This Time It Will Stick...A 40=something woman tries Primal page 4

[thepigisatastyanimal]

Perfect, thank you! I've tried coconut flour in a few things and haven't been successful (too dry!). I've had more success with almond flour and will be sure to give these a try.

[olehcat]

So, I need to take a media break from online media and blogs and forums.

It's just all overwhelming to me right now and I'm spending WAY too many hours reading forum posts and comments, etc. eep. So I need to turn it off this month and get some other aspects of life lived!

Will be back, just not for the rest of the month.

[olehcat]

Okay, I wonder if anyone remembers me, haha. I had some very lovely supporters back in March when I was journaling here, and then I disappeared.

My life last spring and over the summer spiraled out of control a bit and exploded in late May when my husband of 20 years and I decided to divorce. We're still best friends, but it was still such a shock to the system, that I just stopped caring about what I ate. I know that's counter-intuitive.

Anyway, I am back. I am trying this again, and I am determined this time. I have also decided that I am going to focus on doing what I can day by day. If circumstances or life just makes it too hard, then I won't worry about it. I tend to be such an all or nothing person, that I think, well, crap, I can't participate in my mom's birthday, might as well give this ALL up and just throw it all away. And in reality, one or two bites of birthday cake is not going to kill me. Eating cake every day will.

My main weakness is red wine. I know it's acceptable on primal/paleo, but I also know it's supposed to be a "once in awhile" treat. I would happily drink a glass or two every night. That's going to be the hardest thing to curb. Seriously, I can go cold turkey on sugar, grains, flour products, etc., but giving up wine. There is something about sipping a glass slowly all evening and feeling warm and relaxed. *sigh* But that will probably be the last habit i drop. I will see what happens with dropping everything else for awhile.

Already I lost 1.6 pounds in a few days since starting this for real on Sunday again.

So any of you, especially women past 35 or so, have any success stories so far since I've been gone? I've been immersed in the delicious thread called "Share a Triumph" here for days, just reading about 10 pages at a time. I LOVE success stories.

[olehcat]

So it's been a few days.

On Sunday I weighed in at 149 pounds. This is beyond a major YIKES for me since wow, last spring when I posting in here, I was shocked and appalled that I was around 143. Ha. I'd LOVE to see a 143 around now. I've been hovering in the 146-149 area now for a few months. It scares the crap out of me because it's obviously not just bloating or temporary. I'm a full ten pounds heavier than I was last year at this time, when I was agonizing over being 136-139 in general, haha.

Anyway, today I am around 147.4. My first mini-mini goal is to be under 145 again. I actually haven't seen that since some time during the summer. My next goal is to just be under 140 again. That will be a massive relief to me. I was ALMOST there last May when I cut sugar/most grains out for about 3 weeks. I hit 140.something, and ugh, then my now ex-husband came home and it was all over for me.

Okay, I'm babbling, but I wanted to talk about how good eating like this makes me feel. I am not perfect as far as getting perfectly organic or grass fed food. I did get some grassfed beef at the farmer's market from a local farm. I also got one whole chicken from them. I got some bacon, too, which is absolutely delicious, but....they put nitrates in it as I discovered later, so it's actually better for me to buy a brand from a grocery store without those added things, which makes me sad because well, I like the farm one better and it tastes so real. I could ask them if they have any that don't have the preservatives or slight sugar added, but I don't know. Anyway, I love how I can have two thick pieces of bacon and a half of an avocado for breakfast and barely feel any hunger until lunch. And then at lunch, I usually just eat a light salad with my own homemade vinaigrette and a handful of raspberries. For a mid afternoon snack, I have a few pieces of deli roast beef and a hard-boiled egg. YUM! Dinner is always challenging because I want my tastebuds to dance and sing, so I make a lot of coconut milk curries, spicy combinations. And sometimes I"m not sure if I'm doing it just right there, whether I might be accidentally taking in too many calories. Also I have been having a glass of wine almost every day.

My job is kicking my butt right now and I'm just so tired and stressed at the end of the day that really, I've had to fight the urge to binge on CW food. And not even particularly unhealthy (CW, that is), like chocolate, but more like huge amounts of rice or bread or something. I would like to take up running again, even though that's not particularly primal, only because it clears my head and loosens my body when it's been that stressed.

[olehcat]

So it's been almost a week. I'd say I've been mostly 90/10 as far as Primal. Or maybe more like 85/15, if I consider a little usage of dairy products in the form of cream cheese and heavy whipping cream a few times.

