Thanks, Joanie. The only thing I know is that, with the grace of God, I will never, ever, ever give up.
I've been bingeing hard for the last month, probably gained at least 10lb more, but I refuse to weigh.. I have only a handful of clothes I can still wear and am very physically uncomfortable.
I ran out of amino acids while hitting the national pparks in WY, SD, & MT, despite my best efforts to best sure I had enough, and I couldn't find them anywhere. After a week off them, I was about to gnaw my arm off for want of sugar. I am grateful that I never succumbed to wheat, but I can still feel my teeth getting sore again, which means that something (grains? dairy? sugar?) has re-started the malabsorption. Once again, vit A/D/K2 aren't getting to my teeth. My diet is still almost 100% primal.
After three weeks back on the AA's, I can tell a slight difference, but not much. Very discouraging that suddenly they don't work anymore.
Sooooooo I joined OA. And got a sponsor and all that. Not that the 12 steps are any different from what I've been doing for the last 5 years, but I can already see that the mere act of getting out and going to that meeting at least twice a week is helping me reconcile the incoherence of despising bingeing, yet doing it daily anyway. So off I go.
I've come to the realization that ... God forbid ...I may be so damaged that I may never again have a prolonged period where cravings are naturally gone because I am at a full nutrient status. And if that's the case, I need to make sure I have a plan in place. I need to keep fighting with all I"ve got to re-establish the neurotransmitters I need, but also make sure there is a backup plan.