Eep, things may be eh after this weekend...I'm eating stuff I definitely normally don't allow, even on most weekend days, but I hope I will not pay too dearly for it. Tomorrow am planning on being as good as gold. And then Monday, of course, it's back to being super strict and hope to do so until Thanksgiving...*crosses toes and fingers* By Thanksgiving am hoping to be in lower 140s.
Yikes, almost up 4 pounds from Friday morning. Well, let's just say that there's no huge surprises here. Here's what happened. First of all, today is the last day of my "cycle" (I don't have periods any more because I'm on medication to stop them for a lot of reasons, but I do have some minor symptoms and bloating at the very end of my hormone pill cycle every month, and the last few days were the last few days of the pill cycles). So that could explain a little of the bloating.
But most, I admit, is because of me. Friday, I had hoped to eat very clean in anticipation of Saturday, but clean was not the word. I didn't eat a whole lot of food, but I did eat things I shouldn't have, including pizza at lunch (provided by our boss) and some cookies. If that was the only day of chowing down, then I would have been okay, but the problem is, I went on to eat like crazy on Saturday. And I ate whatever. Some things were deliberately healthy, but other things not so much. I could also TASTE the sodium bloating me up.
So yesterday was a recovery day, and I ate pretty well most of the day.
So let's see how well I recover this week. I am heavier this Monday than last Monday but the hormones could play a role AND I did eat more over this past weekend than last weekend. So some of it could be real weight, but most of it is just water retention, I'm guessing. But I know for a fact that there's no way that I gained 4 REAL pounds over the weekend, so I anticipate that with clean eating the next few days and LOTS of water that I can wash it all out. I hope that by Friday I am 143.something, but that is going to take a LOT of discipline this week, like keeping sodium relatively low, etc.
Then this weekend I am NOT going to have a loosey-goosey day. I am going to hold out until Thanksgiving. Yep, I can do this!
146.8 - still up but going down, if that makes sense!
I didn't eat much yesterday. I took the day off work because I felt so bone-tired and was getting a bad headache and so figured I might be coming down with something, which is bad on a day when I have work, then a 3 hour class, then a 2 hour writer critique group all in one day. Well, so I took the work day off, went to the other two things and I was fine. But there was no time to eat anything besides a banana the rest of the day once I set off for class!
I'm SO trying not to be frustrated with myself. I know I have these tendencies to throw everything aside for social events that involve food. I know that at these events I lose control a lot of times and can't stay out of the bad-for-me foods like chips and dip or pizza or cupcakes or things I just plain shouldn't be eating any more, much less like there's no tomorrow.
I know that these "free days" are the reason my weight loss is so slow. But I know that psychologically right now I need them or I will throw everything away. Also, I don't think I could take it if I gave up all those things and then my weight loss was slow or non-existent. So my way of being more extreme during the week seems to work out well, but I haven't found a good solution to really eradicate stuff like doughnuts all together, because seriously, I just shouldn't be eating that crap, period.
So I'm trying to be kind to myself and realize that this is a process.
Yesterday I made the best shrimp stir fry in the world, but I ended up feeling guilty because I did use about 2 teaspoons of cornstarch. I just wanted to see what it would taste like. I know cornstarch is a HUGE no-no but it did taste good and I wish I could have it every day. This is what's so hard. I need to become at peace with the fact that I can choose to be chunky as I approach my middle age or I can choose to get rid of these problem foods and be an ideal weight for me. It's all a choice, but damn, why can't I just discover a pill that lets me eat whatever I want and be healthy and my ideal weight? Why does it have to be such a damn struggle ALL THE TIME, every day. I wish I could be one of those people that just forgets to eat or just doesn't care about food.
Sorry, this sounds more depressed than it actually is but I'm REALLY tired of hovering above 145. I hit 144.8 on Friday and have eaten well for two days in a row so I want the water weight to GO AWAY sooner rather than later so I can get down below 145 again. I WILL NOT and WILL NOT keep losing and gaining the same two or three pounds again and again as what has been happening since the summer. I will take my pictures and measurements at the end of the month.
BEtween September and October there was an embarrassing lack of progress. Maybe only a difference of 2 pounds in weight and my measurements barely changed. Now I've been working a lot harder at it this month, so I expect it should be better, but if I can't break this 145 area by the end of the month, that will mean I can only lose 2 pounds a month and that's with all this obsessing. I HAVE to change something about me because I know that part of the problem is all these "special events" in my life where I let myself eat what I want for a day and then it takes 4 or 5 days just to recover. SIGH. I want it all and it's just not possible.
