Eventually I'll figure it out :) page

[lorichka6]

Decided to start a journal. I'm supposed to keep one for a Crossfit Challenge but I like to type more than write long hand - so here goes.

I have been doing paleo for almost a year. Feel better, good blood work. No weight loss. I struggle with compulsive overeating - which *is* better on paleo - but not gone.

I thought I'd try really low carb for a while to see if that works for some weight loss. I'm on day 12. Days 1-10 were pretty gosh darn good. Lost a few pounds (probably mostly water) but I was in ketosis (a first for me) so who knows - maybe some of it was fat But then days 11 and 12 were bad. Totally binged on nuts both days. And even some jiffy peanut butter ( ) that was in the house FOR THE DOG - I bought that kind on purpose thinking at least I'll never eat this... oh well. Pick up and move on. But don't forget - I can't believe how achy I am this morning. My hips ache and that weird pain in my foot is back... too many inflammatory stuff in the crappy bag-o-nuts I inhaled yesterday. Maybe If I actually read this log the next time a binge is coming on it will actually help.

So onto today since I can't fix yesterday

Today's intentions

AM - crossfit
BF - 3 fresh from the yard eggs with 1 tbsp Kerrygold butter
L - leftover ground turkey and cilantro and leftover chicken breast from making stock + 1 avocado
S - munched on some broccoli slaw while cooking dinner
D - grassfed burger with salad and some spaghetti squash with ghee and some toasted coconut flakes for dessert

- take fish oil (check)
- take magnesium (check)
- do 10 pullups on home pull up bar (check + 17 chin ups at x fit - about 5 total from a dead hang! yeah ).

Finished eating for the day - not super hungry - 2 4000 calories days in a row will do that to you I guess

Let's see if I can get another good 10 days in!

[ELCO14]

Hey lorichka6-

Have you ever had your thyroid checked out; free T4/T3 as well as TSH? Maybe that could be a reason for your lack of weight loss. Also, if you're craving nuts, you can try adding more good fats in your meals. Turkey and chicken are lean proteins, do you cook those in coconut or avocado oil? Adding more fatty protein sources may help with the mid-day nut cravings- worth a shot!

[lorichka6]

No I haven't... I don't have a good doctor and just get frustrated when I try to talk to her. I've been tracking calories for crossfit and am over 100g per day of fat so I'm fine there I honestly think part of it is just that I'm restricting calories and I'm hungry... 9 days in a row of hunger and I just wanted to eat! I was proud that even mid-binge I didn't resort to dairy (on the no-no list) or the usual dried fruit. Small victories. I need to look into finding a new doctor.

[lorichka6]

Yesterday started off great.

Crossfit - for the first time did a workout with pull ups without having to modify... shoulder hurts today but I was due a day off anyway.

Post WOD - 2 chicken/apple sausages
BF - 2 HB eggs with 1 tbsp Kerrygold butter
L - leftover steak with leftover spaghetti squash and an avocado
D - snacked on celery while cooking, bison burger and coleslaw with oil and vinegar and most of an avocado

still felt hungry after dinner - had a bite of leftover steak and got myself 1 serving of nuts... which once again turned into too many probably 3-4 ounces total.

Then we went to a friends house and I ate a few slices of cheese, pepperoni and strawberries... if this had been the first time I slipped up I would have thought it was a pretty minor slip - but after my 2 days of nut binges...

I just don't seem to understand why I can't say no to food. And it is probably time to throw away the nuts and stop buying them!

[ELCO14]

Agreed; if nuts are your weekness then stop filling the house with them.

Also- you don't need a Dr. for some of the tests, check here for home test kits.

Most importanly- this is a lifestyle so don't beat yourself up for minor set backs.

[lorichka6]

Thanks for the feedback Elco!

Today was good - we finally got some snow here in NY... Nice active recovery from xfit while I rest my slightly tweaked shoulder from those pull ups.

AM - took dog for a 2.5 mi walk while nursing a coffee that tasted especially good. I can't believe how much I've come to LOVE black coffee these last few months...

BF (at 11 or so) - 3 hardboiled eggs with 1 tbsp Kerrygold butter and some more coffee

Cross country skied for 45 minutes or so

Snack - few slices of roast beef and a little mustard
Snack 2 - 4 oz smoked salmon
Dinner - munched on celery while cooking, 6 oz flank steak, 2c frozen broccoli cooked in CO with salt and pepper
Des - 7 macadamia nuts (going to finish them and then not buy them anymore ) + 1 oz toasted coconut flakes

[lorichka6]

