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  1. #3361
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    Tired, tired, tired. Something is for sure up. All I want to do is sleep. I'm just completely exhausted, all the time. Will monitor and see if this gets better. The boys are worried, DH is worried.

    Lifted weights on Friday. I am SO very out of shape. Was inspired by Krisa Varady's study that showed with EOD and exercise, her participants did not lose muscle, just fat. I was told I have excellent form, so there must be some muscle memory. The scale was up 3.4, after a fasting day, which I'm suspecting is inflammation, given how badly I hurt

    Trying to work on cleaning and organizing. Yuck. Finally doing some projects we talked about doing for 6 months...........

  2. #3362
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    Just read an article about fresh ginger tea daily as an anti inflammatory. I pinned a recipe. Worth a try.

    Any chance with the weight gain that you have sleep apnea?

    If the work out didn't improve your sleep and thus decrease your level of exhaustion, I would consider putting it off. Didn't Varaday's studies also show that 10,000 steps made a positive difference in weight loss with her ADF?
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

  3. #3363
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    Quick update. Some day I'll come back and give more detail. Always I have much to say, but I'm too tired and lazy to type it out.

    Weight loss - "lost" 3 pounds after a month of ADF, only have them come back and now they don't want to go away. Sigh. BUT, I know that Chris kept trying and working and trying and working and now look at her go. I just have to keep trying. At least I didn't gain any weight, which is a good thing, considering this crazy exhaustion thing I have going on.

    Exhaustion - better, but still here. I'm just trying to rest.

    Gym - going well. I'm WEAK, weak, weak, but hey, gotta start somewhere. It makes me feel good to work on being strong and I go with my boys. Win/win. Makes me feel no more or less exhausted, so I keep at it. Must add walking so I can at least try to go hiking in Hawaii next year.

    Sick - Middle guy got sick and now I'm sick. Neither of us can shake it. I took him to the urgent care (he has asthma, so I'm a bit of an over-protective mom), but they said he sounded ok. Guess it just has to run its course.

    ADF - DDs were incredibly easy...until I decided I wasn't losing any weight. I took many days off and now I'm trying to get back at it. Starting TODAY. These go better when I have sufficient protein on my UDs. I made a big pot roast (I'm the only one in the family who likes it) for lunches on my UDs this week.

    Being a mom - can't think that there is honestly anything better, except being a wife. Feeling pretty content.

    Work - well, I keep at it. I do limit to 20 hours/week, which no one thought was going to be possible. Would quit if I could, but know it gives DH a measure of security AND allows us to do more vacations/etc. Still, trying to teach my boys about saving for what you want and that $ doesn't grow on trees.

    Cleaning - working on baseboards and miniblinds today. Ick.

  4. #3364
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    today is a down day for me as well. I am going zero calories until at least 2:30, but trying for 4:30, then I will have a nice smoothie, but save some calories for an iced coffee or at least tea with coconut milk at the end of the night.

    I was talking to my BFF about how my weight loss is now noticeable, I am 50 pounds down from my high 3 years ago. I had lost the first 20lbs the four months I was doing Atkins. Then I joined here and well, you know how that has been going. So essentially it has taken me almost exactly 3 years to lose this second 25ish, but this last burst in which I lost the 25ish (again) has been since February, just after my dad's funeral. But if you could look at my graph (I don't know if you can access it from MFP or not, but if you can it is my UpDay Weight one that tells the story) you can see it is an incredibly bumpy ride down the scale. I had gotten down to 247 by the first week of December, but was up to 264 when I got back from the funeral 2 months later.

    I cannot ascertain a consistent pattern on how to make my DD's easier, some are easy some are hard, but USUALLY the one right after 2 UD's in a row is the hardest, and the 3rd one in the week is the easiest.

    If you are sick you should be wearing a mask to protect you from the dust of the baseboards and mini-blinds.

    I am thinking that it sounds like things are smoothing out with you and DH, glad to hear it.

    Yep, momhood is pretty spectacular!
    Last edited by demuralist; 09-07-2014 at 11:49 AM.

  5. #3365
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    Yes, things really are better with DH. Obviously, not perfect, but we are so much more on the same page. A lot of it was me really working on it -- supporting him in front of the boys (even when I think he's flat out dumb), nixing any subtle triangulation immediately and firmly, and then doing some small nice things for DH. It's made a world of difference.

