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Thread: Life is about creating yourself. (Tricia) page 10

  1. #91
    Tricia's Avatar
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    Wow coconut tortillas sound way better as a wrap than salad! Maybe I'll try to make some this Sunday...

    ☆☆

    (Food) Log:
    7am: mug of coffee
    9:30am: banana+handful of pecans/macadamia nuts in class
    10am: small vending machine coffee (I know, I know)
    1pm: had a big enough gap between class and work so I went home and had boyfriend make me an omelet with the organic merguez sausages I found and some tomatoes: awesome! Also: 1 clementine, 2 squares of 85% dark chocolate, another mug of coffee (1 regular pad, 1 decaf)
    3pm: work. had my break changed from 5:20pm (so not hungry yet!) to 7:20pm, which was a great time to eat the leftovers I packed (+ some grapes and a piece of melon), but they won't always be able to do this for me.
    9pm: threw a fit at work because some of my co-workers can be absolute morons sometimes and keep me from being able to do my work properly (and I'm the one having to explain this to the customers!). So much for no stress :/
    10pm: stupid bus driver had his top window open and I had been freakishly cold all day - sat there miserably wrapped in hoodie and coat.
    10.30pm: came home, complained to boyfriend about being sick again
    11:30pm: bed
    3am: woke up from stinging behind eyeballs to take antihistamine
    8:30am: alarm
    9:00am: up

    Positive things:
    -did not eat after 8
    - did not eat any of the praline Easter eggs that were beckoning me at work all evening (man I hate Easter... we're swimming in chocolate eggs at work over a month in advance!)
    - am feeling a little better than I did last night, though I would much rather just get back into bed :-/
    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ---George Bernard Shaw
    When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

  2. #92
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    Man, I really can't believe the last time I posted was only a week ago! So many highs and lows (mostly lows though, but then highs!) have happened since then. I am such a mood swing queen.
    As you probably guessed, I've been absent during the past week because, yes, I've been sick again, with sinusitis this time. Only I got so sick from it I actually had a fever and was in bed all day, which is all kinds of messed up I think. When I shared this sentiment with my doctor (well not my regular doctor), she said that my immune system is probably all hyper from the mono, so that whenever something small happens than can be perceived as a threat, like a small cold, it starts to produce these nuclear strength mononucleosis-defeating antibodies that give me a fever and make me feel miserable. She gave me some pills that my pharmacist said were commonly used to stop allergies, but that I'm not taking because they contain something called pseudo-epinephrine and, ahem, hello, anxiety suffering ex-junkie here (?), but she probably didn't see that in my file or something.

    Anyway the whole thing reminded me a bit too much of all these hyperactive immune system stories on this site so instead of putting two and two together like I should have and clean up my act, what do I do? As soon as she puts me on leave from work (yes, again...) for the rest of the week I lock myself in the house and spent all day eating bagels/frozen pizza/Ben & Jerry's and playing computer games in my pyjamas. Cue horrible nightmare's/waking up covered in sweat/constant stomach ache/general depression/social phobia/even more binge eating until on Friday night I snapped and cried my eyes out to my boyfriend and then we actually had a fight because he doesn't even think that what I am doing is that wrong (apart from the staying indoors all day when it's sunny out) and according to him "there isn't that much of a difference between 60 kilos and 70 kilos" (well duh, 10 kilos! ), so I cried even more and he ended up just hugging me because he doesn't have the slightest clue but is a sweet guy who tries hard.

    So on Saturday morning (yesterday) I sucked it up and made myself some bacon and 2 eggs sunny side up, then sat outside on our back (= private) porch and leafed through my "Primal Blueprint: Quick and Easy Meals" that had just come in the mail (I took that as a sign, and our landlord had just come that morning to install our new furnace, so we have 4 burners again, another sign!).