FINALLY got to go snowshoeing today! About 50 miles away got almost a foot of snow compared to our 1"... so the pup and I headed out there. Probably did 4ish miles or so - this was his first time with me snowshoeing. We got him this summer from a shelter and he is a "southern" dog from Kentucky. But he did great today. He is tough off-leash because other people and dogs are just so darned exciting. But I knew this trail isn't heavily used so I kept him with his leash attached to his harness but I wasn't holding the leash. He was so good! He would walk a little ahead of me and turn and look for me the whole way out - never getting more than 20 ft or so from me. On the way back he ran ahead more (I'm assuming because he "knew" the way based on scent). But he would still come each time I called him back. I meant to buy Crisco for his paws but forgot - but he seemed fine. Tomorrow my plan is to do some real mountain hiking with him - it will be warmer but also a longer day so I'll definitely lube up his paws before we go. He is still young and being trained - but today was like a snapshot of what (hopefully!) he'll be like in another year or so - the perfect hiking dog

Also did a short cross country ski and some pond hockey

Food today -

BF - 3 HB eggs with 1 tbsp Kerrygold butter and coffee

Snack - 3-4 oz deli roast beef

Dinner (~4PM) - big salad with homemade roasted turkey breast - A LOT - I was STARVING by this point.

We were not home for dinner so the lettuce and turkey was all I could eat... so of course I also ate some dry roasted almonds while I was there - 2 ounces.

When we got home I was hungry again around 7 - 2 ounces of hazelnuts and .5 ounce of macadamia.

Way too nut heavy for the day, but 2-3 more days and they'll be gone!

[lorichka6]

Tried a new crockpot recipe for bone in breasts that came out really good...

Made a little grid of carrots and celery and onion and put three bone in breasts on top. Smoked paprika + poultry seasoning sprinkled on top. Then we left to go hiking.

The meat was falling off the bone and the skin was crispy... win win.

Took the pup up a mountain in MA today - he did great! Hoping my thru-hike of NH dreams may be possible with him soon!

Food:
B - 3 HB eggs, tbsp butter, left over braised cabbage
Hiking - celery sticks, 3 wholly guac packs, 3 more HB eggs, 1 oz macadamia nuts
Dinner - one bone in breast on a bed of greens with homemade vinaigrette and a helping of the braised cabbage and a few radishes
Des - 2 oz hazelnuts

Shoulder still sore... saw PT this AM - no overhead work until this is pain free. Took my fish oil today - maybe it will help a little. Going to ice it tonight again.

Hoping to make it back to crossfit after 3 days off tomorrow...

[lorichka6]

I'm like one of those inflatable punching bags. Keep getting knocked down by binging, keep popping back to the same spot, to be knocked down again. Definition of insanity, check. So, I'm trying OA. Made it 13 days without a binge. Then July 4th happened. Eventually I will stop listening to the little voice that says "sure, you can have just ONE cookie... you will be fine...".

So, maybe OA will work. I am unsure of my stance on God. This makes it a little tougher. But for 13 days I made it to about 5 meetings and I didn't binge. I skipped a meeting on July 4th and I binged. I don't know what about the meetings helps - I don't feel any profound sense of relief from them or anything. In fact, sometimes it is hard to stay awake... but when I made it to planned meetings I didn't overeat. When I intentionally decided to skip one, I did. So back to meetings.

Trying the food plan idea too. My intuition is broken so I guess I just need to plan. I planned my food for today.

B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, pico de gallo, sour cream
L - 8 oz burger, grilled onion
D - left over roasted chicken mixed with avocado and a little pico and cucumbers + 1/2 c coconut milk and frozen blueberries

Took my fish oil, Vit D and Vit B.

Crossfit has a workout I like today. May try going RX. It would be a 10lb increase for an overhead movement from about 6 weeks ago.

[lorichka6]

Didn't make the workout Rx yesterday. The Rx weight, 65, was supposed to be "light" so I figured I should go lighter. Went 55 and did all the overhead movements unbroken until my 5th set. When I put the bar down on 13 out of 15.

Went to a family function last night so dinner didn't happen, ended up having the chicken and guac for a late lunch and munched on some fruit at the BBQ. Got home and had a big bowl of watermelon and 2 servings of macadamia nuts. Holy cow did I wake up dehydrated and thirsty today. I don't know if it was the late night salt bomb from the macs or what.

After a brief meltdown about the shittiness of having to deal with an eating disorder this morning I had a sort of epiphany. I have flat feet. I wear orthotics in my sneakers or else Danskos. The Danskos clogs look sort of silly with some of my outfits, but, I just wear them because or else my feet hurt. So, each day I deal with this "disorder" and act accordingly. I realized I have to treat my eating the same way. I don't turn into megabitch every so often because of the unfairness of my flat feet so why does my eating have the right to do that to me? My orthotics for my eating may have to be planning my meals and attending OA meetings. Each day I'll have to do that. It just is. I just have to accept that for now this is me and I just do what I have to do and stop whining about the unfairness of it all.

So. Planned my food:

B - usual, 3 eggs, 2 whites, sour cream and pico
L - 8 oz burger, onions, half head of iceberg with roasted beets and some blue cheese
D - beer (sometimes it happens... we are going to a concert and meeting friends early at a bar) - I'm bringing some macadamia nuts with me as a snack
If I'm hungry when I get home - frozen blueberries with coconut milk