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Thread: Choices...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011


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    I created a post a few days ago saying that if I wanted to continue my primal journey I was going to have to give up the eating out/restaurant food. Because i just cant control what oil my food s being cooked in, and as a result i am experiencing lowered energy, tiredness, fuzzy, blurry eyes and negative emotions as a result of a meal. I dont want to feel that, so For me it's about making healthy choices, and pursuing what I've set out to do - get healthy, be happy, and hopefully live a long pain-free life.

    Some around here call it orthorexia.

    And while I agree that there is a inch of obsession and militancy (no more, nor less than when i was vegetarian /vegan) about what I'm now doing, I don't think I could be 'primal' if I didn't read labels, reject bad stuff, make choices, etc. it's just not as simple as sitting down and stuffing my face with a donut, and frappuchino, when I'm hungry... Yet back in the day that's exactly what I did. Mindlessly.

    Now my boyfriend is adding massive stress in my life. Saying that he's sick of hearing about it all. (I sometimes read out what i think are interesting articles, or play paleo podcasts...) but he doesn't care. He doesn't get it. He doesn't WANT to get it. He's 'happy' with the status quo... As long as it doesn't disturb him... And I try not to push it on him at all. But my rendering fat, and buying offal, and making 'strange' breakfast choices does bother him. He makes that perfectly clear. He's angry, snappy, moody, just because I'm doing something that he doesn't agree with, or choose to follow.

    And so another choice looms...

    Do I continue with him, despite the battle field, because on everything else we get on so well. Or do I move on? If I stay, and continue to feel stressed and harassed, I can hardly say I'm following the blueprint, can I? and if I leave what do I say...because he didn't like me refusing to eat pizza!

    I'm not expecting anyone to tell me what to do here. I'm merely venting 'another unsupportive spouse' type thread. But it's becoming more and more clear to me that being primal is a complete way of life. And its one that I want to fully emerge myself in. I want to walk barefoot in the woods, be stress free, feel the wind blowing in my hair. Live in a log cabin. Grown my own food. Maybe have cave babies. I want to be that 'primal' person inside me. I don't want to be rushing about, here and there, in traffic, on public transport. Late. Stressed. In debt. In front of the tv. Drunk. Hungover. Ill. Eating pizza.

    There are some choices I have to make, about how far down the rabbit hole I'm willing to go with this, and who, if anyone, is going to come along with me for the ride... But I want to be in control of my own destiny, instead of living someone else's.
    Last edited by thaijinx; 01-21-2012 at 02:58 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Stress is not worth it.
    If you can change what is causing the stress then do it.
    If he is not willing to be supportive of you making a better choice for your life, then is it worth staying?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    B.A.M.F Athletics | Blog | Everything In Moderation - The Long Road to Nowhere (Part I)

    Read this!

    It made me laugh, and also put into words how I've been feeling about those who think primal/paleo is just so extreme or whatever.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Houston, TX
    Funny, because I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. We both want to lose about 10-15 lbs, but we are going about it so differently it's amazing. We've been together for 2 1/2 years, and we get along extremely well, except in this one area. His way: 30 mins fast-walking (aerobic pace) daily. His breakfast daily is Atkins bars; his lunch is Lean Cuisine, and his dinner is store-bought sandwich. Snack is pretzels. Drinks about 8-10 Diet Cokes a day. Couldn't be more diametrically opposed to mine.

    I, too, find all the Paleo resources so interesting and have tried to share with him, but he teases me or simply shuts me down. He told me if he ever heard the word "Leptin" again he'd get up and leave the room.

    So, what to do....

    In my case, I just keep most of this to myself now. I figure it's like this: My boyfriend is really, really, REALLY into fishing. (Did I say really???). But he never goes on and on and on about it. He could probably tell me every single fishing thing in the world; he could probably spend days detailing every difference with every lure, every type of fish, every type of boat. But he doesn't. His hobby is his; I go with him 'cause it's fun to go on a boat, and sure, when I catch something, it is fun. But he can spend hours sorting his lures. I don't need to hear all those details, just as he doesn't need to hear all the details of my diet.

    I've tried introducing him to Coconut Oil & Dr. Kruse. Nada. Oh well.

    Dr. Kruse said that when he began his LR journey, he didn't share it with anyone. It was his experiment on himself, and he figured if he got results, they'd speak for themselves, and then he could share his n=1 experiment with the world. Which he has. So I figured, you know what, once I start seeing real results, people will want to know. And then I'll tell.

    Already, my skin, hair, and nails look better. And my clothes fit much better. And my sleep is so much improved I can't believe it. Went to a party the other night and people kept telling me how great I looked. I'll be 50 next month, and ran into an old friend I hadn't seen since the 1980's. He kept saying, repeatedly, that I looked like I just walked out of 1989. Kept remarking that I looked exactly the same (I don't, but it was awful nice of him). All the while, I had zero desire for the huge table of party food, which included those mini-cupcakes. I had eaten some chicken & broccoli earlier, and I was truly full. In my previous life, I'd have gorged, and gone back for many mini-cupcakes, as "it's a party!" My point is, this WOL is such a remarkable improvement over my previous WOL.

