Yeah, things are sucking externally right now. I can't bring myself to change the weight in my sig to 160 or whatever it is (I refuse to check). I have never ever in my life gained weight like this. Never. Doc isn't ready to give me hormonal treatment yet (and heck, DHEA is what got me 20lb of this, anyway!). But as always, giving up isn't an option. It's my job to work as if everything depends on me and pray as if everything depends on God ... b/c it does.
The good news is, I don't even care about the bloating right now! It's horrid, but I don't thin kabout it, b/c my thighs hurt too much from rubbing together! LOL
B: braunschweiger, sausage
L: ditto. Apple. Dried pineapple galore. Olive tapenade spread from TJ's that is so addictive
D: ditto. tiny apple. 5-6 dried apricot halves. Done. I really don't feel like eating.
Powerless over food. I have no trouble admitting this whatever. I did it for the first time a decade ago, and the truth of it has only become more hammered in over time. Will power plays no role in my ability to resist a craving. It can only play a role in helping me do the things that will keep cravings from happening: pprayer, nutrition, amino acids, avoiding the near occasion of "sin", support from others, including OA. I'm no longer under any delusions that "strength of character" has anything to do with any addictions.
Heck, I even listened to the man who kidnapped those girls for 10 years and heard in him the voice of addiction. He talked of how he desperately wanted to stop obsessing over sex, but he couldn't, and how it was now out of his control and he was doing awful things that he couldn't stop. Another decent person destroyed by an addiction (caused by whatever physical or emotional or spiritual dysfunction clogged his life prior to the awful point at which he found himself in 2004 writing that letter), and more innocent lives destroyed by someone else's addiction.
"Compulsive eating is an illness that cannot be controlled by willpower." Couldn't agree more. "None of us decided to have this disorder, any more than we would have decided to have any other disease." I only wish that people would learn this is true of EVERY addiction, every obesity, every mental illness. No one asks for this crap. It's not a lack of willpower or a flaw of character in the overwhelming majority of cases (I can't say all only because I don't know everyone.). "We cease blaming ourselves or others for our compulsive eating." Nope, no one to blame here. Except 6 generations of processed crap going into my family's mouths, but they didn't know what would come of it. They can't be blamed for having absolutely no idea what it would do to their posterity. Had they known, they certainly wouldn't have done it. They're no more to blame than I am to blame for my own children's crowded teeth, recessed chins, etc.
5'4" 39yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
*Current Weight: 175lb___________________________________*Goal: 135lb
*Deadlift: 225x4_________________________________________*Bac k Squat: 155x2
*Bench: 125x2__________________________________________*Pr ess: 80x1
***Winning a 20-year war against binge eating disorder***