    Fast forward to present: I am totally in love with this book! I've had to eat alone for two nights in a row now, which is usually my 'me' time of eating in front of the TV (we don't have cable so watch TV only rarely and save up shows on DVD) and tonight I actually felt that eating in front of the TV would be blasphemous so I sat alone at the dinner table listening to the radio, all mindfulness-like
    I got so excited I even took pictures:
    DSC03115.jpg
    ^^ this is courgette 'pasta' with chicken and creamy walnut sauce (only I made it with pecans), as on page 195 (I know the tomato slices are way corny in a circle like that, but I was feeling giddy ) The sauce is amazing and I am already planning a summer garden get together with raw veggies and all those wonderful primal dips! I tried it today with cucumber: yum.

    Then I ruined it by eating an entire package of Oxfam's 70% chocolate and then some more (14 squares to be exact) so today, I gave the last package I had left to the boyfriend and asked him to make it disappear.

    We took a long walk today (well, more of a long stroll) and got lots of sun and I realised somewhere in the afternoon that my stomach ache is gone already. Then I finally got some studying done and at night, while the boy was at band practice, put some pork in a zip lock bag in the fridge along with some Fennel and Lemon Rub (p215), and used the other half of the pork to make 'pork salad with date vinaigrette' (p97):
    DSC03119.jpg
    ... and I think I had a culigasm or at least a culi-crush on this Jennifer Meier lady. I ended up eating only half of that plate, btw. The vinaigrette is so incredibly rich you simply can't eat that much of it, but man, is it fabulous! Dates, lemon zest, anchovies and garlic? Who would have thought? Anyway, after that particularly adventurous combo (I even ate fennel, which I normally hate), I have 100% blind trust in this woman and am planning to make every single recipe in the book. And I still have the basic primal cookbook and 'Paleo Comfort Foods' arriving next week! (I ordered them all on Amazon UK, but then had to wait so long for them to come in from the US that I almost forgot about them)

    Pfff! This post is about as bipolar as I've been feeling (for the record, I am not bipolar, just, I don't know, maybe sometimes I am a little... :-/). I really want to stay on the wagon this time. The boyfriend may not think so, but I really do have some eating disorder-remnant and mood disorder type problems that all seem to get better the better I follow this life style. And I want my immune system to chill the $%@# out already. There's work to be done here!
    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ---George Bernard Shaw
    When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

  3. #93
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    Woah, both of those look so gooooooooooooooood right now! Hmmm, tomatoes! When Gabi's tomato plant gives us some new fruit, I'm going to try this recipe. I may have just drooled on my keyboard.
    Don't let nobody try and take your soul. You're the original . --Switchfoot- The Original

    GW: 135 SW: 156.8 CW: 156.8

  4. #94
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    I think you're doing great for everything you're dealing with! Eating right has to be so confusing when you're sick all the time. I was sick with a fever for a week this month and noticed that my body all of a sudden really didn't want to work much on digestion, which meant it acted like a two-year-old anytime I tried to eat something healthy like eggs, meat or complex carbs in vegetables. It wanted simply digested things or nothing at all. But then I got better and had to slowly transition out of eating too many starchy/sugary things. I'm still eating higher carb and wondering if I'll do just as well with it.

    Maybe when it comes to your boyfriend, you shouldn't emphasize the weight issue as much. Concentrate on other things you're worried about such as your energy levels and fitness levels. Nobody wants to deal with erratic emotions and energy and that is totally controllable by keeping your blood sugar/insulin release more even.
    Last edited by Lex26; 03-25-2012 at 01:51 PM.
    Starting weight: 225
    Current weight: 195
    Goal: One pull-up by December 31, 2012
    Method: Schwarzbein Principle II, program for insulin sensitive/burned-out adrenals
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    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

  5. #95
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    Thanks Lex, that's some good advice on the boyfriend thing. Like I said, he does want to help, it's just that his idea of helping mainly consists of trying to convince me there is really no problem I did tell him though that I suspect that the nightmares (last night was another "classic" ) get worse when I eat a lot of sugar, especially at night, and I want to try this out.

