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Thread: Redflame's Journal--from a flicker to Hot! page 2

  1. #11
    fpsjosh01's Avatar
    fpsjosh01 is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Hey redflame, not a single person on this board will judge you.

    Period.
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  2. #12
    Redflame's Avatar
    Redflame is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fpsjosh01 View Post
    Hey redflame, not a single person on this board will judge you.

    Period.
    Good to hear, and will even be better once I convince my stubborn, and defensive mind of that!
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  3. #13
    fpsjosh01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redflame View Post
    Good to hear, and will even be better once I convince my stubborn, and defensive mind of that!
    I found that it took me a while to let my emotions go. I was so nervous switching from CW to primal, even though I read the science and knew it was ok. After living your whole life and having your parents think you're crazy is enough to make someone break down and shatter.

    I was there, and the only good medicine was a powerful emotional release and the realization that I had to do it for myself. Not anyone else.

    You have a permanent subscriber and I hope you don't mind me popping in from time to time to check on you ^_^.
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  4. #14
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    So the weekend, it has left. What did it leave behind? Well not the snow that it promised, not the huge list of things I could cross off my to-do list....Instead it left behind carb flu! Needless to say I ate a bunch of junk (well not like packaged junk food) Grilled cheese sammiches, lemon bars, potatoes.......what was I thinking? But that is over now, and today is another day.

    And today I get a email from houseboy (husb) with this link to Lose 20 Pounds and 'wanna give this a try for a week when the Total Gym gets here?

    SERIOUSLY? He hates low fat diets, he hates low calories diets, it was HIM that made me search out Primal, it was HIM that no matter what we were doing would boast that he can drop weight with a snap of the fingers on programs like Atkins........SO when I am on board and we are on Primal he wants to go to Low calorie, Low fat high carb???? Seriously? It's like he cannot be happy if we are on the same page, there has to be some kind of strife. Is he afraid of me losing weight and not him? Does me losing weight frighten him? Possibly, but I don't think that is the issue right now, although I dont know what is.

    He also suggested Weight Watchers.........if he emails me one more high carb/processed food diet I am going to scream. Pretty damn smart not to bring this up while we were at home/in person this weekend! Not a foolish man.

    So my carb flu, being a Monday, AND a holiday and I am at work..........Yeah I am a little testy today! makes me want a pumkin pie, yeah I said it.....a Costco Pumpkin pie, they are bigger. Good thing I cannot find my Costco card.

    So my plan for today, make it through work, get a jump start on payroll. Eat a salad with protien during the day (DONE) Get my last weeks study done to start the new week (Reading and doing a study on every book of the Bible, pretty much one book a week--lots of reading) Finish a quilt tonight (2 hours left or so) Eat protien and veggie tonight, staying away from anything remotely starchey (no squash, carrots, etc)

    And just ONE day at a time! Ready set GO
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  5. #15
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    You've got the right attitude. Just get through today!

    Weight Watchers made me miserable.

  6. #16
    Redflame's Avatar
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    Well after several emails back and forth (more conversation than we had all day yesterday in person) the house boy said that he was thinking more limited calories instead of a low fat high carb diet. WHAT EVER seems like it would have been easier to say HEY, why dont we try really tracking the calories and keeping it down for a bit and see how it goes.

    Had two salads at work today 10:30 and 2:30. So I definatly got my leafy greens in, and some lean protien, fat from the blue cheese.......Satisfaction seems to come in the volume of food right now, the big salad is great, a plate with the same amount of cals and fat, but less volume would not satisfy me...it's entirely in my head. My brain is SURE I am going to starve to death.....it's broken!

    Frustration is the definition of the day. House boy just called on his way home, he has a cold and wants tomato soup and grilled cheese sammich, REALLY after talking all day about how the carbs made up feel horrible? What ever! He can have it, my daughter and I will have a nice portion of Swai fish, and try to come up with a lemon, butter, caper sauce.

