The Girl in White Tiger Field page 7

[Byakko]

Day's not even over and already more snags.

B: Thai Style Eggs
S: Larabar
L: …McDonald's Caesar salad
D: will probably be the salmon from last night.

Why does it feel like whenever you make an honest strong effort to do something good, there's something or someone that comes along to put a road block there? I haven't been able to have one full day of primal/paleo eating without messing up.

People don't seem to realize that it's not just about me being picky or weight-watching. I have IBS and while I don't have a lot of flares (thank God) I am aware of how food makes me feel whether it's terrible pain, constipation or lethargy and depression. Every Tues and Thurs I accompany my aunt and grandmother to the physical therapist. My grandma's 90 with a knee that bothers her. But my aunt is overweight and I think if she had just stayed active at home, she wouldn't be so tight with back and leg problems.

After we left the office we headed home but not before stopping at a fast food joint. I had just finished eating a Larabar, thinking that "Yes! I can make it home without fainting!" But she decides to stop. They ask what I want, I say nothing. I say I don't like fast food. My aunt simply replies "I don't either, but I have to eat". …I sort of have a feeling she was making an excuse (and at times my mind screams "sabotage".) I got the salad (which is like $5!) and I was only able to get through half of it until I was like "omg this is gross". Even a salad from a fast food place is a last resort.

*frustrated*

I think I'm going to make a habit out of posting things I've learned each day (otherwise I might lose it.)

-I have to make some concrete goals for myself. I have to. Otherwise I'll get slack and just fall clean off the wagon. I'll start with trying to finish two bottles worth of water each day. One of my biggest temptations is flavored beverages (right now, Kool-Aid, which is frustrating because I went a very long time without it.) I may have to gradually ween myself off of it like I did with Sprite (only that time I had juice to fall back on.)

-I never know if my breakfast choices are filling. I seem to be having trouble telling the differences between hunger and cravings. Usually if I'm jonesing for something in particular, its a craving. Either I need to put in an extra egg or try another recipe. I don't know.

-Paleo/Primal is a PROACTIVE lifestyle. Dx You cannot be lazy. And I don't mean just with being active. If you don't plan things right and follow through and do them it's going to be tough and you're almost guaranteed to fail. I've been trying to not be too harsh on myself but at the same time I wonder when I am too lenient. That being said, I think ONLY Larabars are not going to cut it when I am away from home, especially for an extended time. Homemade salads or veggie finger food might be in order. Heck maybe even a full on lunchbox.

-Unhealthy things I used to like, I can't stomach as much now. Today for example: I used to like the salads from McDonald's alright. But today it was not appealing and I couldn't even finish. Worst part is I ate a good bit of it and am still hungry. Don't know if I'm becoming more sensitive or if it's my mind playing games, making me think I hate it because I know it's not good.

With hope and some luck, setting specific goals for myself will help to develop healthy habits. I have a very long way to go and sometimes it's hard to not just totally give up.

[Byakko]

Deviating from the food talk for a moment to talk about feet.

I've had plantar fasciits for a few years now. I'm not sure how exactly it came up but before that I had no foot problems. But I notice the problems are going beyond my feet and I feel my knees hurting more. I used to wear house shoes all the time (I even got a new pair for Xmas last year) but I can't now. I think when my heel is elevated higher than my toes, it creates pressure and pain for my knees. It's quite odd.

The problem is I am not a barefoot Five-Finger wearer. I live in an uneven hilly terrain so my feet are still not accustomed to barefoot walking/running. (Plus there's a massive ant problem and my feet would be eaten up, even in the grass.) But I'm starting to think I need to go barefoot, both inside and out. My ankles, too, seem to be a little too flexible so it's easy to hurt my ankles and feet if I misstep.

Uh yeah if anyone has advice for transitioning to going barefood I'd appreciate it. I've looked up some things but I get a lot of different stories and info (most on running.) And I'll be clear. I'm not a runner and I have no intention of running barefoot. As they say, you have to walk before you run so I want to focus on walking as barefoot as I can manage.

[Byakko]

Contemplating Paleo, my eating habits and things of that nature.

I couldn't help noticing that trying to plan to follow the Paleo lifestyle, it's somewhat similar to how actual early humans would make food their priority. At first I wasn't too happy with this because, I thought, the more I focus on food and make it a big deal, the harder it is for me to break bad habits. But planning meals and trying to figure out what you can do with what you have is very "survivor". With this way of eating you really have to take a lot of responsibility. It's quite different from what I'm accustomed to. But I want to get better. I ate some things I shouldn't and now I'm feeling depressed and guilty (and a little icky.) I may need to start focusing on little small things in between meals, to begin with and make meals very easy.