    I have also been stressing my butt off re uni Between all my being sick and lying around in denial (games are so the best way to completely shut yourself off from reality), I have now officially wasted exactly half of my semester doing absolutely nothing. If I even dare to think about all the things I still have to do, I just want to run away! (which might be just the ticket to get some sprinting done ) But I don't want to drop any more classes unless absolutely necessary: if I pass this load, I will have finished all classes by Xmas next year, and have the entire second semester to finish my thesis. So that is the prize. Focus focus focus...
    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ---George Bernard Shaw
    When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

  6. #96
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    I know how you feel when it comes to being overwhelmed. I screw that up almost every day. Even if I make a to-do list (I like ToDoist.com - check it out) I freak out over simple things until it's the last minute to get that thing done. I'm trying to build an imaginary friend in my head that also pets my head and says, "One thing at a time, honey. Just do your best on one thing at a time." I think my main problem is I'm a slow worker, partly because I'm a perfectionist, so when I see my list I'm like, normal people could do this, but you? You're gonna work hard just to get two of these things done. And it frustrates me from the get-go because I want to be quicker and more productive. When I let it frustrate me too much, which is often, I don't get anything done because of the flight or fight options I end up choosing flight. And, as I'm sure you know, things build up.

    I don't know if you've been making rounds on other people's journals in our circle, but we've resolved to make April the "anti-stress" month. This article is a must-read assignment for it. Of the tips below on managing stress, I think I need to do the "lower your standards" and "time management" thing. I'm really happy about the April challenge because most of us throw ourselves hard into managing our diet and exercise regimens, but not stress management which is just as important if not more.

    Reframe the situation. We experience stress because of the meaning we assign to certain events or situations. Sometimes changing our perspective is enough to relieve the stress. For example, being stuck in traffic can be a “disaster” or it could be an opportunity for contemplation and solitude.
    Lower your standards. This is especially important for you perfectionists out there. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Let good enough be good enough.
    Practice acceptance. One of my meditation teachers used to say “All suffering is caused by wishing the moment to be other than it is.” Many things in life are beyond our control. Learn to accept the things you can’t change.
    Be grateful. Simply shifting your focus from what is not okay or not enough, to what you’re grateful for or appreciative of can completely change your perspective – and relieve stress.
    Cultivate empathy. When you’re in a conflict with another person, make an effort to connect with their feelings and needs. If you understand where they’re coming from, you’ll be less likely to react and take it personally.
    Manage your time. Poor time management is a major cause of stress. When you’re overwhelmed with commitments and stretched too thin, it’s difficult to stay present and relaxed. Careful planning and establishing boundaries with your time can help.
    Starting weight: 225
    Current weight: 195
    Goal: One pull-up by December 31, 2012
    Method: Schwarzbein Principle II, program for insulin sensitive/burned-out adrenals
    My Primal Journey


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

  7. #97
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    Well, yes, I do make my rounds of the journals as a lurker so I had read about your April challenge. Y'all (I know I'm not licensed to say "y'all" but sometimes it's fun to cross lines ) can count me in!
    I've started by trying to find new approaches to the way I track things. At the moment I'm weighing myself 2 times a week, because I really felt that it was a source of stress to not_know, and since I'm back on the wagon, the number has been going down slowly again which is quite soothing...
    I'm no longer tracking every meal, day, or whatever, just making mental notes of the highlights and sometimes pictures:
    DSC03124.jpg
    ^^ "pizza" omelet with shallots, mushrooms, chorizo, bell pepper, mozarella and fresh basil

    DSC03122.jpg
    ^^ "breakfast food for dinner day": Pork and radish hash (this made the boyfriend remark "Man, I can't believe how much your cooking skills have improved since we first went out" - he sucks at compliments ) as on p45 of 'Quick & Easy Meals', broccoli purée with almond dressing (p67 - wasn't supposed to be purée but I over cooked it ) and sweet potato latkes which are my new "OMG where have you been all my life???"-thing. Those are to die for with some sour cream, as a post-late-shift snack, and the recipe makes 3-4 servings that are ready to be reheated.