    Oh, and I have to make cupcakes later this week for my God Daughter to sample for her wedding........Luckily she selected Banana Split Cupcake and Raspberry Lemon......neither are my favorite and I WILL overcome this
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  7. #17
    Redflame's Avatar
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    Watched some Biggest Loser last night..why do I do that? I dream of being in their shoes, and finishing 4 months later 100 pounds lighter. Then I just get all down about it. I want it NOW. Typical for everything. I want to plan and set up, and then I want finished work....I hate the in between.

    I doubt that I am strong enough, as soon as a little doubt creeps in it makes it easy to quit. I dont want to continue doing something I am going to fail at, so I move on to the next thing. I see that all through my life.

    College was easy for me, so I did not quit.

    Having my own catering business was rough, but it was perfect when the kids were small. I could have progressed and really grown....but that would have been difficult, so I kept it small, safe, manageable. And then I quit when I needed to have a FT job (instead of just increasing my client base)

    I wanted 4 kids, my second (a girl) was very strong willed, so I stopped.

    I used to smoke, when I found out I was pregnant the first time I quit...never picked it up again. It was easy to do something difficult for someone else.
    Same with kids, two premies, two surguries, two pregnancies on bed rest, but I did it for my kids, and for my husband, my family....that was easy and I never complained. It was for someone else.

    Being in relationships.......same story. Twice at the 7 year mark I decided it was too hard, it might end badly, so I would just quit. The first time it was not that bad, since we were not married, but I certainly through him for a loop, he had NO idea. I just left. Well I attempted to leave, he came home early, so I had to have the conversation. I was going to be SO nasty as to just leave a note, after 7 years together. How rotton is that!

    Then the next one, married him, had two kids. It got difficult, I did have the conversation with him to tell him I was not happy. He did not know how to fix it, and being a man --who wants to fix things---it made him angry that he had not idea what to do. I don't deal with angry--especially if it remotely threatens to get physical,. SO I was DONE. I gave him a whole 6 weeks to correct the issues of MY unhappiness. Too difficult, quit.

    The next time I made it past 7 years, currently on our 12th year. It gets difficult, I havent left. Have I resolved this detrimental pattern? Probably for this situation, but not for others.

    Weight loss gets hard, wait...what am I saying, it does not GET hard, it IS hard, constantly! In my experience it has never been easy. So, all these years later, I still have not decided to push through it, I still give up. What's it going to take? A medical emergency---could be too late then.

    Lots to think about here........I dont like to be a quitter
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

  8. #18
    fpsjosh01's Avatar
    fpsjosh01 is offline Senior Member
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    The only losers are the contestants. They don't win. They gain all the weight back and work their tails off for nothing.

    I watch them feel terrible that they didn't lose more than 5 lbs in one week and it's disgusting. Don't try to be like them.
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  9. #19
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    Dear RedFlame,

    Congratulations for coming back to primal and losing those first 15 lbs!

    I don't know your whole story, of course, but two 7-year relationships and a 12-year relationship doesn't make you sound like a quitter to me...and struggling to stay on primal and then coming back to it also doesn't sound like quitting. I don't think you should be so quick to beat yourself up. (Leave that kind of nonsense to the trainers on The Biggest Loser.)

    I believe that we never get it completely right with relationships - we just try to keep making better mistakes than we did before. Perhaps this is also true of diets? I know I've done the WW thing, the French Women thing, the vegetarian thing, the juice fasts, the marathon training...and I quit them all, thankfully.

    I really wish you the best in your primal journey and I look forward to reading more!

  10. #20
    Redflame's Avatar
    Redflame is offline Senior Member
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    Disclaimer:
    Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, no trying to be an Eyore. I just find that if I journal things I am more likely to address them. The good things dont need to be address, so that is not what I am going to journal about as much.
    Plus, it is very possible that my thoughts could stir up some personal thinking with other people.

    Life is Good, but I am human and we ALL have issues. Now just to make life More Gooder!
    Redflame
    Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
    Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
    Goal of Significant Weight Loss
    15 pounds down! with more to go!

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