Harplady's Primal Journey page 2

[HarpLady]

I thought I'd sign back in before bed to report that the hambone soup turned out pretty good! I didn't put any carrots in, but the parsnips took on a texture kind of similar to beans, which is what I was hoping for. I ended up with a huge pot of soup, the boys enjoyed it too, and I'll probably freeze some of it in serving size containers. I also made a batch of paleo 'corn' muffins, a recipe I saw on a several websites using coconut flour, and honestly, nobody liked them. It's 11:30 here, and even though I ate plenty tonight, I'm hungry, but not shaky or incoherent, so I'm going to bed, to dream of a big breakfast!

[HarpLady]

So yesterday I met a friend for lunch. I ordered the fish and oven roasted veggies, and which was beautiful, but had a big chunk of butter melting on top, probably whipped with cream. All milk problems are bad for me, but in my usual denial, I ate it anyway because I love the taste of butter. (The voice in my head, "it will be ok THIS time, Terri".

My last dairy experiment was with Ghee. I cooked with it and was feeling so happy, but after a few days some of the tell tale signs started to return (itchy right hand, congested bladder). On day 5 of that experiment I woke up with a locked up bladder and headache, and having pee'd the bed (A problem I had as a child, how humiliating), I realized that Ghee is not for me.

So my guts started hurting last evenings, and my bladder congestion started, and I woke in the middle of the night feeling like crap, with a pinching and itching sensation in my tonsils and soft pallet, and incessant thirst, and a headache. Will I ever learn?

After a hot bath, I took a walk in my garden to enjoy the beautiful weather we're having here in st louis. When I finally came in I was feeling better, and toting big piles of multicolored carrots, beets, turnips, leeks, and a variety of Kales:red, purple, blue, lacinato. I also hunted and gathered some potatoes that had been left behind on my last dig. I don't eat a lot of potatoes, but I'll eat a few here and there, when they're from my garden. I'm also still eating sweet potatoes and a variety of winter squash from this year's garden.

Winter hasn't really hit missouri yet, and I'm glad I got out there today. It feels so good to touch the earth and stand/squat in the sun!

[HarpLady]

So, yesterday's food:
Brunch: eggs,fresh picked sateed greens, and some of those taters (just couldn't resist)
Dinner: smoked salmon, cukes, and (the best part of my day) I sautéed carrots & leeks in coconut oil, then added a pinch of salt, juice of an orange and coconut butter. YUMMY.
snack: pecans

[HarpLady]

T = my boy friend of 11 years
When we first got together I was a vegetarian. He has always been a confirmed meat eater. We were happily compatible, except in the area of food, where we had to agree to disagree. He has suffered (and laughed...lovingly) through my various phases of cause and effect experiments with foods. The first time he talked me into eating a steak, which had to be from whole foods, he claims that I fell on it like a vulture on roadkill (yes, those were his actual words). The truth is, as soon as I smelled it, I started drooling. Once I took the first bite, I couldn't stop myself. I ate every bite, including all the luscious fat, and I may have even licked the plate.

Now that I'm on my 3rd (and hopefully final) attempt at the paleo life, he is tickled pink, and still laughing. This morning I started breakfast with bacon (so that I would have good fat to cook in), sautéed 2 onions and 1 1/2 leftover pork chops cut into cubes, added eggs, scrambled the whole mess with salt, pepper, and garlic granules, stuck it in front of him and crumpled the bacon over the top. It was delicious, and satisfying. In his opinion, I'm am now perfect.

So he's taking me to Puerto Vallarta in 2 weeks! I know it's going to be fun, and I am very excited, but I'm also nervous about food (of course, I've been nervous about food for years). I've been feeling really awesome lately, and I don't want to ruin it by eating anything crappy. I also still hate the way I look in my swimming suit.

[HarpLady]

For the most part, I feel like I've been doing great on the PB. I'm eating plenty of good protein, animal fats, and veggies. But there is one food fetish I've had trouble letting go of, and that is my French Vanilla soy creamer. I've rationalized it for a long time, feeling that "it's not like I'm using THAT much". I don't usually drink coffee, just an occasional decaf. I'm hypersensitive to everything, and too much caffeine turns me into a tweaker. But I do like my Assam, my english breakfast, and my black dragon pearl teas, and I like them with stevia and French Vanilla Creamer.

So, a few weeks ago I was at whole foods, and they didn't have any. Neither did Schnucks, or Dierburgs. I was jones-ing, and nobody had my stuff!! I actually felt a sense of panic, and (being a recovering addict from other substances, 28 years clean and serene), I realized I needed to get honest, open minded and willing, and practice some acceptance. It was a sign, and it was time to move on. For the last couple of weeks I've been making my tea with Coconut milk (from the can, not the carton. If I was gonna use the carton stuff, I might as well use my soy creamer). Here's what I've noticed:
1. I don't really like my tea with coconut milk unless I brew it with half water, and half coconut milk. Even then, I only like it sometimes.
2. The only tea I really do like with coconut milk is chai, which is awesome, but I have to brew it strong and add equal amounts H2o and coconut milk.
3. It seems like when I use coconut milk, I can't taste the stevia, or any other sweetener (Yes....I tried a few experiments...just to see)

So I've been sort of losing interest in tea, I miss my creamer, and yesterday I was at whole foods. I was walking towards to refrigerated dairy aisle, and I could see that there still wasn't any french vanilla soy creamer, and as I was looking a hand reached up from behind the shelf and placed 2 cartons in the empty space, as if to say, "Here you go, Terri, we got some just for you!". And of course, I knew it was a sign, and I bought one.

