Welcome to the Journals Forum! I've found it to be a very friendly community. Good luck with primal and I hope that you're feeling better soon.
I am a 30 year old mother of two darling little girls. I am just about 5'1" and lets just say that I'm getting way too close to weighing almost as much as what 2 people of my height are "supposed" to weigh. I have always struggled with my body image, and have ALWAYS had a tummy. Even in high school, when I was very active in sports including tennis and track, I still had virtually no waist. It was embarrassing and very hard to find clothes that fit comfortably for my height.
After the birth of my second daughter, I allowed myself to skyrocket to a weight that I had never even dreamed possible for me. In the time since then (about 18 months) I have struggled to lose the extra pounds. I did try paleo/primal once for about 2 weeks, and did fantastic! I even saw a hint of a curve where my waist had never really appeared before! I gave up after those two weeks because my husband is extremely unsupportive and really pushed the snacks and alcohol while on a family vacation at the end of the summer.
This past weekend, my husband took me out with friends for my 30th birthday. The night was fun but quickly skyrocketed out of control with alcohol and all sorts of shenanigans. I woke up the next day and was pretty much non-functional for about 24 hours (the kids were with Grandma). I have never felt so rotten in my life.
The hangover was only one part of the absolute torment that I felt. For the first time in my life, I had allowed myself to lose complete control over my choices with alcohol. I realized that I have been doing this in my life in many places and that I had, without a doubt in my mind, hit rock bottom. I spent the whole day wallowing in misery and pain as I reflected on how much of my life I am letting just "happen". It made me sick to think about what kind of example my health is showing our kids. My husband is in worse shape than I, so his story is for another day and for him to tell, but I knew that I needed to make a change immediately.
So here I am, one week after my 30th birthday, feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life. I am self conscious, heavy, un-energetic, grumpy, and just extremely the opposite of anything that I have ever been. BUT, there is a little pinpoint of light peeking through this icky haze. That light is the awareness that I have the knowledge and power to change my existence in this world.
I am starting this journal for a couple of reasons. First, I need a place to feel supported in my decision to go paleo/primal. I am not supported at home and I need to share my victories, challenges, opinions, and questions in a respectful environment. Second, I am hoping to use this forum as sort of a mirror so that I can see where my triggers, hang-ups, and patterns are. I have never felt more committed to doing something for me in my whole life. I hope to gain great knowledge and friends on this journey.
Welcome! This is most definitely a friendly and helpful place, and paleo/primal is the only way I ever feel *good* mentally and physically.
Let me share one of the great bits of wisdom I acquired during my 30s (I'm 42 now):
No one--NO ONE--has to like or accept my choices but ME. That includes my husband and the rest of my family. I love them, they love me, but *I* am the one who has to live intimately with my choices. So, my father-in-law who thinks he knows everything in the whole world because he's a brilliant physicist (he is) and who thinks I am killing myself with my food choices while he snarfs processed, low fat food and no vegetables, can stuff it. My hubby who is a rarely-eats-vegetables pescatarian (fish eating vegetarian) can stuff it too.
This is your body, your life. Make choices that fit your needs.
Perhaps your hubby is afraid that if you get fit and sexy, you'll leave him. Or maybe he's afraid you'll put pressure on him to change. Or maybe he already feels guilty and full of self-loathing because of his own condition, and he wants a partner to share the misery. I don't know, and unless he tells you, you don't know for sure either. But HIS choices are his to make, YOURS are yours to make.
I assume you're the meal maker in the house. If so, just cook paleo and make a side of rice or potatoes or whatever for the hubs. My hubby knows he's in charge of his own entree if I'm not making fish, he's welcome to the veggies, and I won't nag him about the way he eats if he doesn't nag me about mine. Luckily, my hubby is more supportive of me choosing my path than it sounds like yours is, but we have tangled in other areas and I maintain that marriage does not mean I've taken on a boss.
YOU are important. Treat yourself, your body, and how you feel that way.
Best to you.
I blog about living life to the fullest at The Hairy Edge. Check it out! (Or not. We can still be friends. )
Wow! Thank you so much for the kind and powerful words! I do have a very strong feeling that eating this way is my way to health. I had a great first day yesterday and as for today, so far so good. After my yummy eggs and bacon breakfast and chicken and pepper lunch I had to ask myself, "Why did I EVER STOP THIS??"
