Life is about creating yourself. (Tricia) page

[Tricia]

I figured this thread could use a little introduction, so here goes: I'm 29, going on 30 (ack!), trying hard to finally get my bachelor's degree before that, and then hopefully my master's the year after. To support my studying habit, I work in retail, which is great because studying is a very sedentary business. My life up to now has been a pretty wild ride, filled with bad lifestyle choices. I'm one of those people who's prone to pretty much any addiction that's ever been invented, starting out as a small child substituting love with chocolate, which developed into borderline boulemia when I was 13. Having been around the bend a few times, I'm glad to say I am now at a place where food is now again my only vice, as I have just given up smoking about 5 months ago (after 16 years) and am managing my anxiety issues with only a very small dose of SSRI's, that I would like to wean off in the near future. I've been overweight and unfit my whole life, with my years of substance abuse as a sad exception when I was losing weight by slowly destroying myself... But having seen what I have managed to overcome so far, I really do believe I can change this too, the healthy way this time!

I had been thinking about starting another blog to hold myself accountable in 2012, but have always gotten cold feet due to the privacy issue. So what better place to show/hide myself than in this little niche of a community full of like-minded individuals? I may post a picture in the future (no real hurry in getting a 'before' picture, since nearly every picture taken of me ever can serve as a 'before' picture), but for now I'm still too scared... again, because of the privacy thing. Might be less scary if the forum required registration to view certain threads... Ah well, guess you'll all have to imagine my mug for now

I'll definitely be posting some lengthy ramblings here, but at the moment my body is punishing me for all the slacking off I have done with a bad case of sinusitis, which is great for motivation on the one hand (feel that anger! use it!), but not so helpful for actually doing stuff

I'll suffice for now with just formally stating my goals, and how I plan to go about achieving them.

Goals:
1. Obviously lean out. Definitely lose 20pounds, but more importantly build muscle, especially in my arms. Would love to be able to do pull-ups one day. Can't even manage 'girly' push-ups now.
2. Get off the nicotine patches. I quit smoking on last July 24th and have managed my weight since then, but the last time I tried to come off the nicotine patches (in November) I had an entire week of almost ED-style binge eating that got so scary it ended with me actually lighting a cigarette again. Luckily that did NOT taste good, but since then I've been using those patches as teeny tiny security blankets...
3. Get a kick ass immune system à la my boyfriend who never ever gets sick. (he works outside all year long)
4. Kick the SSRI's for good. I'm on a very small dose now, but same as with the nicotine patches; things go topsy turvy when I try to come off them.

How I will do this:
1. Absolutely no sugar whatsoever. No junk food. No grains. I added a column to my weight/fitness spreadsheet and will award myself a gold star for every day I manage this. Gotta give my inner child something when it's not getting any chocolate.
2. Take long walks every day. Not so much a problem when I actually have to go places, but when I'm inside cramming for finals like I will be for the coming month, this tends to get overlooked.
3. Lift heavy things (mainly myself). Will have to look around for tips on this. Like how many times should I repeat a movement to count as training? Can not afford gym membership but there's a pull-up bar in the park and also a jungle gym in the playground around the corner that we sometimes go and abuse when there are no kids around
4. Sleep. This can not be overrated. But anyone who's ever tried to combine a full time college education with a part time job knows how easy it is to slack off in that department. Also: turn off all screens an hour before bed.

Wow. That did turn out quite long-ish. Hope it wasn't boring! Time to turn to the books now, but I'm already excited knowing I have this little corner of the interwebs to track my progress to the new me!

[Tricia]

Got my first gold star yesterday, yay!
Had only two meals, since I just eat when I'm hungry and when I'm at home, that isn't all that often.

B/L: 2 eggs with half a green bell pepper and some bacon bits
Dinner: Moussaka (yes I know that has potatoes in it, but I had to cut a deal with the boyfriend stating that potatoes and white rice are ok, or he would go on another cooking strike like the last time I went primal, and that was part of the reason I fell off the wagon)

I stocked up on clementines because I'm a notorious after dinner snacker, but didn't 'need' them. I'm determined this time to be absolutely perfect!

Still feeling under the weather, but the storm we've been having seems to have subsided, so I'm about to pop out for a walk and gathering some fresh produce for dinner tonight.

[Tricia]

Just popping in quickly to write down what I ate before I forget, hehe

B: 3 tbsp of homemade muësli (just chop up a handful of every kind of nuts you find and add some dried apricots or coconut for flavour) and 4 heaping tbsp of full fat organic yoghurt
L: bowl of broccoli soup
afternoon snack: a handful of brazil nuts and two mini Babybel cheese
D: my soon to be ready beef stew with lots of colourful vegetables \o/

I still have the clementines for maybe later. I sure am feeling munchy today...

[Hedonist]

Welcome Tricia! Good luck. You deserve it.

For what it's worth, I eat potatoes every day. I have great respect for Mark, but other smart ancestral diet gurus say they are fine. I have several rants about potatoes in my blog (below). Not trying to sabotage your primal plan. Just saying that they work very well for me.

