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    veriria's Avatar
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    Not eating at the same time as spouse?

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    Eating primally/paleo has really helped me and my husband to lose weight. He went from about 230 pounds to his current weight of 193 pounds. I've gone from 172 pounds to my current weight of 147 pounds.

    I'm getting increasingly -- concerned? Annoyed? I'm not sure which word correctly describes how I'm feeling -- but anyways, there are some days where I'm just not hungry until many hours after waking up and I don't find anything wrong with it. My energy doesn't seem to suffer and I sleep better than I used to pre-diet change. I talked to my husband the other day and he seems to be at the polar opposite end of the spectrum -- he says that he is constantly hungry.

    However, as much as he says he eats well I don't think that he does all the time. When I do eat I'll eat meat and vegetables/salads. When I go to work I have to plan my food the day before in advance because I have no food options otherwise (I work onboard Amtr@k trains in the cafe car. Have you ever ridden the trains and know what food I'm talking about which I sell? Yeah. Totally not an option!). I don't think that my husband is as careful in his food choices. I mean, he doesn't even know we have a frige full of food most times, and tells me how he got X brand fast food while at work, or will tell me he didn't know we had meat -- because it was frozen and he didn't know how to unfreeze it (lol).

    Could this simply be because he's a guy (his constant hunger, I mean)? It just seems like so much of a difference between us!

    ANYWAYS, I guess I'm just ranting here/looking for a little support and maybe even some advice. I'm just not hungry at the same time as him anymore. I've found that if I eat when I'm not hungry I tend to start gaining a little weight and I certainly don't want that.
    Last edited by veriria; 02-01-2012 at 08:17 AM.

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    sbhikes's Avatar
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    My partner and I have always been opposite of you and yours. He's the one who is never hungry and I'm the one who is always hungry.

    Seems to me that if both of you are actively trying to lose weight together that you'd both benefit from separate meal times for a while, at least a few times a week, if that is what it takes to make it happen. If he needs you to cook, there's no reason you can't just cook for him and put your share in a tupperware for later.
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    Well I don't mind cooking food for him and me, and putting a portion away for me or him for later. I do it often enough actually especially when I'm cooking my food for work the next day. Sometimes he is the one that "gets upset" that we aren't eating together, or I'm not hungry. It's just weird. I've talked with him before about it but he either refuses to understand or just doesn't, probably because of the I'm not hungry and he always is thing.

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    Just stuff him silly every chance you get so he doesn't want that train sandwich. Maybe.


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    Is it a social issue for him? Some of us are raised to eat meals with our families, and we get used to the dinner table as a social space. Would he be okay with you sitting with him and chatting, maybe with your coffee or water or whatever?

    As for what he eats, you can do your best to make sure there's extra when you cook so he has a primal option, but at the end of it, he's an adult who has to make his own choices. You cannot be responsible for the choices he makes when he's out. You can talk about healthier options, but that's about all you can do unless you're going to make his lunches for him. It sounds like he's still seen some benefits from primal, even if he's less strict about it.

    On the not knowing there's food or how to thaw meat, that sounds like an excuse to me. He's a grown man who can open the fridge door and have a look--it's not like he doesn't know people keep food in the fridge by now. And if he doesn't know how to thaw meat, he should ask or take the time to look it up himself. To me, that seems like "I'm going to pretend to be too helpless so that you will take care of this for me." He needs to take some responsibility for his own food as well and not expect you to provide him with all his meals, especially when you are not hungry. If you do it sometimes as a caring gesture, great, but he shouldn't assume you'll do it for him every time.
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    i've been through this before, my husband is brilliant in many ways but literally sometimes he will shock me with his approach to food-- "this tuna in a can says do not microwave, do you think it's safe to microwave the can?"

    one thing i have found that helps is to really sit down and explain to him what the concerns are, for example, "i'm concerned you are not eating enough whole foods protein- see look, i get X grams per day and I am a Y lb female doing Z exercise and my weight is steady/dropping/etc.- how can i help you get enough protein?"

