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  1. #701
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    Identifying the Fear

    Primal Fuel
    Good morning MDA friends! Richard - welcome. So glad you are joining us!!!!

    Fear. I mentioned a few days ago that I live my life in fear. Weight loss, relationships, work, pretty much everything is guided in fear. I decided that to live my life fully, I'm going to need to start addressing that fear. Hear are some of my fears (I'll probably be going on about this ad nauseum for awhile).

    Weight loss. I want to lose weight more than almost anything in the world. I signed up, and am paying, pretty decent money to try PN, coupling it with my Paleo/Primal nutrition habits. But, I'm struggling not to jump ahead. I'm struggling to trust the PN system. The whole point of the PN system is to SLOWLY adopt lifelong habits. Yeah, slowly. We started the first two weeks with two little things: a manageable (and introductory) workout and taking a daily multi-vitamin and fish oil supplement. That's it. In my mind, I kept thinking: I should count calories and make this count! Yikes -- I know that for me, calorie counting is NOT (alas) a long term solution (which is not to say that I'm not going to need to decrease what I eat...but I need to learn a different way than calorie/point/carb/other counting). What if it doesn't work? OMG, the world might end. I might not get any closer to my weight loss. What if it's like everything else I've tried? What if it's like Paleo/Primal...I have some success (okay, 20-30 pounds is GREAT success)...but, nowhere near where I want to/need to be? What's wrong with me that I know the answers but can't get things to work?

    I'm scared that life won't be perfect when I lose weight. Go figure - the rational part of me knows this is true. What I mean, though, is that the fat has given me a layer of security. If I do bad at things like bowling (I didn't even score a 50 last weekend on my first round), I can blame it on the fact that I'm overweight. Of course, I'm pretty sure that I'll be a terrible bowler even when I'm thin...but then what will my excuse be? {See where I'm going with this?}

    PN has a competition for monetary prizes for the top transformations (not necessarily pounds lost). Now, I don't think one should try to lose weight solely, or even primarily, for money. But, I've mentally taken myself out of the picture. Why? I don't want to have to call myself a "failure" if I'm not in the running. If I take myself out of the competition, I never have to face the disappointment of failing. But, that also gives me an excuse not to try as hard. {Of course, when I decide I'm going to put myself in the competition, then I want to try and "add" things to the PN system to "guarantee" that I have results...}

    To start addressing my fears, I checked out the following book from the library: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I cannot recommend this book enough. Seriously. I'm going to buy it. It is gold. In two short days, I can already feel my life changing. I'll be posting a lot about it and my journey in the coming days.

    One thing she recommends: taking one small risk each day. This builds confidence. [When she says "risk", she doesn't meaning speeding in your car, maxing your credit cards, etc. She means something you are scared of.] Yesterday, when we went to the gym, I worked out in the middle of the muscle building guys (you know that part of the gym - the hardcore guys (few girls) all congregate). I'm intimidated by them. Me and my (scrawny husband, with our notebook and iPad to the watch the videos. Did it anyway. This morning, I'm going biking with my DH. I haven't been on a bike in 10 years. Each day, I will try something small.

    Quote of the day (Fear Truths):
    1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
    2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
    3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out...and do it.
    4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I'm on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
    -- Susan Jeffers
    -- Ruth

  2. #702
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    WOW, epic post! I can soooo relate. Will be checking that book out of the library!

    I think PN has a fantastic point by making you change tiny things slowly, a big part of my problem is that I want to change it all. But as I look back over all the diets and plans that I have encountered, most of them have left me with one new positive habit. Trying to change too much at once in the end doesn't allow me to keep all of the change.

    love the idea to take a risk every day. I may have to buy the book so DS can read it. He is mazimally risk averse! Congrats on your push through your fears.

    You can do this!
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  3. #703
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    I did it!!!!

    Biking for the first time in 10 years. I had to chant the entire way driving to the path and while I was riding: "I'm a rock star, I'm a rock star, I'm a rock star" and every so often "You've got this, you've got this". DH has the patience of a saint. Even when we were going so slow that runners were passing us, he remained unphased and stayed with me. On the way back, I was able to pick up some speed (because I was a bit more confident) and even pass some of the walkers/joggers. Yay me
    -- Ruth

  4. #704
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    Fantastic! You are so lucky your hubs is patient! When we were in Denmark we went to Skagen, which is a fantastic artsy beach community. We went walking on the beach and I was going very slow because I wanted to find some amber, he totally lost it and left me behind! In an era before cell phones! We ended up catching back up with each other at the hotel just before dinner.

