Huh, ok. My scale is suddenly broken (it said 186lbs today and I lol'd), so I guess no more daily weigh-ins. Probably a good thing, though frankly I don't find anything especially virtuous about remaining ignorant. I know it's just a number, but I like quantitative data. Oh well.
Anyway, my body is looking pretty good right now. My fat still feels squishier than it did, but I do not look visibly bloated anymore and my butt is relatively smooth. I'm hoping that softer fat = less fat.
I know that I really don't need to hyper-focus on my eating and exercise habits like I have been. I know that if I just keep doing what I'm doing, I'll eventually drop down to where I should be, whether I pay close attention or not. So maybe I should just take a break from worrying about it and find something else to do with my time.
I don't think I've posted about this yet, so here is a running list of food that upsets my stomach now. I'm posting it so I can try and pick up on any patterns (aside from excess sugar, which is obvious), and will post more as I have more bad experiences.
- milk chocolates
- sweet potatoes
- Phoenix mocha (NOOOO!!)
- peanut butter milkshakes (NOOOO!!)
- vitamin C (wicked heartburn - gotta get some ester C)
- sour cream
Yeah, so... I'm pretty sure I have a dairy problem. Rats.
Last edited by Gravyboat; 03-15-2012 at 03:00 PM.
God, ugh. I've had this leaky, bloaty pseudo-period for over a week now. GO AWAY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Currently dealing with a KILLER headache. Feel like my head is in a vise. Also, my hands are itching and swelling like they used to occasionally.. I ate a couple spoonfuls of a new bottle of local unpasteurized honey today on an empty stomach, around 4 hours ago. That's the only thing out of the ordinary.. Can't think of anything else it could have been.
I'm going to not touch it for a while and then perform another "experiment" with it later. Maybe in a week or so.
My hands used to itch and swell up painfully a couple times a year and I could never figure out what caused it. It would be kind of silly if I'm allergic to honey.
Omigosh! I know, I said I would stop weighing. But I managed to squeeze a few drops of life out of my scale, and it says 237 today. Also, my measurements dropped. waist = 36.75", hips = 50.5". I haven't been at this weight since I was 19. And I've always considered it one of my lowest adult weights. The only time I was lower was when I was sprinting every night when I was 15 or 16. I got down to 215ish, but found it unsustainable (due to horrific asthma attacks) and stopped.
I think this is a combination of my period ending and also eating very-low-calorie the last two days. I tried to skip dinner both days, but ended up having small snacks instead because I was very hungry. Either way, didn't eat much. First day was 3 strips of bacon and 3 eggs in coconut oil for breakfast, then the same for dinner. Second day was bacon and eggs again, followed by a pear, about 2-3oz of chicken, and a small 1x1" chunk of mozzarella. That's like ~900 calories per day.
Tried my new fancy organic fluoride-free expensive-ass toothpaste that arrived yesterday. Tastes like salty lemons. It's ok. I recently discovered that the tartar deposit on the backs of my front bottom teeth is spreading to the front through one of the gaps. And since I have the energy to actually get of bed and care for myself now, I want to start paying more attention to my dental health. I've started oil-pulling with coconut oil and brushing and flossing regularly.
Haven't decided yet whether to go to a dentist for a full cleaning. I imagine I probably will, since it has been... several years. But only when I am fully confident that I can take the abuse. They sure do love to harp on people for not brushing and flossing regularly enough. And I'm nearly self-righteous enough to go on a "Thanks, but fuck you, I'm disabled. Stfu and do your job" rant in return. I think I'll do what I can to improve my own dental condition first and then go in a month or two if I still need a professional finish.
Yay! There's nothing like lowest weights.
I've taken a page from DeMuralist's journal, and have a list of intermediary goals: pre-pregnancy weight, college weight, last time I was in shape weight, etc. decided I am going to have a big (non-food) treat each time I hit one. It is just too long to wait to get all the way to GOAL weight (if I even knew what it was. It has been so long since I have weighed anywhere near a normal weight, I don't know what I will look like. Spot on might be right, or ten pounds more, or twenty. The actuality of being 140 is so foreign to me.).
I know what you mean! I have no idea what I'm going to end up looking like. I was 200lbs at like 10 years old and haven't been there since. And I've been so heavy into body-acceptance (bad pun) for so many years that I honestly accepted and was a-ok with the idea of remaining ~260ish forever. So the idea of me actually being... thin... is really, really weird to me, and I don't have ANY idea what that would (will?) look like, though I can make guesses.
Originally Posted by Sabine
Also, I think my final goal is actually something more like 180 (maybe even lower, I have no clue), but I'll only know when I get there. All I know is that I need to get to 200 first and see how that looks. I think mini-goals are nice to have. Hitting the 230s makes me really happy. I thought I looked really good when I was 19, so it's nice to be here again. And when I hit 215 I'll be even more excited!
I should consider adjusting my ticker, since my highest weight was actually ~300lbs. So I've technically lost 63lbs! I lost the first 40 like 2.5 years ago, though.
Oh, and my "skinny pants" from 260 (my army-green jeans), that used to "shrink" in the dryer every time, are seriously baggy at this point.. It does not look good at all. The crotchal area is so rumpled and bagged-out it looks like I'm wearing diapers underneath. Not cool. I should do laundry soon and put them in a super hot dryer to see if they fit better afterward.
I haven't tried on my favorite brown skirt in a long time because it's covered in clay stains, but I'm pretty sure it would fall off my hips right now. I'll have to pin it again.
I think it may be time to go thrifting for new clothes, but since I don't know what size I wear now, and I certainly can't eyeball anything to see if it'd fit me because I have no sense of my current body size, and thrift store clothes are so variable in size anyway (despite the number they're marked with), I think it would just be pretty frustrating and fruitless overall. Maybe a trip to Old Navy for cheap crap would be better.
[Octavia: portrait of a delicate, refined little princess.]
Went out to the gay club tonight! It was fucking PACKED. Danced my ass off for hours. I can feel all of my abdominal muscles right now. I am going to be so sore tomorrow.
Oh, and two random strangers grinded their asses against my crotch. Some drunk dude pinned me against a wall and grinded on me. I did not know how to feel about it. Flattered? Interested? Threatened? Grossed out? Amused? I still have no idea. Also, a (presumably) really drunk girl came up and rubbed her ass vigorously on me. So I grabbed her hips and grinded back like any normal human being would. She was squishy.
Gotta love the gay club!