[Mud Flinger]

Quit kicking yourself - look at all that you have learned!!! Choosing a Ceasar Salad at McD's is making the best out of a bad situation - and you only at half. Was there a better choice on the menu? Not likely! Sitting there hungry may have caused much worse problems for you later - what if you had gone home and binged on crap and then had an IBS flare up?
Plus you may have made your Aunt and G'ma feel bad and that's not your goal either. Maybe next time, plan that you will be going out for lunch or take a healthy pic-nic for everyone to enjoy. I bet they would enjoy your efforts AND feel better after eating good food prepared with love by you! Waldorf chicken salad travels well and you could enjoy a park somewhere along the way - it doesn't have to take any longer than a fast food stop. Sparkling water or iced tea to drink.

Try making a list of all the good choices and things you did right each day. It will definitely be longer than your list of screw ups!

[Byakko]

Mud Flinger:You're right. Very right. A salad (though it's hella expensive) is still probably a better option than most of McDonald's menu. And I should stop beating myself up. It's a habit I need to break. And I do plan on reminding myself on my successes. I have made the mistakes. I can only try not to make them again. I can't keep dwelling on past bad choices. Every night I look at inspirational primal/paleo stuff to always remind me why I'm doing this and get perspective. I'm in this to heal myself, not to get a six pack (though getting fit isn't bad of course!) I actually casually lent my Primal Blueprint copy to my aunt, but I'm not confident she'll take advantage.

Also, Mud Flinger, you're probably right about being hungry. I was beginning to think that maybe I should tough things out if I didn't have access to a paleo meal; that I should skip it. Being more hungry is mostly likely causing me to binge. I think I'm aware at how restrictive this new way eating seems (I realize it's not restrictive but I'm still trying to get the hang of meal planning.) So yes, you're right. The important thing is to not make fast food salads a regular thing. Not ideal but the best I can do if comes down to it. The least I can do is make and bring my own dressing instead of eating the one they provide. (I just hate how buying salads generates unnecessary plastic waste but...) I also need to get out of this mentality of drinking a ton of water to stay full. (I think that's CW.)

Last night was rough. I had some nausea and had to take a pill. Didn't feel so great waking up either (because the pill's purpose is to calm me but ends up making me sleep late). I can't say exactly what caused it but I'll chock it up to the obvious culprit: sugar.

B: Thai Style Eggs (I like it a lot)
L: skipped
S: brown mule ice cream
S: LaraBar
D: a slap-dash meal of spinach, two Apple Gate Turkey Dogs, a quick homemade dressing and a large carrot

Other (all eaten after dinner):
-3 vanilla wafers
-2 pieces of toast
-1 cup of Kool-Aid

Yup that's right! I've decided that it's time to be completely honest with myself. I need to see the extra things I'm consuming. Can't hide this stuff anymore. I want to hold myself accountable; not just for motivation but to chronicle these things in general. I'm not proud of it but I'm not going to sit here and cry about it. I hope that I don't have any IBS problems tonight but if I do, then I'll know why.

I don't know what it is about the evening but I get so hungry. It's annoying to open and close fridge and cabinet doors waiting for food to attack your face.

A shopping trip is in order. Fortunately I think I'm starting to get a handle on what I need most.

[Byakko]

...Okay so, I'm not feeling too hot right now...AGAIN. Not surprised, considering what I ate. Can't be sure, but I'm pretty confident on what it was. I keep a large tin of Altoids next to my bed when I start to feel gross. Just finished my first one of the night. Hope I don't have to take another one (because I think peppermint can occasionally make things worse and this is not a sugar free variety. I have to find more "paleo" ways of fighting nausea.) The more discomfort I get the more anxious I am to really make a significant change. I realize that none of the bad foods I ate earlier were what one would consider "healthy" choices, even by CW standards. They were simply CRAP.

MAJOR prioritization is called for. Being that I have IBS, I may need to zone in on specific foods. I am pretty interested in the FODMAPS thing and I believe that it's worth trying. But as most might know, FODMAPS is not necessarily paleo (though possibly more primal.) Found a helpful list that is both paleo and low fodmap. While tomatoes are low-fodmap, my dad has an allergy and as I recall, it's a nightshade and may have some negative effects so I may not be including them in shopping trips. (Mom just bought some organic tomato sauce so I'm not going to turn my nose up at it.) I'm also probably not going to let in bell peppers. It is POSSIBLE that I do not have any problems with other vegetables that are considered off limits on a FODMAP diet. But again, I'm just setting something to shoot for. Frozen vegetables will most likely be on the shopping list.

When it comes to both budgeting and IBS, I think I should just stick with several appropriate options and not try to buy every single food. But I still will strive for variety. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to turn away from fruits or vegetables of any kind if available and allowable in a budget. Hehe I'm not that crazy. But I want focus on the most important stuff and worry about the others if funds allow. I've also decided that at this point, I need a break from dark chocolate. It's non-essential. While it might be okay for the occasional chocolate craving, ultimately it's not going to do much to distract me from other cravings or be as filling as other snacks. I decided a while back that paleo versions of desserts and things are not as important.

