The Girl in White Tiger Field page 3

[Byakko]

IcarianVX: You crack me up but you're very correct. I wasn't even paying attention to my terminology! D:
And you're right. My brain knows it's bad. My body knows it makes me feel bad. Why am I ignoring the signs?
It's just difficult when you don't have much food around and you're starving. But from now on I'll try to find more recipes and plan as much as I can so that food doesn't run too low.

That's a good idea! Sort of like salmon patties (though mom adds bread to hers.)
I'm iffy on butter atm. I like it but I wonder how it differs from regular dairy, something I'm trying to give up.
I guess what I do is more paleo than primal but I will look more into using butter on things.
It would be nice to use sense it's easy to get and everyone uses it. Geez that CW is a hard thing to get rid of!

Well...I'd do better speaking with my aunt or older cousin. My uncle is really not someone I wish to speak with if I don't have to. He tends to create a lot of problems and general familial animosity (he's not a blood-relation.) But it's not all his fault I suppose. He came into contact with some chemicals (I believe it's called Agent Orange?) while in the Vietnam War. Not to mention they aren't the best of farmers when it comes to cows. Just before it got really cold my dad cut the lawn and I spent a little while raking the clippings into the pasture so the cows could enjoy it (and they seemed appreciative.) I feel bad for them. They always poke their heads through the wire fence to get at the fresh grass in our yard.

BUT I understand what you mean. I've been over there lots of times and I'm aware of the work they put into taking care of animals (they've got 7 pets, 2 horses, numerous cows, 20-30 chickens and guinea fowl and perhaps a hog or two somewhere.) I totally get your meaning. I think more people should be in touch with where their Big Mac comes from. I'm not particularly squeamish which I guess I have my dad to thank (he used to fish and hunt deer.) However, I've not physically done the work myself so you're on the money in that respect too. I actually come from a farm family. My grandpa had a farm and my aunts, uncle and dad had to milk them growing up (they sold the milk to PET.)

Sorry to ramble!

[Byakko]

...Rather close to quitting before I begin.

I don't think its financially possible.
While I can strive to avoid sugar...so far I can't seem to create a plan that works.

---

I quit way too easily and this is not something to take lightly.
Things are not ideal right now, but I don't want to go back to cereal and pasta or cookies and ice cream.
Right now grass-fed is not an option unless I get a donation from my family and organic will not always be possible either. But I'll do what I can. This is all testing me I think. Letting sugar, processed fake foods, and grains into my life will do nothing but weaken me, physically and mentally.

This excerpt from Robb Wolf's blog describes me to a T.

"Hippy Excuse for Failure #1: I can’t find grass-fed meat…so I’ll eat a bagel.

Hippy Excuse for Failure #2: I can’t find organic produce…so I’ll eat a bagel."

I need to stop with the "all or nothing" attitude. While the idea of eating the conventional meat and produce isn't great, I suppose it's better than filling up on crap that doesn't give me any nutrition. CW is annoying me and telling me that I'll get heart problems and plaque and all that good stuff if I eat conventional meat and bug-sprayed produce. But whatever. It's either that or doughy death and sugar sadness.

[Byakko]

Today went a little better, though I'm tired and I learned I really need to wake up earlier and eat more. I also need to take at least one fruit or some nuts with me when I go out (though if I have a good enough breakfast it may not be necessary.)

Scored a dozen Horizon Organic eggs for half off! (original price: $4.18). VICTORY SCREECH!

[Byakko]

B: a smoked sausage (C) about 6-7' long with 1 Horizon Organics scrambled egg w/ dill and pepper and a glass of water.
-I REALLY want something like apple or orange juice right now though I haven't had juice for months. Maybe I should include a fruit of some kind of breakfast. I don't know if this feeling is normal but when I eat meat (especially in the morning) I feel heavy before I even finish. Is this the satisfying power of meat or is it some kind of subconscious feeling of not liking or not used to eating it? My stomach started making some noises (no pain though.)

I haven't finished my breakfast. I've got about 3 slices of sausage left and I don't know if I can stand to eat anymore...yet I feel slightly empty or in want of something else. I crave something like an orange or a chocolate. Is the craving telling me to fill up on crap despite the fact I feel weighed down by what I already ate? Maybe I'll split the difference and eat a banana (since I didn't have any plants as part of my meal.) I know it's not the most optimal fruit I could indulge in (and it's my dad who wanted them not me) I still feel as if I need something. I ate pretty slowly compared with how I usually eat, so I'm not sure what it is.

Well things got out of hand after lunch. I made a meat-less salad (but full of good fats) for lunch and I ate pretty much most of it. Still I felt a small void. However I realized, shortly after deciding I wanted an ice cream cone that I should have stuck it out and waited about 20-30 minutes. From now on I guess if I do want a snack I should make it a non-toxic one because after that I made one bad choice after the other. Shouldn't have let that happen. But I'll try harder tomorrow.