What happened during the 15 percent off? Well, probably more wine than is ideal. Ugh, it really is my one vice. It's such a pleasure after work to sip wine while cooking. I don't think I"m willing to give that up unless I hit a real weight loss/health stall. So what else? I had a few (like 3-4) peanut m&ms a few times. Like I said, I had cream cheese a few times (yum). And then last night, my mom's birthday party was at a mexican restaurant, and I DID have nachos on corn tortilla chips and a few margaritas. Eep.

This weekend promises to be challenging. It's a good friend's birthday today and I am meeting with her for dinner, and while I don't think there will be cake involved, there will be land mines as far as food choices. And then my parents want me to come over for the family birthday celebration for my mom to "have some cake" tomorrow. Well, I will probably just take a tiny piece, take a bite, and mush it around my plate so it looks eaten, lol. But still. This has always been my biggest issue. Not being able to handle social situations where CW food is involved.

Plus, and this is super embarrassing, but I don't think many people are reading this so I'm just gonna say it. My mom still thinks I'm vegetarian and I'm not ready to pull that plug yet (I really don't like the way she or my sister fixes meat, HAHA, so this gives me a pass not to eat it for the last few years), but that does mean I am severely limited eating in front of them right now. Plus I feel like a hypocrite. But I am giving this primal lifestyle some time to kick in and when I see some dramatic changes as far as weight loss and health, THEN I will reveal that I am no longer vegetarian. But until then, I am living a double life, haha.

So when I weigh myself tomorrow, it will be one week. I know I had lost 2 pounds as of yesterday, but then I went up one pound after eating off plan last night. I'm going to try my hardest to eat pretty clean today. I would LOVE to see a 2 pound loss for the week.

[Diogenes]

I'm pulling for you olehcat! Sorry, I'm not female, but I am over 35, lol. Nobody is reading my journal either, so I read yours. Are you doing any lifting or anything?

[leighlu]

Olehcat, I am 43 and female. I have been primal for a year now. I have lost 103 pounds. I went thru the exact same stuff, divorce, stressful job, etc. I had more weight than you to lose, but that really does not matter. You can succeed at this. It was a great year, and I had many stalls, but it worked. I feel amazing and I look awesome.

Good luck I know you can do this.

[olehcat]

awww...Thanks, leighlu and Diogenes! Great to hear from you!

Diogenes - I am not lifting, but I have started adding the two primal arm exercises in -- push ups (I'm up to 10 girlie push-ups, and that is er...good for me!) and VERY aided pull ups on a door frame pull up bar. I can do maybe five and that's with TONS of leg help. I wonder what it will feel like when I ever get to the point of being able to even do an unassisted chin up on my own! Also I've started running/walking again. I know that running is not "primal" per se unless the weekly sprints, but it always makes me feel good so I do it. I've just started that back up after having a calf injury for awhile.

leighlu - Oh wow! Congrats! 103 pounds is HUGE. How completely inspiring! Thanks for telling me this. I've REALLY enjoyed reading hte thread about triumphs and getting inspired by the many successes!

As for me this weekend, well, some goods and bads. I did not perform stellarly, but I'm pretty proud of myself considering the circumstances. One social food event after another!

But I had a BIG triumph. My parents had kept my birthday cake there from last week. They sent it home with me today. Normally that would have been a "pass" for me to binge on it tonight (or at least have a BIG piece) and then "start fresh tomorrow." I actually had NO desire to have any whatsoever. I threw it away when I got home. I had had a bit of my mom's birthday cake while over there this evening and it just made me feel icky and didn't even taste that good. Could I be weaning myself off sweets for real?

Last week on Sunday: 149
This week (Sunday): 147.4
Loss: 1.6 pounds

Not too bad! I'll take it, considering I was FAR from perfect this week! And I did not suffer at all, nor did I feel deprived of anything I wanted.

In general, I feel really good, higher energy and better focus. I hope this continues! I really need it, as this month is super stressful and intense at work!

[olehcat]

So first the bad news...

Suddenly on Tuesday I weighed in randomly 2.4 pounds heavier than I was the day before. I have no idea why. I had had Thai food (green curry, no rice) for lunch, but I had had that before with no water weight jumps. So yeah, one minute I was preening about my 1.6 pound loss this past week, and the next moment, it was like it never happened, plus another .8.

Yes, I understand that it had to be water weight. I certainly didn't eat very much that day before, and I was doing a lot of walking around.

It's only that I really can't bear big fluctuations like that when I'm at the beginning of a journey. It makes me skittish and it's the reason why I've given things up within a few weeks of almost every single eating plan, way of life, diet I've ever done.