Yeah. I feel this is a good place to start. Just a starting place! I'm not hatin' on garlic or onions just yet. Still I like to know I can still have some variety if times get very tight. Right. Wanted to get all that off my chest. :/

[Mud Flinger]

Ground meat is my best friend when I feel brain dead. Make a burger or break it up and brown it and add whatever spices you have and like. Onion and mushroom taste great with it and I always serve it over greans (spinach mostly). Some basalmic vinegar is yummy on most anything. Another easy favorite is chicken breast wrapped in bacon. Buy the big family pack of chicken and make a bunch with bacon wrapped. Everybody loves it and it freezes or sits in the fridge well. An egg on a burger over greens seems decadent for dinner too. If you are hungry or "just gotta eat" after dinner, make another little meal. Munching is where you allow those nasties in. Even some cottage cheese or a yogurt is a better choice. See if you can avoid bringing the crackers and crap in the house when you shop (sometimes tough when living with others) because if it's not there, you can't eat it. Ask those you live with to help you because you get so ill when you slip up.

[Byakko]

Ground meat is my best friend when I feel brain dead. Make a burger or break it up and brown it and add whatever spices you have and like. Onion and mushroom taste great with it and I always serve it over greans (spinach mostly). Some basalmic vinegar is yummy on most anything. Another easy favorite is chicken breast wrapped in bacon. Buy the big family pack of chicken and make a bunch with bacon wrapped. Everybody loves it and it freezes or sits in the fridge well. An egg on a burger over greens seems decadent for dinner too. If you are hungry or "just gotta eat" after dinner, make another little meal. Munching is where you allow those nasties in. Even some cottage cheese or a yogurt is a better choice. See if you can avoid bringing the crackers and crap in the house when you shop (sometimes tough when living with others) because if it's not there, you can't eat it. Ask those you live with to help you because you get so ill when you slip up.

Right now I live with my family, so it's difficult to avoid the bad stuff. They eat pretty badly to begin with (even going by CW) and while I'd like it if they joined me on changing their habits, it's not right for me to ask them to not bring them OR hide them. Mom already hides the cookies (but not well.) But anyway thanks for the suggestions.

The main thing I'm trying to figure out right now is what are the cheapest but best quality food I can afford and which items I need most (note: I'm not used to liver or other organ meats so I'd have to find an uber awesome recipe before I'd eat it. Last time I had beef liver it tasted like manure.) I'm also trying to figure out how much protein, fat and carbs I need. I realize that's "counting" but don't I need to know so I won't feel hungry or something?

[Byakko]

*From now on please assume all food is conventional unless stated otherwise.
B: Thai Style Eggs
S: Larabar (was away from home)
L: nothing...yet again
D: 3 chicken drumettes baked in butter and maybe about 1/2 cup of cucumbers as a side
S: I may have some strawberries for dessert

Bad Stuff
-some cheetos
-3 vanilla wafers

Yes I screwed up again. But I tried to make up for it by plugging through it and making good choices. (My usual bad habit is to keep consuming junk). This may or may not be a huge deal but that's what's happening. I just finished dinner...but I'm not full or satisfied. This could be due to a number of things.

-rushing through the meal (because of hunger and lack of lunch)
-mistaking cravings for hunger
-not enough to eat
-need more water (I had about 16oz so far today, so basically a whole bottle)

I can't be sure which is the culprit, but it could be any or all of them. Right now, I feel a bit agitated and restless, almost grumpy even. I hope I can keep on track for the rest of the night.

[JudyCr]

I'd go low carb to cut the cravings if I were you.

Maybe no more than 30 grams a day, plenty of eggs, uncured bacon, hamburger patties, tuna, chicken, pork chops, macadamia nuts, few strawberries, 1/2 org apple, nut butter in celery, olives and cheese, org greens, salad fixings (tomatoes, onions, cukes, mushrooms, few shredded carrots) with oil and vinegar, avocados, 1/2 sweet potato couple times a wk, plenty of spinach, asparagus, cauliflower, squash, broccoli..

You've got to get organized, make lists, make menus, watch for sale items, clip coupons, drink loads of filtered water. I love green tea with lime. Do some kind of exercise everyday.

You'll be shocked at how great you'll feel in a really short time. You think this would cost a lot, but buying simple foods and staying away from the processed aisles, you'll end up spending less.

My husband loves junk food so I know how you feel with unhealthy foods in the house. But once you get over the hump and train your body to like only healthy food, your willpower will be there for you, to protect from evil grain and sugar