Aside from feeling absolutely obsessed with food and wanting to eat everything in site, I'm hanging in there and feeling great. I am looking forward to the very near day when someone looks at me and says, "Have you been doing something different? You look.. good.."
Oh and PS, any day that I can grab an extra piece of bacon mid-morning as a snack has to be a good day : )
Yay for you! And bacon is the highlight of this lifestyle. Tastes so darn good.
Don't worry about how much you're eating at first. The carb-flu cravings send the signal that you're hungry. If you consistently send it protein, veggies and fat, it will shut up eventually. I've honestly gotten to the point where I skip meals because I'm just not hungry. Had 3 strips of bacon and some coffee this morning and went without a snack until lunch 5 1/2 hours later and wasn't all that hungry. At first, though, I ate and ate and ate. Your body will fall into line soon enough.
I make sure I never get too hungry or do anything that makes me feel deprived. I splurge on good cheese and cut off a slice and just love on it. Good quality dark chocolate too~even a half a square eaten mindfully makes me feel like I've had a big, gooey dessert. And bacon: good quality, no nitrate bacon. The thing is, my grocery bills have actually gone down even though I buy quality food. That boxed, processed crap never fills you up and is expensive. I stick something in the crock pot on Monday, eat on it most of the week, have bacon and eggs or a bunless hamburger when I'm tired of the crock pot stuff, big salads and veggies with butter or a quick cheese sauce.
You'll see a difference quickly. I've dropped a size and a half since January 2. The jeans I could barely button and would *never* have worn anywhere are sagging in the butt and thighs, and I'm swimming in the waist. Of course none of my bras fit anymore either, and *that* I could have done without. Wish my thighs and butt would lose half as quickly as my bust!
Keep up the good work! Drink lots of water as it really will help make you feel better overall.
I blog about living life to the fullest at The Hairy Edge. Check it out! (Or not. We can still be friends. )
So an update for day number 3..
Last night I was extremely annoyed at my husband for various reasons and I did something that I have done way too often in the past 8 years. I grabbed something to eat! I actually heard in my head, "Well he's being such an ass, I will just turn on the TV and eat this snack.." The snack was goldfish crackers (I LOVE THEM). Aside from this my day was so perfectly paleo. GRR!!
Here's the thing though, today I am actually AWARE of what triggered my poor snacking choice and I feel as though I can head it off at the pass next time. I realize that eating in response to emotion is never good, but for just this moment I am going to keep a nice yummy batch of primal trail mix in the closet just in case.. I'll work on the emotional eating after these darn carb and sugar cravings subside.
Today I made the mistake of not taking enough food to work for the day, so I was scrambling (won't make that mistake again!!). The old me would have gone across the street to McDonalds, the new me marched into the grocery store and bought a small thing of Sushi. I know, I know, RICE!!! But I'm calling this a fair trade from old McDonalds me. I even skipped the soy sauce due to the ingredients. So I'm going to call this a victory. Yay me!!!
Aside from the food obsession, I am feeling pretty darn good. All of this water in my system that has replaced all soda and coffee is really making me feel great. Also, I noticed this morning that, despite my goldfish party last night, I am feeling significantly less bloated than normal and that my eyes look much less puffy this morning.
I am ignoring the fact that my 5 year old darling girl asked me this morning if I had a new baby in my belly because it is big enough to have one and I am feeling pretty darn good about myself.
Ahh!! The carb hangover is gone!!!
I feel so GOOD today! The colors are brighter, my head is clearer, my skin is prettier, and my tummy is already noticeably smaller! Yay!! Oh and the sautéed spinach, onion, bacon, egg scramble that I ate for breakfast this morning was heavenly.
Last night, hubby came home with a big thing of coke for me. Instead of getting quietly angrier and angrier, I ambushed him during a commercial. I said to him, I really really want you to stop buying soda, beer, chips, for me. I am trying to change my eating habits and it is really hard to say no to something that I used to love right now. If you want to get these things for yourself, I'm fine with that. Just keep it in the 'man cave'. He responded with "okay dokey, I was just trying to get you a treat for doing such a great job this week." So I said to him, if you really want to get me a treat for how awesome I am, maybe you could go to the store and pick out the prettiest steak you can find for me? That would show true love!