I wish I knew what other people did to change their attitudes. I need a BIG change of attitude, especially to get me through the holidays. How in the heck am I going to get through December with holiday parties and those damn cookies that only come up once a year that I love so much? That was the beginning of the end for me last year, the beginning of that insidious weight gain that I've never recovered from.
Sorry, I'm sounding very rambly and not making logical sense, so it's just a brain dump, I'm afraid!
Onward to the day!
144.8 - whoo hoo!
That's what I was at my low last week. This time I do not have any sort of obligation today that will get in the way or tempt me. The last two Wednesdays I've had social events that involved food I wasn't planning on and/or alcohol.
My next plan is to really get my running into gear from now through the holidays. No, I don't believe in chronic cardio, but I do know that when I'm running regularly (4-5 times a week) and with some HIIT thrown in, I am able to get away with more slip-ups. I do not plan on tons of slip-ups, but I do know that realistically? They will happen.
Yesterday I made primal chili. It was very yummy. Sort of took from a variety of recipes I found online, but mostly just added beef (pieces of steak cut up PLUS ground beef), onion, green pepper, tomatoes, fresh salsa, chili peppers, jalapenos, broth, spices, etc. It was REALLY yummy. So I have that for the rest of the week!
143.2 this morning!! omg, way better than I hoped. And I still have one more day before an "official" weigh-in (Fridays).
I think some of the things that have contributed to a faster loss this week (besides getting rid of water weight from the weekend), was that my hormonal medication changed. I'm on these pills to stop my period, and back in June they changed names. The pharmacist said they were exactly the same, but my body said otherwise. I had some cramping and bloating and then while I can't blame it for the ten-pound gain this past summer (THAT I easily blame on the divorce stress and eating out like ALL THE TIME and then going on a 3 week vacation and eating freely), it may have contributed some water weight. Anyway, the formula changed just this month. Since I've been taking the last few days' worth of pills, my weight has whooshed downward. It could TOTALLY be coincidence. I don't know. But it could be one factor. The other factor is I switched the morning smoothie that had fruit, kale, and some protein powder over to a more primal breakfast of bacon and veggies (with one egg). Far more delicious and satisfying. The other thing is that I'm starting HIIT with my running. I've only done that one day so I can't totally say that's a contributing factor, but we'll see.
I don't really care because I LOVE the whoosh!
143! I don't think I've seen that since last May some time! I really hope I've left the 148s, 149s, etc. in the dust!
142.8!!!!! omg, I haven't seen a 142 - anything since last May and that was only for a brief moment. I'm totally so close to my usual range that I was in for years (that was still too heavy but still...) of 137-141.
Now this is a nice way to end the week! I mean, my weight will likely go up over the weekend a little because I tend to indulge a bit more then. But I will not be going over the top because I want to save it for having a guiltless Thanksgiving!
Starting Weight(October 29): 151.2
Last Week: 144.8
Current Weight: 142.8
Week loss: 2
Overall loss: 8.4 (cavaet: some of this is water weight, probably about 3 pounds worth is my guess)
I'm just so encouraged. Well, note to self so I can come back to this entry: This is what works.
During the week, especially Monday through Thursday:
Breakfast: 3 slices bacon, veggies sauted in bacon fat, 1 egg
Snack (about 12 raw almonds)
Lunch: HUGE salad (half a bag of lettuce mix, cup of kale, some cut up cucumbers, 1 oz cheese, 1/4 avocado, 1 hard-boiled egg, 1/2 already cooked chicken breast, a few pepperoncini peppers, a few red onion pieces, 1 tablespoon olive oil, spices, rice vinegar, 1/2 an apple
Dinner: soup of some kind or stir fry with protein and veggies mostly. The last few days a primal chili.
1 glass of wine with a few days of no wine
Friday: Indulge more, although not over the top. I can have a few things I've been craving during the week, like chocolate covered pretzels, but I find I need less of it.
Saturday and Sunday: A little looser than Monday through Thursday, but mostly sticking to veggies/proteins. Just not the exact same meals as above.
Exercise: running about 4-5 times a week, some HIIT stuff 3 times a week. No strength training yet. Will add that in later.
Vitamins taken: 10,000 IUD D3, a B complex, multi-vitamin for women's health, and something for joint health
145.2 today, and that's okay. I had Thai take out. It was delicious.