    The other two things I'm focusing on are slow movement (walks, bike rides) and timeboxing. I'm so much like you, Lex, in that I tend to sort of block/freeze until deadlines approach, and then go into some kind of berserk mode to produce sub-standard papers in record time. That's obviously bad. I've also learned a long time ago that I feel best at the end of my day if it has incorporated a little bit of everything I want to do: some chores/house work, some studying/work on papers, some exercise, a home cooked meal, something fun/creative... So that's what I've been telling myself to peel myself off of the computer screen for the past few days, and it's been working on and off

    Rode my bike to and from work the other day, and even though I got a bit of a headache on the way back (I always get headaches/sore ears when I pick up walking or riding my bike again after winter - weird thing and it sucks!), I didn't have to strain myself too much, so it still counts as slow movement. A walk can just be a detour when going somewhere close by, or can be a time to bond/talk with the boy.

    I also checked with work and it turns out I can plan 4 weeks of vacation between now and exam time, and still have plenty of vacation time left, so that's what I'm going to do. Those 4 weeks will be solely dedicated to studying, to make up for all the time I lost when I was sick. Apart from that, I've been calming myself down with careful prioritizing and planning (deadlines etc.) which is almost working

    Now if only I don't get sick again... *shifty eyes* :-s
    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ---George Bernard Shaw
    When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

  8. #98
    Tricia's Avatar
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    oh, and about the boyfriend thing: I have given him my 70% dark chocolate to "guard" which has been interesting for a number of reasons: 1. it includes him in my efforts (ie, he's helping, which I think on a subconscious level makes it less frustrating for him that there's nothing he can do) 2. it seems to remind him of what I am doing, so he doesn't forget and offer me snack food all the time any longer 3. I have an extra barrier between me and binge food, while still having it in the house which prevents me from going out to buy vending machine candy because there's no quality chocolate around when I'm having cravings. He's only allowed to give me 4 squares a day. Good deal, no?
    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ---George Bernard Shaw
    When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

  9. #99
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    Just don't let your boyfriend know chocolate is a crazy aphrodisiac! I didn't realize that until I started eating clean. Chocolate's effect on me is no joke I have to agree with him on the cooking - I love the look of that pizza omelette! And I love any kind of hash.

    Glad to hear you've got 4 weeks to catch up. That's a lot of time! But if you want to procrastinate more in the name of conquering procrastination (like I did at one point this week) maybe watch some videos from this "you-go-girl" guru that I've recently found. I really love her stuff: Smart tricks to help you massively increase your productivity | Marie Forleo

    I look forward to watching where we can all get ourselves with some more stress management.
    Starting weight: 225
    Current weight: 195
    Goal: One pull-up by December 31, 2012
    Method: Schwarzbein Principle II, program for insulin sensitive/burned-out adrenals
    My Primal Journey


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

  10. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lex26 View Post
    Just don't let your boyfriend know chocolate is a crazy aphrodisiac! I didn't realize that until I started eating clean. Chocolate's effect on me is no joke
    You should come over lex... I have lots of chocolate!! hahaha I kid!... except for the having lots of chocolate part (love me some dark chocolate... really fixed on the 90% lindt right now... I've tried others but I think that the 90% is my fave!)

    Tricia! Love that you recognise what foods can be dangerous to you! Especially recognising that a good food like chocolate can be a bad thing if over consumed! That's definitely something to be proud of! Keep up the killer cooking too! Your Egg pizza looks way better than the one's I've made!
    SW (Nov 22nd 2011): 333, 2 Years: 245lbs
    Current Weight as of December 4th, 2013: 239
    Short Term Goal: Happy brain, figure out direction in life.
    Met Goal: Be a 2x Shirt, Fit in a standard airplane seat belt without the use of a seat belt extension, Better sleep, Be a 1x Shirt
    Long Term Goal: 166lbs (One day!), Buy whatever cloths I want to wear.
    Pain is temporary, quitting is forever- Lance Armstrong #NoExcuses

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