He laughed and the night was saved from a bitter argument and guilt of drinking some icky soda. Progress!!
PS. We have decided to plan a big vacation to Disney in May, so now I have ultimate motivation to get to hot mom status by then. Easy peasy..
good stuff!! keep up the good work!
It occurred to me that I never actually stated what my goals are for this journey.
To weigh 125lbs or somewhere in the vicinity at (almost) 5'1. (I am 185 right now.. gulp)
To stop browsing the plus size section of department stores.. Sheeh, at this point it is to just stop buying pants one size higher every 2 months.
To gain definition in arms, legs, and back, and to reveal that I am capable of showing a waistline (I know it's in there somewhere!!).
To improve mood
To gain focus and mental clarity
To drastically reduce alcohol consumption
To Gain energy for more activities with the kiddos and hubby
To regain a sex-drive that has been lost for years
I figure if I put them down here then every time I peek back into the forum they will be popping out at me. It's harder to ignore them here than it is to let them get lost in the monkey chatter of my crazy mind!!
And now, it is time to go eat the most unbelievably delicious beef stew that man ever created. Jeez, I wish I had of paid more attention to what I threw in there!!
Alright, so today was a BIG day for me. First of all, I feel so incredibly great! I don't care if this is attributed to my new lifestyle, the sunshine that has been blessing our area, a change in season, my cat deciding that it is no longer appropriate to sleep on my head every night or whatever! I am going to go ahead and blame it on the new diet of meat/veggie/meat/meat/veggie/fat/fat/fat. It's working. I feel... lubed up.. Not in a gross perverted way, but in a -my joints are all greased and feeling like they want to move- kind of way.. It's nice!!
This afternoon my mom took me out for a late birthday lunch with some old friends that we hadn't seen in a long time. We went to a regular restaurant that had pretty decent fare. I have to admit that I have NEVER in my life ordered something that wasn't exactly on the menu so I was a bit nervous. I had a seriously big craving for a burger, which is funny because I don't think I have ever ordered a burger from a restaraunt either. So I nervously asked the waiter if I could please have the smokehouse burger, medium rare, with extra jalepenos, extra onions, extra bacon, no bun, no french fries, and could he please serve it on a bed of greens... (Eyelashes batting at this point) He, along with my mom and friends looked at me as though they weren't sure if I was kidding. He said, "Wait a minute, do you want a burger and a salad?" I took a deep breath and said, "Well yeah, kinda." "Well what kind of dressing do you want?" he inquires (a relatively normal question to this insane blond asking for more bacon and less bread) I said, "Go ahead and keep the dressing, just throw the burger on top of the salad and you will have a happy girl." This got a smile out of him and my gang. Held in breaths were released, my ordering was over, and everyone was happy. I have to say, this was an OUTRAGEOUS success! I was in heaven with my meaty, salady goodness and I didn't even bat an eye (well okay and eye was batted, but a finger wasn't lifted) at the mounds of french fries set on every other plate at my table. I'm pretty sure I Mmm'd and Ooh'd throughout the meal. I'm not sure what the conversation was about. Oops!
Tonight, the hubby went out with friends so I got to have a girl night with my kiddos. I was so satisfied and happy from lunch that I didn't even worry about my dinner. I whipped something up for the girls, got them to bed, and then realized that I had an awesome beef stew in the fridge. A big bowl of that later and I was sitting happy. So I did what I normally do on a Friday night. I broke open a pretty bottle of sparkling wine. I had a glass, went and poured another glass, took a sip then threw the glass in the sink. What was I doing? This is NOT the me I want to be anymore! So, I promptly ran to the DVD set, dusted off the old FIRM workout box that I have had sitting since I begged my husband to buy it 2 years ago, and pulled out the 21 day transfomation plan. I then commenced to doing something that I haven't really done in a loooonnnnngggg time.. I.Worked.Out.
And I kicked it's butt! Well, my butt is going to be SORE tomorrow but it felt so good! So primal! So sweaty! Oooh I feel good right now! Thank you primal. Thank you Mark. Thank you Robb. I am getting a life. A good life. A great life. And now I will sleep like a baby.