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Thread: Eventually I'll figure it out :) page 4

  1. #31
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    Dinner last night was those delicious turkey meatballs again served with some Trader Joe's pasta sauce and probably half a large honeydew and a small bowl of cherries. No binging urge at all last night.

    Goals for today:
    Take:
    Fish oil (done)
    Vit D (done)
    Vit B (done)
    Magnesium at night -
    Read Rational Recovery literature - done (already!) and I may do more

    After reading last night about organ meat I decided to try to incorporate some into my diet. To this day I have never eaten any organ meat (that I know of). Never was given liver or anything as a kid so the only "ew" factor is in my head. Went to the farmer's market today to try to get some decent sourced meat. Got chicken hearts for $1 (just a few - maybe 5 or 6 to try) and a 1.5lb cow tongue which I am going to try to make for dinner on Monday. In my reading about organ meats it seems tongue is a favorite of offal eaters. I paid $3/lb for the tongue. The lady next to me on line paid $15/lb for flank steak. I figured, if nothing else, even if I don't love and crave organ meat - it sure is a hell of a lot cheaper to get grassfed/pastured beef in tongue form that flank steak form So hopefully I'll like it. I talked to my mom this morning who ate tongue growing up until she was about 13 when my grandmother asked her to help skin it after pressure cooking it. That was the last time she ate tongue. Prepping animals has never been a stomach churner for me but unusual mouthfeel is. So, I'm hoping that if my mom - who is the chicken breast queen and not a daring eater at all - liked tongue I will too. And, it turns out my father loves chicken liver (but hasn't cooked it in 20+ years) so maybe that is in my genes too.

    I tried the chicken hearts for breakfast/lunch after crossfit. They taste just like dark meat chicken but with a bit of a different texture - not as stringy, more chewy. But I may have over cooked them. I just fried up some onion and then tossed in the hearts (from which I removed visible pieces of aorta and then cut in half). I put in a little cumin and cilantro at the end since I was eating it with jicama. I am feeling a little "ew" - I didn't love the texture. The taste was fine so I think it is all mental. I'm not going to give up though. I also made 3 scrambled eggs but couldn't eat them. Which never happens.

    Coffee with some cream.
    Crossfit + protein drink

    B - 5-6 chicken hearts cooked in butter with onion, big chunk of sliced jicama, 1/2 pint cherry tomatoes, spoonful of sour cream, left over shredded sprouts salad, 1/2 grapefruit. This was a cleaning-the-fridge meal. Eggs are in the fridge

  2. #32
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    You did not overcook the hearts - they are normally chewy, and that is the best thing about them, imo xP

    I also like the tongue because it is chewier than normal meat. But I think it is the closest organ to actual meat in terms of taste and texture, though. I like it KBBQ style - thinly sliced, and briefly sauted on both sides. Hope you find the tongues better than the hearts xP

    Have you ever tried pate?

  3. #33
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    Nope, never had pate. I had "high cholesterol" as a kid so my mother was a bit of a cholesterol nut. I ate chicken breast and london broil growing up. Oh, and egg whites. Sigh.

    Is tongue fatty as in marbled or fatty like dark meat chicken or salmon? I tried oxtails recently and they were just so fatty that I was chewing on whole bite sizes pieces of fat and it was just too much for me. I'm excited to try the tongue to be honest. I'm going to try one of the recipes on that "nasty bits" link I posted in the offal thread.

    I'll get the hearts again - I think next time I might just slice them up more or something until I get more used to them. Or maybe I just need to wait for a day when it isn't 90 and humid and I'm more in the mood for a heavy meal!

  4. #34
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    The tongue is pretty fatty. It's not unbearably fatty like a piece of oxtail, where it's so much to the point of nausea, though. It's got enough chewiness to offset the reasonably high fat content. I like to think of it as the best marbled piece of meat because the fat really helps to make the flavor better, and it's well-hidden so you don't have to gnaw on a small piece of fat at any one time like regular meat.

  5. #35
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    I need well hidden fat. When I was a kid (maybe 8 or so) we were eating at a Chinese restaurant. My dad ordered duck and I still remember how brown and crispy the skin looked. In anticipation of some good turkey-like meat under that skin I asked for a piece. I got a mouthful of pure fat under the skin. I knew that if I spit it out my parents would be pissed so I tried to swallow it but it was too big. So I chewed on it for a bit. And then promptly gagged and ran to the restroom with my hand over my mouth. I made it just in time. Up came the wonton soup and the piece of duck I just ate. Now this is when I was 8. I didn't know a thing about nutrition. Totally just the wrong "feel" for my little 8 year old mouth and brain. But, to this day when confronted with large pieces of fat, this is the memory that is triggered and I still don't enjoy fat like that.

