okay ladies..I need help. Oh on so many levels .
Somehow my life is at a point where I just don't really have any close friends I can talk to about these things. My sister and I are very close but some things she just isn't the best to talk to about. Anyway...because I find it hard to get out and meet people I have done the online dating thing off and on. I am 46 and with the exception of a very brief (2 year) marriage that gave me my son I have been single my entire life. I have had no live ins and no functional relationships. A few weeks ago I met this guy online. I was at a point of quitting but he seemed interesting and normal enough to try one more time. Of course he lives three hours away but we met halfway for supper the first week, have talked and texted everyday and this weekend he spent the weekend. He said more than once over the last few weeks how excited he was he met me, I was just the kind of woman he had been looking for, that we had something special, blah blah blah...he drove up here this weekend despite the fact that I was sick because he wanted to spend time with me. I know and told him I have trust issues. I found myself the whole time analyzing in my head everything he said looking for lies. And by today I could tell he was pulling away from me. When he left he said 'don't be a stranger'. And I said 'will i see you again?" "Of course!" he says. But there was just something there...or not there as the case may be. And I am hurt. I liked him, so wanted him to be different but it is just one more failure in a lifetime of failures. I confess I am very depressed right now. I am tired of being by myself. I want a life I can build with someone but I keep blowing it. I am at the point of realizing I may very well spend the rest of my life alone. All very dramatic sounding I know. Please forgive me for that. I don't know what exactly I am doing wrong, what is wrong with me so I don't know how to fix it. Obviously none of you know me either but any ideas or thoughts or just encouragement would be great. Any feedback from guys would be nice too. I am missing something somehow and I am tired of missing it. It will be one more New Years Eve spent alone.
You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.
SW 215 lbs
CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
LW 172 lbs
GW 125ish lbs