So don't weigh yourself, some people might say. Well, easier said than done. First of all, it's not like my clothes were loose, like I hear some stories here about people not losing any weight but suddenly they wear way smaller clothes. This is not one of those incidents. I don't exercise enough (yet) for that to be an issue. This was pure water bloat.

So yesterday I drank as much water as I could, and managed to pee some of it out. I was a full 1.1 pound less this morning, but it's STILL over a pound heavier than my weigh-in on Sunday.

So then I ask myself a million other questions. What if it's not really water weight? What if my little cheats this past weekend were something I can never do (and thus making this lifestyle unattainable in the long run since life does happen). What if I can't get away with 80/20. What if I'm one of those people who has to be 100 percent? I'd rather be fat, I guess. I don't want to be THAT person who always has to have special food at events and who won't eat Grandma's pie at holidays.

Yes, I realize I'm going over the top in exaggeration, but these fluctuations really freak me out. I think I need someone to talk me off the ledge.

On the good news front, I feel great. I can't tell you whether it's mostly getting rid of the sugar and eating quite a bit of fat that's giving me this much focus and clarity of thought or whether it's some of the supplements I've been taking (B complex, 5000 vitamin D, fish oil, etc.) or all of the above. But despite still being WAY heavier than I should be (*IMPATIENT SIGH*), I feel better.

Another reason why I want this bloaty icky weight to GO AWAY soon is that running is harder with the extra weight. I feel like an elephant on the treadmill and i know it's harder on my knees. Last year at this time I was ten pounds less and yes it makes a big difference. I want my post-divorce weight to GO AWAY so I feel symbolically back on my game, too. You know? So I'll see what happens by my next weigh in. If I'm not down at least another pound by Sunday, I will need to reassess.

So for breakfast right now, I have:
2-3 strips bacon
1/2 avocado

Lunch:
salad (vegetables, lettuce)
homemade vinaigrette
handful of raspberries

snack(s)
hardboiled egg (fresh farm egg)
nitrate-free deli roast beef slice
a few olives
2 spoonfuls almond butter

Dinner:
depends. Last night I had roasted chicken drumsticks, roasted vegetables, dipped in wing sauce (no sugar or weird ingredients). 1 glass of wine

TONS of water.

Anyway, that's my story right now. Wish me luck to get rid of this water bloat. I need to be down at least to where I was at weigh in so my fragile little ego can handle it, haha.

[olehcat]

Okay, so this morning I weighed in the same as Sunday and Monday, 147.4. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I ate pretty darned clean today, but I had soup and that always makes me all bloaty because of the sodium. Meh. I used organic completely natural broth, but it was not low sodium either, so I'm sure I'll get to bloat up like a balloon again tomorrow. SIGH. I'm so sick of water weight. I want to know my REAL weight.

Oooh. Here's what I wish. I wish when you stepped on the scale, the scale would tell you what specifically caused the number to go up: like it would say, "Sorry, it was that piece of cake you had two days ago." or "Don't worry, just bloating from the soup, it will be down in a few days." Or "Really, you've been eating too much for the last week."

Anyway, I really wish the scale would go below 145.Wow. When I went up this high some time in the summer for the first time, I thought it was just a water-weight fluke and that SURELY it would go right back down again. No, now my weight has CLUNG to the upper 140s. It's super super scary for me. I mean, for YEARS I was in the upper 130's, and I thought THAT was bad enough. Oh, I would CRY with happiness if I saw the upper 130s now. I haven't seen that since almost a year ago now. Right around the holidays last year is when things went wrong. I ate and drank too much for about 2 weeks straight, and then I made tons of cookies, too, and sampled them. And yeah, when January came around, I was in the mid 140s. I was able to recover down to around 140.something by late May, but then came the divorce and LOTS of eating out with my soon-to-be ex who was footing the bill and all logic went out the window and there I was in the upper 140s. Wow. I haven't been this heavy since maybe 4 years ago and that was only for a very brief time.

This scares me big time because I wonder if any of it is hormonal. I am 42. I am on birth control pills to take away my period (don't get me started on how wretched my period symptoms are -- losing weight is actually EASIER on hormone pills than without). I jsut wonder if it's all catching up. My age, my extreme stress for the past 4 years, hormones, etc. Is it that I can never be thin again? I used to be so tiny. I was 125 wiht muscles and probably looked about 119. I looked awesome. I want that back so badly. I would ideally be 109 pounds, but I am willing to see what I'd look like at 120. It may be about ideal for me. I wish my body would just regulate itself.

Okay, I am REALLY rambling and babbling, but I just needed to do that. Thank you, if anyone is listening!