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Thread: Redflame's Journal--from a flicker to Hot! page

  1. #1
    Redflame's Avatar
    Redflame is offline Senior Member
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    Redflame's Journal--from a flicker to Hot!

    Primal Fuel
    From a Flicker to Hot.......typing that out even seems weird, not too sure I have convinced my brain of that yet.! Anyway, I am a 46 year old, mother of two, full time professional job--50 hours a week plus being on call 24/7.
    I'm not new to Primal, I started researching it in 2010, was on it for 4 months and did well, felt strong regardless of my weight. But as usual I let life get in the way, and went back to my old ways.
    I cook healthy meals for my family, we dont eat junk, and we really don't consume alot of sugar or wheat. But we do enjoy eating together, dining out, etc.
    I have had a weight issue since I was 9 years old.....that's one heck of a long time! I lost alot of weight when I was a senior in HS, but that was because I drank most of my meals, and I am not refering to Slim Fast. I was at 170, which really worked pretty well for me at the time.....28 years ago. I was 215 when I got pregnant with my son 20 years ago, and I was 240 when I got pregnant with my daughter 16 years ago. I have been as high as 330 (for a short time) and the first of this year I was at 309.....OK THAT paragraph was EXTREMELY hard to type out. I don't like judgement ..and I know what alot of people that have not dealth with weight issues think. So hangin' it all out there really hurts me....guess I need to build a bridge and get over it huh?

    It's taking everything I can do to not delete this entire post right now. This is hard.

    I know these things about my body, through experience, and through some medical testing: I cannot lose weight at all on low calories. You can say all you want about being fat means you over eat...well that is not always the case. I have a metobolic issue that requires my body to be fueled to burn fat. And I know that--and yet still I dont eat breakfast and most often dont eat lunch. It is really a struggle for me to eat anything before 10am, but if I remember to pack some food I will eat around 10am, and then again at 1 or so if I am still hungry. I know life would be so much easier if I could get into the habit of eating a nice big breakfast before I leave for the office, but I am not there yet--not sure that I ever will be. But I also know once I get my system to start burning fuel at a more regular pace the fat comes off and I feel so much better

    So I am broken, in so many ways......and I want it to stop. I need it to stop. It really is a matter of life or death.

    So here I am....feeling very naked right now, not comfortable, but pushing through it
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  2. #2
    alg2435's Avatar
    alg2435 is offline Senior Member
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    Tell yourself what it will be like on the other side, once you push through! It's worth it! We're all rooting for ya.
    Making adventure out of this thing called life

  3. #3
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
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    I'm glad you posted instead of deleted!

    Many, many, MANY of the people on these forums are dealing with weight issues just like you, and you are not going to be judged unless some random troll wanders through your journal. (In which case, press The Death Triangle on their post - the symbol on the bottom left - and report it.)

    I have also been fat without overeating, and it was a complete and total mystery to me how my body managed to pull that off. Sometimes it is hard for me as well to post in my own journal about the frustrations of being heavy.

    Good luck and hope to see you around here!

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    Redflame's Avatar
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    Oh and Panda---- I spewed coffee all over my screen at work while reading one of your journal posts last week....thanks for the GREAT writing! You share whats on your mind, but you don't ramble on like some of us LOL
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  5. #5
    GirlintheGarden's Avatar
    GirlintheGarden is offline Junior Member
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    Great first post!

    I overcame my breakfast hurdle (so far, this week only as I start this thing out) by waking up earlier. I am slowly pushing the alarm clock up earlier and earlier and I am making sure to prepare the most appetizing (but still kind of quick to make) meal for my breakfast.

    Best wishes to you! It looks like there is some incredible support here for all of us.

  6. #6
    Redflame's Avatar
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    Journaling, Day 2....Isn't there an outline of what I should be writing about every day. lol Always looking for something to mask what is really going on.

    So 10 days in now. Over that time span I had one trip out to Chinese Buffet, eating only stir fried veggies, chicken, pork and beef. But I know there were plenty of sugars and tons of sodium in that. And I have had 6 jo jos during a trip to another restaurant, then a couple days ago I had 2 bites of a cinnamon roll and a few sips of a milk shake......not a ton of cheats, but far more than I wanted. Still shouldnt I see some activity on the scale. I did earlier this week, but it is back. THis really pisses me off. I will probably end the 2 week span with 2-3 pounds loss, and that is not OK for me. I should see at least 7 pounds the first 2 weeks.....you see I have plans, goals, etc. I have places to be, people to see, and it all hinges on losing 100 pounds in the next 6 months........YEAH I said it...cuz that's the way my brain thinks at times. That's the conversation inside my head so often, the conversation that often just makes me give up. The brain is a cruel cruel monster!

    The house boy's (husband) solution to losing weight is to buy something..yeah that always works. So this time he ordered a Total Gym. You know the stupid Chuck Norris thing. Of course it is back ordered......so he is not worried about his food until then. But he has carb fear. He thinks he should just eat meat for 2 weeks to get this started, AND he is not going to worry about it until the Total Gym gets here. That's his thinking....again the brain is a cruel monster. I could have taken the money he spent on that and just about gotten another puppy (English Bulldog).......walk to puppies you get a work out! LOL then clean up the poo of two full grown bulldogs and you get the heavy lifting!

    SO last nights dinner was Greek stuffed meatloaf (spinach, feta, and roasted red peppers inside) It was good but kinda dry, needed a sauce of some sort. Tonight is Swai Fish, I should stop and pick up a jar of capers, I think butter, garlic, lemon juice and capers would make a great sauce over fish.

    Struggling along---I want macaroni and cheese, and then a nap.....need to remember to get more D3, feeling the winter blues. Sunny out, but 13 degrees, luckily it is warming up in the next couple days and we will get snow...if we dont get more snow out summer is going to be BAD agricultural wise.
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  7. #7
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
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    ::: shaking paw sternly at your brain to be nice to you :::

    I've noticed that no matter how well I eat at a Chinese Buffet, my body throws a tantrum for the next three days. (Actually, this is true of almost every restaurant I patronize.)

  8. #8
    Redflame's Avatar
    Redflame is offline Senior Member
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    Yeah, whats up with that. I want to win the lottery (I dont buy tickets) and open up a multiple location Primal Restaurant. I used to own my own catering business, I can write recipes, and I can design, and boss people around........so I think I have this figured out. All I need to do is to round up a few guest chefs!

    YUP thats what Im gunna do
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  9. #9
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    Ooh, I want reservations to this restaurant!

    And (forgive me if this is too much information) I read tons of journals and noticed many women saying that they had regular water spikes both before their time of the month AND ovulation. So this will mask fat loss that is still going on.

  10. #10
    primal4fifty's Avatar
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    I have those same don't-buy-tix-but-fantasize-about-winning lotto dreams... guess it will be made all the more miraculous by the fact that our winning tix will be found in the gutter or bought for us by a nameless hobo! hahaha

    You are off to a great start with your journal. I am new to it too. I really admire all the painful stuff you got out on your first few pages. This is a very nice community overall I think. Warm wishes to you. xoL

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