Contemplating on purchasing one of the books...not sure which one.

[Byakko]

B: banana, sausage and salad greens
L: left over raw broccoli salad
D: grilled chicken
Snacks: G&B Chocolate, pecans, 3 large strawberries and an orange. (I overdid it on the snacks. Don't need to do that so late in the evening.)

Not feeling too well atm. I've got a slight headache and an urge to use the WC. I probably overdid it today. I believe the cravings were nagging the hell out of me because I felt SO HUNGRY...for cravings. As in, the cravings were so strong I thought I was actually hungry. I snacked more than I should, but i stayed on task surprisingly. The only sugar I had was in some barbecue seasoning and it wasn't a lot.

While trying to obtain a number of different primal/paleo books I noticed that it's really difficult. I'm not ready to buy any so I thought the state's libraries might carry them and I could request they be brought here. But every time I try to get one, they're checked out or in transit. So...I guess this movement is really gaining steam.

--
After a WC visit, things seemed to be better formed so that's good. I didn't have a lot of water today (or if I did I got it from the fruits and vegetables.) So I need to increase either the fat, the water, or the fiber.

[BeckaSki]

...Rather close to quitting before I begin.

I don't think its financially possible.

I can't afford organic grass fed meats either, and I'm not letting it stop me. I always look for them in the "manager's special" section of my market, but if they aren't there, and there's a great deal on conventional food, then fine, I'll get that. Animals store most toxins in their fat, so when eating conventional meat, it's a good idea to pick leaner cuts, and trim as much of the visible fat off as you can. Perhaps this will open some windows for you.

This journal may provide you some good ideas, guidance, or at least inspiration on dealing with your IBS. It was a long journey for Jac, but it seems like she's got her IBS under control and can now focus on weight loss. One of the most poignant parts of her journal was when she realized she needed to heal her gut so her body could get the good nutrition, and now she can focus on weight loss.

[Byakko]

BeckaSki: Thanks a lot for the comment and link. I need as much inspiration as I can get.
It's hard to have this condition and sometimes it's easy to give up and wallow in depression and self-pity.
I'm even more hurt that my body betrays me sometimes but I think if I just take the time to take care of it maybe I can get back a better life in return.

[Byakko]

Sometimes I see first hand the affect of sugar on people.

Earlier I heard my mother exclaiming from the kitchen. She sounded beyond frustrated and I had to eventually ask what the problem was.
The problem was....all the Kool-Aid was gone.
The scary part of it is...I was the culprit. I had drank the last bit. I kept silent. I knew that I was wrong for having drank it, not because I'd deprived my mom from having it but because it was unhealthy! Toxic!

But it had this hold on me, on her, the both of us! I ironically suggested that she drink water but she remained annoyed. I had no business telling her to drink water when I hadn't had any all day myself. In fact today's eating was abysmal. However, I became shocked at my mother's own behavior because she just couldn't be content to drink water since no Kool-Aid or soda or juice was available.

I don't want sugar to have that kind of control over me!
I want to change!
Everyday is a new opportunity to do better and I'll strive to get better.

[Byakko]

Planning...

I realized...unless you eat like this all the time and hunt or grow your own food, I really find it hard to believe anyone can do this easily. You have to plan meals, you have to. And it's still hard because I've never really had to do that outside of breakfast and maybe lunch and I've never had experience dealing with meat. It's always been involved and messy which makes washing dishes not a fun task (since we have no dishwasher.)

But hey! You don't have to plan cereal or oatmeal or Eggo waffles or Pop Tarts or toast! It's there, waiting! Ugh I don't even like to think about these things because it's sad that people can eat so many grains and sugar and the Food Pyramid actually promoted more grains than anything else. Grains are easy.

Eggs are the easiest breakfast item and leftovers are your friend. I'm wary of canned fish because of BPA and a possibility of getting sick from it like I did when I ate a tin of sardines.

Yes I'm complaining because it's a difficult situation I'm in. But I really do want to change. I don't want to have cravings continuing controlling me and I don't want my health to get any worse.

[onalark]

Planning...

I realized...unless you eat like this all the time and hunt or grow your own food, I really find it hard to believe anyone can do this easily.

It's hard at first, easier as you get used to it.

It's even easier if you have everyone in the household on board with it. Omitting the "easy" foods from your fridge and pantry helps. You don't have this advantage, I know.

Not that I think grains are all that "easy", honestly. My dinners used to take an hour easy to make between boiling water for pasta/rice/whatever and making sauces. Very frequently we ate out because I was just too exhausted post-work to consider making us a "full meal" with starches.

I now can get dinner on the table in 20 minutes (grilling cuts of meat is super fast; salad is made while they're grilling), and if I make a little extra I have breakfast or lunch in the bag.

It's all mindset. Sometimes, telling yourself something is "too hard" is what makes it so. Embrace the adventure.