  6. #36
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    So I've been a good little addict and have been reading my Rational Recovery stuff. Having gone through a "rough" patch about 2 months ago where the binging and guilt and self hatred reached what was clearly the limit for the rational part of my brain I started going to OA meetings. They "worked" in the sense that if I went to meetings I didn't binge. For about 3 weeks I went. 3-4 times a week. I even got one of their books to read and work on at home. I was conflicted though - on the one hand, my mere presence at meetings seemed to "work". Going to meetings --> no binge, so I thought there was some legitimate causality there. It felt good to realize I wasn't the only one with these f'ed up crazy thoughts. And to know I wasn't the only one who did some stupid stuff in order to eat to an unhealthy degree. Misery loves company, right. But at the same time I didn't like that there were people in that room who were still there after 17 years. 5 days a week. "Working the program". I felt as though my idea of recovery was that I would just be "normal". But since OA told me it was a "disease", I figured that I had been wrong about my notion of recovery. I mean, if you have a disease like migraines, you don't just take 1 pill and think you will be cured forever - right? So, it made some sense to me that I was wrong and that to stay in recovery would mean I'd just go to OA meetings forever. To be free of the urges, thoughts, guilt, etc - this was trade I would make. But then... the people at the meetings weren't even abstaining to a large degree! They'd say things like "I've been here for 1 year... I'm working on step 4... I've been abstinent for 7 days"... Sigh. I had problems with the Higher Power thing too. I wasn't sure anyone was going to come in and remove my shortcomings for me. And sharing. I HATED that people couldn't respond to you. How weird. "I'm Bob. I'm a compulsive overeater. My dog died yesterday. I ate 14 packages of twinkies. I didn't know what else to do". "Thanks for sharing Bob". Move on to next story. In my head it makes so much more sense to respond to Bob and say something like "I'm so sorry about your dog, Bob. But lets talk about what you did. What were your options - call your sponsor, journal, go for a walk, look through pictures you had of your dog - why didn't you do those? Lets talk out a better plan for next time." Maybe its all in the interest of time, 60 minutes to get in and out. But I didn't like it. But I still went because at least it was something. And then I stopped going to meetings because I was dreading them. But I don't want to be like this forever. So I called up the psychologist I was seeing a few years ago and he recommended a book called Rational Recovery.

    It makes so much more sense to me. Granted, I was excited in the first week of OA too because it gave me hope, but this feels a little different. The control that OA takes away by making you say you are "powerless" and have a "disease" is NOT a part of RR. In fact, the whole program was designed as an anti-AA option for (what the author claims) are the 90% of alcoholics who do not abstain while in AA.

    Anyway, I so meant to write a short little thing here about something that was so accurate about the beginning of the book. The author talks about how when you say to yourself "I am NEVER going to drink again" (because the book is written for alcoholics, not compulsive eaters) it is unsettling. You feel anxious. You try to convince yourself you can be a social drinker, a moderate drinker, etc. That makes you feel better. Because, at the end of the day, not "all of you" wants to quit. And this is so true for me. I will tell you I don't ever want to binge again. But binging is pleasurable in the short term. And the food tastes good. And when I think about NEVER binging again, sadly, the feeling is not just relief. There is anxiety. Ack! Never - that is a long time... lots of frosting I could eat in all that time. But that is crazy. We have guns in the house. I don't shoot myself with them - why? Because that is bad for me. Totally rational thought process. Eating a tub of frosting is bad for me. It should be a crazy notion to "want" to do it. What this RR points out is what they call the "addictive voice". The voice that says the frosting is a good choice. That I could really just have 1 spoonful and put it away. So RR (from what I've picked up in 1 chapter...) is about ways to deal with that voice. I control dealing with that voice. Not some higher power. I really feel a sense of optimism here.

  7. #37
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    Goals for today:
    Take:
    Fish oil (done)
    Vit D (done)
    Vit B (skipped, forgot to take it)
    Magnesium at night - done
    Read Rational Recovery literature - done (already!) and I may do more + some reading at Barnes and Nobles
    Crossfit - protein drink.

