Primal Journal (RMS) page 54

[RMS123]

Ooh, spam. How odd, since I haven't posted in awhile

Anyway, the travel was grueling. Since I have several more weeks of it, I'm going to need to figure out how to deal with it better. It's especially challenging when I fly between multiple cities - much more difficult to carry my good "grub" with me.

Next week, I have a team building at home base. We are playing golf. I've never golfed before. I have no (seriously, no) athletic ability. A friend of mine attempted to introduce me to the basics of putt and chip while I was visiting home base this week. He was certain I was faking how bad I was. Nope, really, not so good at that stuff [That's why I walk and lift weights - I can generally do those things okay].

I've been told recently that I can't see the skinny girl in myself. That's very true. Even though I wear between an 8 and 12, I still automatically start pulling out 14s and 16s. The brain has not caught up with me. Also, I think I tend to dress fairly well and hide my trouble spots. My admin assistant was sure I weighed about 140 and couldn't believe I weigh about 160 (extra 5 pounds from my low after all this traveling!). When I told her, she blurted out "you weigh more than I do!" (she's a couple inches taller than me). Yes. That's why I still want to lose another 20 or so pounds

Off to work with the trainer today. That always helps the weekend eating. I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

[demuralist]

wish I could help on the travel ideas, I usually try to find a market or grocery store near by, but then I am usually the companion on work trips.

It is so hard to see ourselves, I really need a photo to see myself. I am not sure why mirrors, seem to lie to me. I look at photos of myself at my high weight and I am aghast. How could I have been so heavy and still thought I looked the same. Then I look in the mirror and still think I look the same! I see photos of myself at my goal weight and honestly don't think I look that much different, till I see a photo of me now.

Now that I think of it, photos may be the answer to keeping me on track. Not so much of me at my heaviest, or even me at my goal weight, but maybe just what I look like this morning, a little reminder of where I am right now to keep me from eating when I am not hungry. mmmm

[athomeontherange]

Ooh, spam. How odd, since I haven't posted in awhile

Anyway, the travel was grueling. Since I have several more weeks of it, I'm going to need to figure out how to deal with it better. It's especially challenging when I fly between multiple cities - much more difficult to carry my good "grub" with me.

Next week, I have a team building at home base. We are playing golf. I've never golfed before. I have no (seriously, no) athletic ability. A friend of mine attempted to introduce me to the basics of putt and chip while I was visiting home base this week. He was certain I was faking how bad I was. Nope, really, not so good at that stuff [That's why I walk and lift weights - I can generally do those things okay].

I've been told recently that I can't see the skinny girl in myself. That's very true. Even though I wear between an 8 and 12, I still automatically start pulling out 14s and 16s. The brain has not caught up with me. Also, I think I tend to dress fairly well and hide my trouble spots. My admin assistant was sure I weighed about 140 and couldn't believe I weigh about 160 (extra 5 pounds from my low after all this traveling!). When I told her, she blurted out "you weigh more than I do!" (she's a couple inches taller than me). Yes. That's why I still want to lose another 20 or so pounds

Off to work with the trainer today. That always helps the weekend eating. I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Do not what she said deter you..you also lift weights..better than being thin is being strong and healthy

[RMS123]

Yesterday was an intense workout, but I made it. We have another one today...and I'm tired. I'm not used to all this travel anymore - seems to really tire me out.

I have nothing to wear for the golf outing next weekend. Tried on stuff last night. 12s too big. 10s a bit too snug. Sigh....... Clothing!!!

I finally asked DH if we could get rid of the chocolate for awhile. Usually, it doesn't tempt me in the least. Right now, since I can't seem to get my body "right", it tempts me too much. He's a good man. Chocolate is gone. Wish I could get the fruit out of the house...just for a week or two...but that's asking too much right now. Oh, well.

[athomeontherange]

Stress less..stress is bad for weighloss. What about checking out a consignment shop for something to west?

[RMS123]

Great minds think alike. I'm headed to Goodwill today At least if it's a little big, I won't feel that I wasted $ since I won't have spent much!

[athomeontherange]

Great minds think alike. I'm headed to Goodwill today At least if it's a little big, I won't feel that I wasted $ since I won't have spent much!

Whoohoo! Payday I think I might too

[RMS123]

I just posted in Paula's journal thoughts I was going to post here. For past 3 weeks or so, I've been sabotaging myself. Sometimes very clearly -- chocolate (not even the high-quality stuff -- just some soy/dairy free stuff that's probably got tons of crap since it has neither of those things) -- and sometimes less directly with non-optimal primal foods including fruit, dried fruit, and nuts.

Here's the ironic thing - I had just come back from a trip feeling fantastic about myself. Everyone -- including the former CEO of my company -- commented on GREAT I looked. I was 10-15 pounds from my goal weight (the most likely realistic weight - though I had planned to see if I could dip a bit lower). Not only was I looking good, I was feeling really good.

And, what did I do? I derailed myself. It's like a cycle. I eat well for a few days, start the downward weight trend, and then eat sub-optimally again. Why do I do this to myself? Why? I'm wondering if subconsciously I don't want to be thin? Maybe I think it's too hard. Or, that I won't be able to maintain it? I'm not really sure.

What do know is this. Aside from wanting to look great (because I really do), I want to be healthy and feel wonderful. I want to keep up with my husband. I don't want to be held back from activities because I (think) I'm too overweight to do things. I'm going to try and take things one day, one meal, one hour at a time. I need to focus on the here and now. Not later, not tomorrow. No zoning out while I'm eating. No obsessing about a stupid number on a scale.

I'm also going to try some Shad Helmstetter Self-Talk audios. I think my low-self-esteem is rearing its ugly head. I pretend a lot that I'm a confident person (and this actually helps me believe it), but I don't think I've truly tackled those issues.

Here's to a good, healthy, nourishing eating day. I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!!

[Pebbles67]

Very well said Ruth. I will look up those self talk audios. I know that my problem is similar. I have always failed eventually. I am actually afraid of what would happen if I did get to goal. Will I be happy with myself? What if I am not?

[demuralist]

must be the weather! or just life. I tend toward doing really well then right as I hat a new low mark or come very close, I let go a little bit, just enough to start back up. I personally think it has as much to do with the body balance as it does psychology. At least for me, because it happens whether or not I am paying attention to the scale.