[Tricia]

Hey thanks Hedonist
I don't feel too strongly about potatoes either, just that they shouldn't take the place of more nutritious food (by, say, making up an entire meal!). I try to eat them in moderation. Same with rice: I cooked up a little bit of Basmati rice yesterday for the boyfriend to have with my stew but it smelled so good I had a big tablespoon of it myself. Didn't look like very much on my big plate of stew

I also found out that the tiny coconut cubes I bought yesterday that I was so excited about seem to be sweetened after all, even though it doesn't say so on the package. We both tasted one and thought they were suspiciously sweet. No fair! I still think I deserve a star for my day though, since I didn't mean to eat anything sweetened and I locked them away in a closet right after we reached our verdict. I like to think that's discipline

I really have to be super strict on the sugar, though. Sometimes I think my brain's reward system has been so messed up so early in life, I'll always struggle with instantly gratifying stimuli like that. And it runs in the family. If you've ever seen my aunts at a tea (and cake!) party, you'll definitely agree with me that the only reason none of them ever got addicted to drugs is that they never went out to try them! Jokes aside, the other thing that runs in my family is diabetes, surprise, surprise. And I'm determined not to fall victim to that. Epigenetics is the word, yo!

[winencandy]

Hi Tricia

I may post a picture in the future (no real hurry in getting a 'before' picture, since nearly every picture taken of me ever can serve as a 'before' picture), but for now I'm still too scared... again, because of the privacy thing. Might be less scary if the forum required registration to view certain threads... Ah well, guess you'll all have to imagine my mug for now

If you upload your photo using MDA (through your Profile), only people who are signed in can see it. If you link it from another site (Flickr, etc.) everyone can see it. The only downside to using MDA is that the photos have to wait for moderator approval and that could take a couple of days. A linked photo is immediate.

[Tricia]

Oh, thanks for the info!
I'll keep that in mind when I have something that starts to resemble an 'after' or even 'during' photo

[Tricia]

Alright, could it be that coconut really is that sweet by itself? I found a carton of coconut milk at the bottom of my fridge, and upon opening it, found out that it had turned all thick and creamy, kind of like yoghurt. (I'm not sure whether it's supposed to do that - I don't think I've ever bought coconut milk before) Curious to check if it was still good, I tried it and *omg* it tasted like dessert!
So instead of, I don't know, doing what a normal person might do, I figured two scoops of my ground nuts would make it taste even more like desert (it did) and ate like 3 big tablespoons worth while re-watching 'The Dark Knight' (I'd fallen asleep halfway through the last time) and musing about how much I would love to be more like Batman. I'm sure he doesn't have a dysfunctional relationship with everything made by Ben & Jerry's... I'm sure his idea of a 'workout' doesn't consist in trying to do push-ups on the staircase, failing, and then resorting to doing 2x10 push-ups on the bloody kitchen counter and calling it a day, then having trouble afterwards to blow dry his hair because his arms are tired. I mean wtf

Ok. Step back. Even Batman wasn't built in a day and just because you've now tasted the sweetness of coconut doesn't mean you have to go into the closet and revisit those coconut cubes, because they probably were sweetened and because dessert doesn't own you. You are going to get back to that kitchen counter tomorrow and make it 3x10. Then you're going to find some other workout type things to do on breaks. Then you're going to go out and buy more fruit because you're not Batman and maybe you do deserve a little something after dinner. /breakdown

Right. Back to the order of the day:

B/L/ general eating during the day: 2 bowls of broccoli soup at my desk while studying
D: zuccini 'pasta' with boursin cheese (man I love not being lactose intolerant!), more broccoli, bell peppers, onions, tomatoes and smoked salmon
dessert: weird coconut cream invention
midnight snack: leftover grated celery + potato salad + 2 slices of salami... sheesh.

I still get a star. Technically.

[Tricia]

Yesterday's food log:
B/L: finished off the leftovers of my zuccini 'pasta' from the day before
snacks while studying: handful of brazil nuts, half an apple with some goat cheese, 1 clementine
dinner: steak with salad, broccoli and mushrooms and scallops for starters (courtesy of the boyfriend)
dessert: blueberries with coconut cream

resisted temptation: my sister's homemade almond muffins (plain flour muffins with an almond on top) that she brought as she's staying here for a week or so. Luckily she understands, so it wasn't a very big deal. The boyfriend seems a lot more supportive than he was the last time around. Maybe he understands I'm serious this time

exercise: 30min evening walk, tried out some more strength movements to add to dailies, nothing too fancy.

cravings: horrible. I'm hoping this will get better once I'm a week or so in. I had a dream about buying all the different kinds of pies in a bakery and then not getting to eat any. During the day I'm fine, and my primal snacks are great, but at night - that's a whole different story and all I can think of is SUGAR. Not good

[Tricia]

Yesterday's food log:
B/L: 2 eggs over 2 slices of bacon. It's absolutely amazing how long this keeps me satisfied.
dinner: 2 oopsie-burgers with some nice organic burger meat and lots of colourful veggies. (I'm not considering oopsie-rolls to be primal, more like a cheat/treat that technically is allowed by the rules I set. Thankfully they are a hassle to make and also not addictive like some other treats, so I don't have them all too often)
late night snack: two clementines

exercise: went grocery shopping on foot as my bicycle is simply falling apart and needs to get in for repairs asap - so we used it as a mule

cravings: getting better

weight lost so far: exactly 1kg (= about two pounds) - man I forgot how EASY those first ones come off... Primal rules!