I think I might have eaten more yesterday but my teeth were really bothering me! I recently got some fillings done on both sides of my mouth PLUS I have some sensitivity issues on one side from gum receding, and wow, there is no place where my mouth doesn't experience some sort of pain when I eat or drink. I don't think I've EVER had a pain-free mouth in my adult life, which is sad. This is one reason I've never been tempted by ice-cream, too! ;D
146.6 - meh! But no surprise...
Monday means ALWAYS my highest weight of the week. There's something about my body that likes to puff up big time for Monday. Or I should say that there's something about me that can't control myself when going over to my parents' house for dinner on Sunday evenings. The days wheN I do that, no matter HOW healthy the dinner, I bloat up like a balloon.
So given that I know I didn't eat 14,000 extra calories over the weekend, especially because I ran a total of 8 miles this weekend, I know it's water retention, especially because I ate some grains and legumes, and it will go down, but I am impatient and want it to go down before Thanksgiving because obviously my Friday weigh-in will be horrendous, haha. So I need a clean Thursday weigh-in. But here are the obstacles in the way...
Tonight - dinner out with friends. My PLAN is to just order a side salad (eat before I go out) and glass of wine. But who knows.
Tomorrow and Wednesday: I have appointments after work both days, which could get in the way of my running, and I am so into it now that i'm in good running shape. Especially my 15-min HIIT events.
Wednesday - my sister's family is coming into town, which could mean a food fest (pre-Thanksgiving) at my parents' house that evening. If it's GOOD food, it will be difficult to resist.
Thanksgiving - I plan to enjoy myself.
The main challenge will be Friday through Sunday of that weekend. I do NOT want to let loose and eat whatever because that will be deadly to my progress. But I don't want to stress and hide away from people either. I need a plan.
Sunday- I'm inviting a few friends over for chili. Sounds innocuous but my friends are bringing over homemade bread.
I need a plan for all of those things, and I should be all right.
146.6 again. Now I'm grumpy about it.
This bugs the crap out of me. Why in the world would I put on 4 pounds over the weekend and it not budge after 3 days of eating healthy (albeit not always exactly on plan)? Why? Because I dared to go out last night with some friends and have a normal life. Instead of eating my usual soup, I had hummus and veggies (THE HORROR!) and one glass of wine.
ARE YOU SERIOUS, BODY? Is that why you are clinging on to this weight? Hummus and veggies? Wine never causes bloat for me unless it's 2+ glasses.
This is b.s. Apparently I have no way of figuring this out on my own. I have got to go back to strict something (carb counting or calorie counting) but I like real food too much and it makes me so tired, the time I'm going to have to put into weighing and measuring every single thing from every single ingredient of things I make. I already made chili for the week and I have NO idea what the calorie count is. I know that nothing in it is high on its own and it's all real food and no starches/grains/legumes/sugar. And what about going out to eat with friends or going to my parents' house for dinner? I don't know how to handle real life, in other words. I would probably already be my ideal weight if I lived in a bubble, completely on my own. But I refuse to live like that.
okay, rant over. I'm sure my body will cooperate and drop 3 water weight pounds over night just to please me. /sarcasm Just in time for Thanksgiving. Ugh. Losing weight around the holidays is FRUSTRATING. But I can't let it go and just maintain because this weight is so unacceptable to me. But if it's so unacceptable to me, why do I keep sabotaging?
Down over 2 pounds at least. Still not where I was last week at this time. Damn, I hate water retention. My body is super stubborn about it, too!
Nothing to say except that my brain is already going into high holiday overdrive and I'm already nervous about flubbing up even today and today is not a holiday. Tomorrow I'm okay with eating whatever. One meal at a time, one choice at a time. I can DO this. I'd like to have a decent weigh-in tomorrow before the craziness begins. Ha. Well, let's just say that I won't hit below 142.8 tomorrow probably (my low from last week), although I suppose it's always possible. That's only 1.6 of a pound. If I dropped 2 more pounds overnight (yes, I know most of it is water weight still from this past weekend, so 2 pounds overnight is nothing), then I would show a loss from last week. I think it's only possible if my sister and family do NOT come into town this evening, thus creating a festival at my parents' house tonight with food and drinks. Then again, who is in charge here? Seriously?
But anyway, usually Friday is my official weigh-in day, but because Thursday is Thanksgiving, I'm going to do it tomorrow. So it would be doubly cool if my body showed a loss from last Friday to this Thursday since it won't be 7 days. Ah, well. Doubtful. Another day of 2 pound drop would be a darned miracle, haha.