consider it if the data seemed to show it would be a good idea for me, but there seems to be more claims for its abilities than actual proof.

[Gravyboat]

Man, I feel like crap today.. Ugh, just achy everywhere, mild headache, can't seem to wake up, etc. My tongue is also fuzzy today, so I'm thinking candida. I ate 3 bananas yesterday, so maybe that did it. I'm gonna guzzle down a bunch of iodine today.

I'm also stressed out (probably not helping matters) because I checked my bank account. After bills, I have $50 for the month, and that's taking my account back down to zero. $25 of that is going to end up going to cat food. So, $25.. And I have 1 bus ticket left. Which means I need to buy more. Each day I use the bus is $5.. At this rate, I can barely afford to get to therapy once a week this month, let alone go farm or, god forbid, go have fun.

My dad said he gets paid this friday and will try to send me some money, since he didn't last month. I have no idea how much, or if, or when. I don't want to call him and bother him for money, but I seriously don't know how I'm going to survive the month.

And, frankly, it pisses me off that the first summer I've really ever been willing and able to get out a lot and go do things and meet people and live life, I can't because I'm so fucking poor I can't even afford the bus. Nevermind affording a car, I can't even afford the BUS.

[Gravyboat]

Just went out and sunbathed for half an hour in this, then proceeded to walk 3-4 miles, the last half of which carrying 20lbs of groceries.

Please kill me, I long for death.