This morning for breakfast (a scramble of eggs, bacon, chicken sausages, and greens) I made myself a cup of tea that included my creamer and stevia. It tasted ridiculously syrupy sweet. Then I made another cup and just used the creamer...still too sweet... It tasted gross and made me feel yucky.

When I first got clean (from drugs), there were a few relapses and I learned very quickly that you can never really go back. The high is never as good as it was when you first started using. You just end up feeling like crap. It's been the same with my paleo journey. Once I illuminate a food for a week or two, when I try eating it again I really notice is crappy, tired, or bloated it makes me feel.

So now my love affair with that creamer is ruined. It will never taste the same, the fetish is over, and actually I'm relieved. I'm not sure where I will go from here. Maybe I'll give up black tea all together (which would probably be better for me anyway). Maybe I'll go back to ice tea, which I like straight up on the rocks, unsweetened, no lemon. Or green tea, which I also drink straight. Or water. I can always drink more water.

[namelesswonder]

That sounds like a really healthy experience. I struggled with self-harm (and still struggle with the idea) for several years so I have an idea of what the recognition of an unhealthy infatuation with something can be like. I used to get that way over certain candies, embarrassingly enough. It is relieving when you get to the point of realizing that something just does not work for you anymore though.

[HarpLady]

I'm having one of those days where I feel dissatisfied. It really started yesterday...I wanted a certain....je ne sais quas...some undefinable food that I couldn't...define...

I made breakfast, and aiming for novelty, I cooked some bacon, some mini-sausage patties (my new thing, bite size), cauliflower grits, and eggs. It was tasty!
Lunch was a BAS: greens, leftover steak, winter squash chunks and brussell sprouts & some herbs, etc.
Dinner was yellow squash cut to resemble pasta topped with pasta sauce + ground sirloin.

Today I met a friend for breakfast, which was eggs, ground sirloin, sautéed veggies, served on a bed of hash browns, which I forgot to ask them to leave off. I picked around the taters, which turned out to be about half of the food on the plate, but left the restaurant feeling like I would be hungry within the hour, and I was. Still, I had things to do. I went to the mall a half hour early for my mac class and 'mall walked', which is not my ideal place to walk, but it was 17 degrees outside, so better than nothing. I'm home now and just finished having my 2nd breakfast of the day, LOL, this time it was bacon, sirloin, eggs, and greens. Breakfast is definitely my favorite meal! I also cooked winter squash cubes for a snack later, which I'll mix with coconut milk & cinnamon. I just realized I'm out of coconut milk!

So...I'm not feeling dissatisfied on a nutritional level, and although I do get really hungry when it's time to eat, I think what I'm really wanting is novelty. I know I'm eating plenty of animal fats, and thought about making some kind of paleo scones or something. I'm hoping the butternut squash will do the trick...mildly sweet, creamy...

[Ms Whatsit]

I've never tried making paleo "corn" muffins, but do know those muffin recipes can be kind of hit or miss. I tend to combine coconut flour and almond flour to try to find a medium hearty texture, as the almond flour ones are often a bit heavy and the coconut a bit overly fluffy. Some recipes fly and some flop. My daughter doesn't like anything made of almond or coconut flour but my husband and son are good with them. I do my paleo baking in infrequent, small batches--It's too easy to consume a ridiculous amount of nut meal in one sitting and that really doesn't help my weight loss efforts.
I tried parsnips last autumn and fell in love. They're like white carrots only they smell ten times as carroty. I love to cook them into a sausage hash. Nummy!
And yeah, gotta love those meaty paleo breakfasts. My husband makes bacon and eggs for us every Sunday. It's his main contribution to the paleo effort. No conplaints here.

[Ms Whatsit]

I can relate with the calamari. "Oh, but the protein justifies the wheat," I tell myself. That's my mantra with anything battered or fried, the ends sort of justify the means. Either it's meat so it's ok or it's a vegetable so it's ok. Tossing aside the bread or the bun or the texas toast or biscuit are not much of a problem these days, but that breading is so hard to resist. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to learn...

[HarpLady]

Thanks for sharing, Ms Whatsit! I know exactly what you mean!

The corn muffins sucked, really. Nobody liked them around here. They were a little better heated and spread with some coconut butter, but at least I didn't have to worry about over eating on those, one was enough. Luckily one of my little harp students tried one and loved it, so I sent the rest of the batch home with her!

So on with the blog...

I ate pretty good all weekend, and the highlight was a recipe from mellisa joulwan, author of "well fed", who I now consider to be my new paleo best friend, even though we've never met. I've been hovering around her website like a vulture over roadkill, drooling, and I found a recipe I had to try:
Stovetop Pork Carnitas Stovetop Pork Carnitas | theclothesmakethegirl

It was awesome! It was amazingly, tantalizingly delicious! I served it to 'T' for dinner with half a baked sweet potato (I'm still working my way through the huge pile of sweet potatoes I grew this year!), and he said to me, "You are now the perfect woman!" I ordered the book!

We have leftovers, and I think I'll serve them tonight with fajita veggiesnions, garlic, peppers, and some winter squash (also from the garden), and maybe some buttery beets (the last of my garden beets, I'll miss them so).

Breakfast today:
3 bacon, beet greens, eggs.

I also started a pot of beef stock this morning: a mix of knuckle bones, ribs, and marrows, all seared in bacon fat (from breakfast) and happily swimming in my large crockpot of water. Tomorrow I'll eat any meat that separates off with a little broth, marrow, and veggies for lunch, and weds I'll strain it into jars & frig overnight. Thurs I'll brown stew meat in the tallow, and simmer with caramelized onions, garlic, carrots, parsnips (my fav sub for potatoes), and add something green at the end. YUM!!