    Congrats on overcoming!
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  5. #705
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    DH is an avid biker. He usually goes 50-75 miles on a Saturday ride. He's been waiting 10 years (hence why I still have a bike) for me to go again. Aside from the fact that he is naturally very patient and kind, he wants so badly for me to enjoy it so that we can do it together, he's extra willing to be patient
    -- Ruth

  6. #706
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    DH and I discovered very early in our relationship that physical activity is not a place where we have common ground. We tried tennis, handball, biking, and hiking all with frustrating results. He is, and always has been, more athletic than I am/was. Plus he is more competitive so I would want to go out and "hit the ball around and generally just move around a bit" he wanted to "win the trophy." With biking, I lived in Florida and spent my life riding bikes with no gears, you know beach type rambling along checking out the guys. He did trail and mountain biking in West Virginia. Same with hiking, I was strolling the beach all day long, he was hiking mountains. We did swing dancing and that worked because I am a better dancer to start with and neither one of us knew how to swing dance. So although he was more athletic I was a slightly faster learner, and this kept us at approximately the same pace. Plus we both loved the music. He is willing to do that again if I could just find some lessons. I have found some but soooo expensive. We did it via Community Ed in Florida, so far not an option here.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  7. #707
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    Ruth, I LOVE that book.

  8. #708
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    Awesome you ROCK STAR you!!! Thrilled for you!
    Karin


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

  9. #709
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    I'm sexy and I know it (maybe)??????

    Incidentally, one of the reasons that I struggle to change my life is my lack of confidence in myself. This is really two-fold: I don't think I'm physically attractive and I don't think I'm smart enough. {Warning - possible TMI ahead}

    I believe this stems from significant mental/emotional abuse from stepdad 1 when I was young. Every single day, he would tell me (over, and over, and over again) how ugly I was, how stupid I was, how useless I was, etc. Some of this was then reinforced at school (kids are mean!). When I moved in with my grandparents, they tried so hard to counteract these thoughts. Actually, if you listened to my grandparents, I was as kind as Mother Theresa, smart as Einstein, and beautiful as Cindy Crawford Similarly, my DH will tell you (and me) how beautiful and smart I am. As far as I can tell, the man clearly believes these things. Yet, I cannot seem to believe them about myself. It's a wonder that I've achieved the success I have with so little confidence.

    Slowly, I've been working to change my own self-perception. When we moved to NM, I decided to "re-invent" myself. I started dressing better - in a way that really flatters my figure. When my grandma passed away, she left me all of her jewelry. [As an aside, my grandma was the BEST role model in this sense. When she was a tiny size 6 or a more full-figured size 16 she always, and I mean always, looked her best. Even in the nursing home, my grandma's hair was styled, she wore nice looking clothes, and lipstick. At my grandpa's funeral, she was in a lather because we hadn't thought to bring a purse or lipstick (we remedied that rather quickly).] I started pairing jewelry with my outfits. Then, I got a really flattering bob haircut. Ironically, it's helped me to feel better about myself. Of course, I STILL have trouble thinking I look "hot"...

    Then, I read the Fear book. While it's not directed at self-confidence, per se, it does does talk a lot about the negative self-chatter that goes on in our head. And, I admit, I have a LOT of that chatter going on. So, starting yesterday, I'm following her suggestion to keep repeating positive mantras to myself. Mine are usually along the lines of "you are a rockstar" [not sure exactly what that means, but I like it for some reason]; "you are fierce", and "you are smokin' hot". I don't know how long it will take to overcome 30 some-odd years of negative perceptions, but I'm bound and determined to make it work!!

    Today's risk: taking care of some of my grandpa's stuff that I've been avoiding.

    My quote of today is part of a PN lesson. This, incidentally, is going to be really hard for me, though the habit is deceptively simple.
    Nutrition scientists at the University of Rhode Island had 30 normal-weight, college-age women come into a laboratory twice for lunch. Each time, the women were offered a huge plate of pasta with tomato-vegetable sauce and grated Parmigiana cheese, plus a glass of water.

    They were asked to eat until the point of comfortable fullness.

    At one visit, the women were told to eat as quickly as they could; during the other visit, they ate slowly and put down their spoons between bites.

    The women didnít know that researchers weighed the food and water before and after the meal to determine the amount consumed. Sneaky!

    Hereís what the study found:

    When eating quickly, the women consumed around 646 calories in about 9 minutes.
    When eating more slowly, they consumed around 579 calories in about 29 minutes.
    They ate 67 more calories in 9 minutes than they did in 29 minutes! Add that up over three meals per day and you can see why thatís a problem.

    And get this: an hour after the meal, the women reported being hungrier after eating quickly, even though they consumed more total calories.


    Finally, here's a recent picture from my cousin's wedding. Not where I ultimately want to be, but definately hot (in more ways than one with the major sunburn)) [do you know how hard it is not to qualify that statement???]
    DSCF2315.jpg
    -- Ruth

  10. #710
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    Oh such a cute couple!! LOVE LOVE the hair and giiirrrrrrl... you ARE a ROCK STAR!!

    Interesting quote.. I think I even had a couple of OMG moments and flashbacks. It explains a lot. I have always been a quick eater.

    I am loving the PN lessons you are sharing.. they truly are thought provoking.
    Karin


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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