You can afford this therapy.
Hi everyone! I have been a long time lurker, but first time poster. I really like how helpful people are in this forum, and I really need some help. I'm looking to lose weight and would appreciate some input. Some background (this will be a little lengthy- I'll try to keep it as brief as possible): I'm a 19 year old female, I'm 5'8" and 157 lbs. I'd like to lose 15-20 pounds. I have a history of eating disorders: a couple years ago, I developed anorexia and had a particularly nasty spiral downward, which ended with me in cardiac arrest at 98 lbs. In "recovery" I developed bulimia and a number of other addiction issues which skyrocketed my weight (very quickly.. I gained 90 lbs in a year). I have been on antidepressants, benzodiazepines, and have even taken Adderall specifically for it's appetite suppressant side effects. I was a mess.
Over the past 5 months, I have lost weight by doing things completely backwards. I would waterfast for 2 weeks and exercise for 2 hours a day, then binge for 5 days straight. I would eat nothing but lettuce and mustard for 10 days then binge for a month. I have tried meal plans, cutting carbs, the zone, moderate carbs, high protein, starvation diets, protein sparing modified fasts, raw foodism, "fruit feasts", you name it.
I have no sense of moderation at all what so ever. Currently I'm doing the Velocity diet (protein shakes... I realize that I'm an idiot after reading this in black and white) and haven't binged in 16 days. I'm proud for not binging, but in the meantime I have developed a fear of food. I am afraid that I'm going to lose control when this diet is over.
I want to be a normal 19 year old and not worry about shit like this. Therapy isn't an option as my parents aren't in my life anymore. I don't mean for this to be a pity party; I have never formally asked for help (on my own accord, not court ordered therapy) concerning my fucked up eating habits.
So. If I was your daughter/niece/cousin/some random girl asking for help on an Internet forum, what advice would you give me?
You can afford this therapy.
Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.
Thank you. I truly appreciate it. I will definitely research this further.
focus on nourishing your body. Primal's not about dropping numerically on the scale. Its about feeding your systems the nutrients they need to thrive, managing stress, sleeping well, playing, & enjoying life with a view toward living an optimally satisfying & healthy existence.
Nourish yourself. Your brain will thank you with clear, calm thinking and reduced mood swings and emotionality. Your skin will thank you by glowing and clearing up. Your digestive system will thank you by functioning regularly, without pain or gas. your muscles will thank you by being strong and ready for active play and fun. Your reproductive system will thank you with more regular, less painful periods and increased fertility.
People eating primally have experienced other signs of the body's gratitude, including lowered blood pressure, resolution of type 2 diabetes, allergies, dandruff, psoriasis, and other seemingly unrelated conditions.
I think the focus on weight is misguided, after a long period of deprivation. Replenish your vitamin & mineral reserves by eating plenty of nutrient dense unprocessed food.
Along with PB, I think the Weston Price foundation and Sally Fallon's book Nourishing Traditions are a great start to getting out of the toxic SAD mentality toward food...and getting away from the SAD food that creates toxic insufficiencies in the body & brain. Good luck!!
For what it's worth - look into a support group and start a primal lifestyle ASAP. Take things slowly and build up your courage for food again - it really is wonderful stuff, assuming you're eating the right stuff.
Please keep up posted.
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There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton
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The nice thing about eating primally is that some of us have found that eliminating grains and sugars help stop our cravings. I know myself and a few others had issues with bingeing on carbs. For me, eating the proteins and fats have stopped those cravings cold.I have no sense of moderation at all what so ever. Currently I'm doing the Velocity diet (protein shakes... I realize that I'm an idiot after reading this in black and white) and haven't binged in 16 days. I'm proud for not binging, but in the meantime I have developed a fear of food. I am afraid that I'm going to lose control when this diet is over.
The other thing, I get hung up on the scale and all the cheerleading doesn't help when the scale goes up or doesn't go down. The nice thing about primal is that I am satisfied physically and mentally with what I eat, and I am also having other benefits outside of weighloss. Also, all of the food you are eating is the best fuel for your body so you are healing it.
One last benefit I have seen is some anxiety issues go away. I feel in a better place mentally then I did before.
I hope yo can find some peace, and can give primal a try and find food to be a nourishing, pleasant part of life.
I hope you can find some solace in some of what the Grokettes and Groks are sugggesting. What type of quality of life would you like to have? I know that following all the rules and stick to the 80/20, it might turn your life around. It might take a while to really start following the rules, good sleep, play, etc., comes with a little practice and opportunity.
For me, I have two little kids at home and the whole sleep thing is a little hard, but it's a journey. Besides my wife, I don't know anyone else personally who's primal, so I wish I had that kind of support group. That would probably work for you, have a tribe of like minded people around you from time to time can't hurt. I hope you can start to have a better outlook, keep us informed and welcome to the community!
Last edited by ChefGrok; 01-30-2012 at 02:29 PM. Reason: spelling
Your most pressing issue is finding treatment for your eating disorder. You have a life-threatening condition that MUST be treated. If you had cancer, you would find a way to get help, right? Your disease is just as real and just as serious as many of the cancers out there.
If you can manage to eat lots of fat, protein, and veggies without becoming obsessive that is great. Including bone marrow, liver, and bone stocks may help heal your body.
There is a long-time poster here named Malpaz who has done amazingly well on her recovery from eating disorders. You may want to read some of her stuff or PM her for some help. You may also find the writings of Emily Dean helpful: Evolutionary Psychiatry: Search results for anorexia
If you were my daughter, I would get down on my hands and knees and beg you to get help.
Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )
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"We have all the food groups- meat and chocolate".
Thank you, everyone, for all of your help. It sounds cheesy but I am so grateful that I found this website and support.
fitmom- Thank you! I will definitely look into "Nourishing Traditions." And you're correct, I place too much emphasis on the scale.
griffin- Thank you for responding and for the support
magnolia- Thank you for telling me about increasing fat and protein. I'm happy that it worked for you, hopefully it does for me too. I'm also relieved to hear about your anxiety issues being resolved.
chefgrok- Thank you for putting everything into perspective. I really want a better quality of life for myself; I'm on my own so I don't have anyone harping on me to change. And you are right, this forum is a great place.
jammies- Thank you for your post. I do need help, but I think I'm finally in a mental place to want to get better. Recovery doesn't work unless you want it and I finally do. Thank you
gojirama- Thank you for your support. I love your blog!
One last time, thank you everyone. I just found a local support group and am going tomorrow night. I'm excited and terrified but am willing to try. I'm relieved to have support. I'm off to ChocoTaco's thread for food ideas