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Thread: Gravyboat's Log, Stardate 59575.1 page 20

  1. #191
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    Pebbles67 is offline Senior Member
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    Way to go Gravy!!!
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    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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  2. #192
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    Waiting with baited breath. Will she, or won't she?

  3. #193
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    billip: I'm not a hypochondriac. Whether or not you think I look fine, I assure you I have actual medical problems. And, frankly, I am real sick of people telling me that my issues are all in my head. It took 6 years of badgering before a doctor actually listened to me and checked my ovaries for cysts. Lo and behold, there they were. I ain't making shit up. I live in this body every day and I know when things are wrong.

    And seriously, what were you expecting? 5 o'clock shadow? Some kind of horrible disfigured hag with warts and a full handlebar mustache? Counter to popular opinion, it is possible to be medically hirsute and also pretty and relatively normal-looking.

    I also don't appreciate you telling me what my own sexual orientation is. And, based on your self-description, if I met you irl I'd most likely have no attraction to you whatsoever. I don't like douchebags.

    Seriously, though. You don't think that the entire world being based on hetero relationships would make hetero relationships vastly easier to find/engage in than the alternative? There's like 3 gay bars in my whole city. There's about EIGHTY TRILLION straight bars. It simply is easier to find hetero partners. It's a numbers game, plain and simple. And when dudes are practically falling from the sky all around you, and your first choice is nowhere in sight, or has repeatedly rejected you, and you're lonely? Yeah. You're damn right I dated dudes. Doesn't mean I'm straight. You make the best out of what you can find.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  4. #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabine View Post
    Waiting with baited breath. Will she, or won't she?
    "Baited" is the right word, for sure.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

  5. #195
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    And...she does!!

  6. #196
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    *applauds Gravyboat*
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

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  7. #197
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    I was just really surprised to read you describe yourself in pretty negative sounding terms, but then look perfectly normal in your pictures. What? You sounded genuinely ill. Yes, unsurprisingly if you say your are covered in hair and have inward knuckles, I don't expect you to look 100% normal instead and better that huge numbers of women. Maybe you do have have medical problems, but I can definitely see why you find it hard to get traction with doctors. I mean, I approve of the defiance and everything, but what are you defying if you look totally normal? And I am allowed to sceptical when you have a whole scheme of what you like about men worked out, talk about relationships with men and say how much you hate gay bars and dislike the woman in them. Everyone has to have a bloody group to identify with, even though that's a crap principle and another daft extension of contemporary Marxism. Come on, when I suggested that you might have a glandular tumour and you were receptive to the idea, and then I read some more and and it turns out that without the wheat and seed oils everything is returning to normal, and that you find infuriating? Maybe I could have put it differently, but you can surely see why I might be surprised.

  8. #198
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    Oops. I DO know how to spell. (Most of the time.)
    But if he had read your whole journal, he would have KNOWN he was baiting you, so, yeah, we'll go with that!

  9. #199
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    OMG, This is why I should catch up on the whole thread before posting. I totally missed that post.

  10. #200
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    Quote Originally Posted by billp View Post
    I was just really surprised to read you describe yourself in pretty negative sounding terms, but then look perfectly normal in your pictures. What? You sounded genuinely ill. Yes, unsurprisingly if you say your are covered in hair and have inward knuckles, I don't expect you to look 100% normal instead and better that huge numbers of women. Maybe you do have have medical problems, but I can definitely see why you find it hard to get traction with doctors.
    Can you understand why it annoys me when people assume that "hairy fat girl" = "hideous freak who is visibly ill"? And then when it turns out I actually look like a nice young woman, suddenly I have no illnesses and it's all in my head? Do you expect me to, like, play it up? Walk around in ripped sweatpants and an ill-fitting old t-shirt with pit stains and my belly hanging out?

    I'll admit that you probably have a point that the reason I have trouble getting help from doctors is because I LOOK fine. But it still annoys the crap out of me, because physical attractiveness and sense of style don't have anything to do with health.

    I mean, I approve of the defiance and everything, but what are you defying if you look totally normal?
    Actually, I like proving to people (men and women) that fat hairy girls can be just as sexyhot as anyone else. I just went out a minute ago to walk to the pet store and back (it's a little over a mile round trip), and got "holla'd at"/given the flirty face by 5 different guys. FIVE. This while 225lbs and with visible hairy legs under a tight skirt. I ain't interested in any of those dudes, but the fact is that it's possible to be both hairy and fat and also attractive. I think that's a positive message for everyone, and my biggest hope is that women will see me out doing my thing and be inspired to accept their own natural bodies too.

    I had an experience when I was about 14. At the time, I was fiercely self-hating because of my weight, and I covered myself from head to toe, even in the summer. I thought I was horrible and hideous. So anyway, I was at a coffee shop and this big lady walked in. She was probably around 300lbs, and she was wearing a sleeveless shirt (which would have scared the shit out of me at the time) and she just seemed completely self-confident. I remember she had a huge, vivacious personality that just glowed out of her. I was blown away. It showed me that I didn't have to be ashamed of my body just because I was big. Here was a woman who was even bigger than me and she seemed to utterly own her life. She did not seem scared and ashamed of herself like I was, and it showed me that I didn't have to feel that way either, no matter what I looked like. I felt so inspired, and I still remember the experience 10+ years later.

    I hope I can give that same experience to other women. That would make me very, very happy.

    And I am allowed to sceptical when you have a whole scheme of what you like about men worked out, talk about relationships with men and say how much you hate gay bars and dislike the woman in them.
    I've only had relationships with men, so of course I talk about it. And I really don't hate the gay bar. I like looking at girls at the gay bar, and I feel sexy and comfortable at the gay bar, but it's just so cliquey. And I keep having bad experiences there (like the other night). I think it may also just be THAT gay bar that is the problem, but as there aren't many options where I live, I'm limited.

    Everyone has to have a bloody group to identify with
    I don't have a group that I identify with, and I do believe I was just crying about that the other day. I'm really different, and I'm not going to try and shove my square peg in a round hole to try and belong, but it does feel isolating and frustrating sometimes.

    Come on, when I suggested that you might have a glandular tumour and you were receptive to the idea, and then I read some more and and it turns out that without the wheat and seed oils everything is returning to normal, and that you find infuriating?
    Well it's definitely getting better. I haven't been on psychiatric meds since October and frankly I don't need them anymore. But I'm not exactly sure what specifically is causing the improvement or if it's a collaborative effect. After all, I am taking a bunch of supplements. And I'm still having some problems. Like, my hair still falls out in handfuls, though I am seeing noticeable amounts of new growth too. And sometimes I still get panic attacks and can't make myself do anything (like go buy food, or take a shower even though I really need one). So it's not perfect. But it's worlds away from where it was, sure.

    I still think a growth could be involved. At some point I will go back to my doctor and say "Oh hi, I've lost XXlbs since last I saw you and I would appreciate a FULL AND COMPLETE bloodwork profile, please." He was cool enough last time so maybe he'd do it. I would also like to see what my vitamin/mineral levels are, and if I am deficient/excessive in anything. And a cholesterol workup would be interesting to see.

    _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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