    So, what to do about your BF? If you love him, and you get along great, but you know he doesn't love your sharing of the Paleo lifestyle, stick with him and just keep some of the stuff to yourself. For now. He may very well find, in the coming months, that some of the things you're doing are actually really good for his health, and he may pick up a spoonful of CO here or some "weird breakfast" (that smells really good!) there.
    Truly Paleo since 1/1/2012 (Doing Leptin reset)
    Turned 50 on 3/8/2012 !!!
    5'2" Female
    11/27/2011: 162.8 lbs.
    7/15/12 : 148.6 lbs.
    Clean Paleo diet: Lots of CO, Meat, Seafood, and doing CT 5x/week, 40 mins @ 50-52 degrees F

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Santa Barbara
    Mine came around after a while. His diet did not change but he stopped making comments about mine. Except when the coconut oil comes out. He really can't stand the smell. Anyway, I use this site to express my interest in the minutia, not him. What's that old saying? You don't go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.
    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2009
    San Diego, CA
    Maybe if you tried keeping quiet about your lifestyle around him, he would be less antagonistic when he sees you making your weird food. In other words, render your fat but don't utter a word about any interesting health article to him.

    This is a phase that a lot of people go through (and some never leave). It's just like when someone "gets saved" and converts to Christianity. They go through an insufferable preaching phase. Be as primal as you want but shut up about it.

    edit: Also, he is only a boyfriend. Boyfriends don't mean a thing. You don't have kids or a mortgage with him. You can leave him right now.
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Suburbs of Toronto
    My soon-to-be wife isn't 100% Primal. She likes toast with breakfast. She doesn't have the same level of interest as I do either, in articles or what not. But she doesn't lose it at me, or get mad if I don't want pizza!

    Sometimes the best example, is a Silent Example. In fact, it's always the best example.

    Granted, someone who loves you should support you 120%. That includes lifestyle choices, and Primal IS a lifestyle.

    I think you two need to have a frank conversation about WHY he gets so upset. Use "I" messages: "I feel this way when you..." etc.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    My wife is 100% on board with me. We started together. We make most of our decisions together. We've been on this life changing journey together. There is no way we could have done it with out each other. Hell, we're about to leave right now for a two day olympic lifting clinic. Two years ago we would have dragged our fat sorry hung over asses to the diner to gorge on pancakes and waffles.

    The change feels amazing every day and I would be devistated if I couldnt share that with the love of my life.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Near Boston MA
    My husband doesn't embrace the lifestyle like me. I do talk about it on occasion, and send him some success stories that he may be interested in. I cook him primal dinners.. At first I didnt push it on him at all besides, well this is what I'm going to cook for dinner...and he was fine with that. He just watched me do it hardcore for awhile, not strong for or against it. I went from someone who couldnt NOT eat a cookie to someone who could care less about it. My enthusiasm inspired him a little bit. Plus I will not bring non-primal items into the house. I just talked about it a little here and there, this does that... little quotes etc. I made him paleo lunches that he enjoyed and an omelete with bacon for breakfast that we only have on the weekends. They took away the fridge at his work so he didn't want to bring lunch anymore (half an excuse) so now he eats out for lunch. But he asked me what was best for him to eat, and I told him.... he's not 100% by any means but he's probably 70-80%. He also has no problem raising our future kids paleo, and agrees he will keep his little cheats out of their little ears.

    So I'd say he was in between thaijinx and deepglades. He does enjoy the outdoors..hiking and stuff, but thats something we enjoyed before going primal. He does watch too much TV and that is a battle.
    Primal since March 2011

    Female/29 years old/5' 1"/130ish lbs

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buoy1 View Post
    B.A.M.F Athletics | Blog | Everything In Moderation - The Long Road to Nowhere (Part I)

    Read this!

    It made me laugh, and also put into words how I've been feeling about those who think primal/paleo is just so extreme or whatever.
    That was beautiful. I had to share it on my blog :D

    thaijinx, if he's being mean about it then you have a problem on your hands. It's cool if he's not interested, but he should not be snappy about it. If things keep going the way they're going, then you need to ditch this guy. He does not sound like he's worth the trouble, but that's just my two cents.

    My boyfriend is vegan, but he is supporting me on my paleo journey. He's very patient even though I talk about it constantly. He always makes suggestions for me that are paleo-approved. He even talks about cooking me meat. He wouldn't eat it himself, but he wants to make food for me. He's so sweet. Despite going on about paleo all the time, I don't try to convert him. I really want him to do what he feels is best for him. He will find his own way and I will always be there for him no matter what he chooses to do. He likes being vegan and I'm fine with that. He just wants me to do what makes me feel best, and I want him to do what makes him feel best. I always talk about paleo and how it is healing me and that makes him feel good about it. All he cares about is that I'm healthy and happy, and that makes him happy. You deserve to have someone who will treat you the same way.

    First things first, you need to sit down with him and have a deep conversation about it. Ask him why it upsets him so much. If you want to maintain your relationship with him, you might have to keep certain things to yourself. I think you would be better off finding someone more supportive, though.

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