    B - @1 PM - 3 eggs, 2 whites, small sweet potato, butter
    Snack - @4:30 - few slices of deli turkey and deli swiss cheese, picked at fruit salad while chatting, bunch of fresh picked blackberries
    D - @7:30 - leftover chicken drumsticks (2), mashed cauliflower (this will become a regular...), salad with some blue cheese, 1/2 honeydew + 1/2 TJ 85% bar

    The dog stayed at his home away from home last night - among the cows and the horses and 2 other dogs - and he stinks. But he is tired. I missed walking him this morning. I went for a walk by myself instead, wasn't quite the same. I get more joy than I thought I would from walking him.

  8. #38
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    Goals for today:
    Take:
    Fish oil (done)
    Vit D (done)
    Vit B (skipped, had tongue for dinner )
    Magnesium at night - done
    Read Rational Recovery literature - hopefully later

    Worked this morning - went in an hour earlier than normal and things were so calm. May try to do this more often.

    Then... made tongue. I know for 90% of the world this is nothing at all remarkable but for me it really feels good. I've never been a daring eater, for the first 33 years of my life I didn't care about nutrition - I was eating Caramello bars for lunch and dinner a month before starting Paleo, with some ice cream and lots of whipped cream. For me to have come far enough to be growing my own food, seeking out organ meats from pastured animals and just generally be a better steward of my little slice of the planet feels good.

    The tongue turned out really good. I used my slow cooker to tenderize it and then fried up a bit of it tonight with some onions, cumin and cilantro. Ate it with jicama, guacamole and salsa. And sweet potato fries (pantry cleaning - still!).

    Crossfit was my favorite WOD today which was a nice little treat. Did better than 2 months ago when I did it last.

    Food for the day:
    -Coffee
    - B - @1 PM, 3 eggs, 3 whites, small sweet potato, 1 tbsp butter

    Crossfit - protein drink.
    - D @7:30, tongue, onions, guac, salsa, jicama, sweet potatoes, 1/2 cantaloupe, TJ's 85% chocolate (most of 1 bar). Last night I actually only had 1 small piece and then... didn't want anymore. Weird. I am loving the TJ 85% chocolate. Due to the lack of TJ in the area I didn't even know they made them. I only bought the Lindt 85%. It was usual for me to eat the whole thing (100g) as dessert. The TJ 100 gram bars are sold as 2 50g bars. For chocoholics like me this is very convenient portion control. For some reason, breaking the Lindt bar in half never worked as well - but throw in some extra packaging and I am satisfied with 50 grams. Sigh.
    Last edited by lorichka6; 08-07-2012 at 06:33 AM.

  9. #39
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    Every once in a while I have this sort of "comatose" sleepiness in the morning - like I'm literally stuck in bed. It is different then the still-sleepy-don't-want-to-get-up kind of morning. I used to do triathlons and inevitably I would get myself dehydrated and underfed for the level of my exercise (like 70 mile bike rides in the summer on 2 water bottles and a snickers). I would come home and bonk. And it literally felt like there was a little force field around my bed which made it difficult to physically sit up. That is what I felt like this morning. When I finally got up (at 8, vs my usual 5) my eyelids were puffy and my rings were cutting into my little sausage fingers. Last night I ate more carbs at dinner than usual because of the sweet potatoes - which I also REALLY over salted by mistake. This has happened a few times before and I don't know if it is the excess carbs or salt that makes me feel so crappy in the morning. Once I get up, chug a Nalgene of water and have some coffee I feel fine, but I hate the feeling I have when I can't get up.

  10. #40
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    Yesterday's Goals:

    Take:
    Fish oil (done)
    Vit D (done)
    Vit B (done)
    Magnesium at night - done
    Read Rational Recovery literature - yep

    Accidentally fasted until dinner yesterday. Usually I've been eating for the first time around noon but got caught up in a medical forms for school debaucle yesterday and didn't get home until just before heading out to crossfit. Actually felt pretty good at Crossfit. Between the water, post-exercise lack of hunger and protein shake I wasn't even super hungry when we sat down for dinner. But I got hungrier as I ate

    D - 2 drumsticks, leftover mashed cauliflower, 3-4 carrots, salad with chunk of blue cheese, 1/2 cantaloupe, some fried onions. About an hour later I got hungry and had 7 rice cakes with 1 tbsp butter and a big handful of cherries. Another hour later I had 1/2 bag of TJ freeze dried bananas. Holy concentrated banana taste! Tasty though Expensive for just 2 servings so I'll try to keep them as "treat" status. Feeling good about having "caloric room" for chocolate and nuts but not having any "just because I could".

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