    for my husband, sometimes just going to a restaurant together, even if it's not a meal time for me, is good for him to learn to order healthy foods and i usually get a coffee or water out of it. we can talk about things he wants to order and i can explain to him what certain cooking methods are, or give hima guess on grams of protein. or sometimes if i'm on my way home from work i'll pick him up something already cooked that is protein rich (cocktail shrimp, cooked fish, chicken, etc.) this also prevents late night surprise trips to the local pizza joint-- usually if something healthy is there, he'll eat it... he just doesn't always want to procure it and cook it.

    not sure if these tips will help you but i know it can be a sensitive hard subject to broach, and this is what works for me so far.
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    Quote Originally Posted by veriria View Post
    Sometimes he is the one that "gets upset" that we aren't eating together, or I'm not hungry.
    Oh yeah, I know that one well. The whole "be together" thing. I guess that is why I've used breakfast as the main meal for expressing all my various paleo diet trials and techniques. My high-protein, high-fat breakfasts. My bulletproof coffee breakfasts. My IF no-dinner only happens on nights when I'm not going to be home for dinner.

    It bothered me for a while that I couldn't do things my way all the time and it bothered me a lot when he got diagnosed with rosacea and most of the diet advice for that is exact opposite of everything paleo, but what can you do when harmony is important to you? Complain and then try to figure out how to do the best you can, I guess.
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    When I get up, I make my husband's breakfast and his lunch (and my kid's lunch). Then I go to work, still fasted. There are mornings when it's almost impossible for me to bear the smell of that bacon I am cooking for him with mushrooms, and peppers... or cutting fruit or carrots for my child. After work, I come back home and cook supper. On the weekends if I am not hungry, I just have a cup of tea and sit at the table with my folk. It's hard, but just like your husband, mine will go and eat out in the school cafeteria (he is a teacher) or buy fast-food. Luckily, he is frugal, so if I pack his food, he won't waste money. And, i told him from the start, that a hungry person doesn't lose weight. His mom was trying to starve him for years, so I make sure he gets food. We were unsuccessful to bringing him to his normal weight range (<180 lbs), but we brought him back from 205 going onto 210 to 190's where he keeps fluctuating depending on his commitment. I still did not lose hope to see him in the 170's.
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    Apex Predator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by veriria View Post
    Eating primally/paleo has really helped me and my husband to lose weight. He went from about 230 pounds to his current weight of 193 pounds. I've gone from 172 pounds to my current weight of 147 pounds.

    I'm getting increasingly -- concerned? Annoyed? I'm not sure which word correctly describes how I'm feeling -- but anyways, there are some days where I'm just not hungry until many hours after waking up and I don't find anything wrong with it. My energy doesn't seem to suffer and I sleep better than I used to pre-diet change. I talked to my husband the other day and he seems to be at the polar opposite end of the spectrum -- he says that he is constantly hungry.

    However, as much as he says he eats well I don't think that he does all the time. When I do eat I'll eat meat and vegetables/salads. When I go to work I have to plan my food the day before in advance because I have no food options otherwise (I work onboard Amtr@k trains in the cafe car. Have you ever ridden the trains and know what food I'm talking about which I sell? Yeah. Totally not an option!). I don't think that my husband is as careful in his food choices. I mean, he doesn't even know we have a frige full of food most times, and tells me how he got X brand fast food while at work, or will tell me he didn't know we had meat -- because it was frozen and he didn't know how to unfreeze it (lol).

    Could this simply be because he's a guy (his constant hunger, I mean)? It just seems like so much of a difference between us!

    ANYWAYS, I guess I'm just ranting here/looking for a little support and maybe even some advice. I'm just not hungry at the same time as him anymore. I've found that if I eat when I'm not hungry I tend to start gaining a little weight and I certainly don't want that.
    Are you eating the same/similar portions? Depending on different factors like exercise, metabolism, etc, he may just need more calories. Throw some extra fat on his?

  10. #10
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    My husband and I do seperate meals. He likes to eat at 9 pm (yikes) and always has to have breakfast, too.
    I am more of a lunch person and late afternoon (4pm/5pm) dinner kinda person.
    He eats less than I do yet has a hard time losing body fat...I see why. Eating dinner at 9 pm that is high in carbs just ruins the whole over-night fat loss.

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