    Super duper duper productive yesterday and today.
    * Purged, organized, and cleaned (mostly) laundry room.
    * Cleaned all downstairs baseboards (except the ones behind the china cabinet, tv, and piano).
    * Cleaned all downstairs miniblinds.
    * Cleaned the stove.
    * Cleaned the microwave.
    * Cleaned all counters, including the stuff that lives on the counters.
    * Cleaned window seals.
    * Finished cleaning/organizing my office.
    * Hung picture frame with boys pictures.
    * Completed laundry, including folding and putting it all away.

    Difficult day in motherhood. Lies from my oldest and working through those issues. Love that boy. Trust is hard, especially given his past. Youngest guy is failing most of his classes. I think we're going to have to pull him from football (and/or, he's about to be dropped with these grades). Not exactly sure how to help him. Mostly, he just doesn't do his work in class. Big sigh there.

    On another note, I had always had this prejudice that most men do not treat women well (this is from my past, not necessarily my present). Pish. Girls these days... The way they treat my boys is terrible. They lie. They cheat. They've probably always been this way, but I just wasn't so aware of it.

    I didn't even take a nap today. Not sure I'll be functional tomorrow, but was pleased with today. Now, if dinner would just cook itself......................

  6. #3366
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    Regarding your youngest and classwork. I was really poor at doing the work in class or out of it.............because it did not challenge me. Possibility with your youngest?
    Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

  7. #3367
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    You sound busy and happy. How lovely.

  8. #3368
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    wow! you see, you get at least as much accomplished in a day as I do, really more so!

    Yep, Boo stopped doing what he considered unnecessary work in school in his junior year. Lucky for him he managed to keep his grades up because he aced the tests. He said that he was being given busy work and could not be bothered. Very frustrating. His dad was riding my butt to ride Boo's butt. grrr. Every time Boo would say he could not be bothered, I just would say "do you want fries with that?". Not sure what knocked him out of it, but something did. Wish I had a solution for you.

    I suspect his grades will knock him off the team, you won't have to do the dirty deed. Any chance he needs tutors and just doesn't want to admit it?

    eek on the lies. I am no help there either, sorry.

  9. #3369
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    This was me today.

    I’m embarrassed to admit where I was this morning. I woke up and decided that I had been rejected. My core, my essence, my spirit, ultimately rejected by my boys. They don't love me. They don't trust me. And, maybe they don't even like me... (No, this isn't reality, but it’s most certainly how I felt.) I wallowed in bed. I didn't get up when I usually do. I thought about staying in bed – not because I was going to go back to sleep. Nope. I wanted to see if my boys missed me in the morning. If they loved me. If they would be concerned about me. And I don’t really like that about me. Actually, I don’t like the fact that I have these deep, untended-to issues.

    'Cause here’s the thing. I love them so much it hurts. I have never had biological children, but I do not think that anyone can convince me that I could love any kids more than I love these guys. They are my sons. Not biologically, to be sure, but sons of my heart. I would seriously die for them. I would take and absorb their pain if I could.

    And so why did I feel that way? It’s the big things and the small things combined. My boys don’t call me mom. Sure, they introduce me as their mom, but they don’t call me mom. And, yeah, this feels like rejection. They don’t trust me on a lot of levels. They lie to me. They don’t want me to help them. And even when they do, at times, it seems like I fail them there. I can't seem to help them. I feel like a failure. Like I’m not good enough.

    And there’s the small things. They don’t like what I cook for dinner. Dinner was too hot. Or not spicy enough. Or, whatever it is that day... Why do they have to go to bed so early. I don’t understand them. I don’t trust them. They don’t have privacy. They don’t like the way I sing in the car (okay, I know this is a valid point, but still). They won’t let me take many pictures of them (don’t know why, but this one really bothers me) No, they don’t say this all the time. They don’t even say any of these things in a mean spirit or rudely. And it isn't just one of them. And it isn't all the time.

    But then I started thinking (and this is where it gets dangerous).

    • At the heart of the matter, this is all really about me. Has little to do with my boys. I have (rather major) rejections issues myself. I have self-esteem issues. And, really, I don't want to have to deal with ME. 'Cause isn't this all about my boys???
    • I have these issues despite massive amounts of support. Seriously. I have a husband who supports me, loves me, thinks I'm beautiful, regardless of my weight. Regardless of the fact that I’m bossy, mean, always-right, controlling, and did I mention mean? Our marriage is by no means perfect (many of you know how hard we've been struggling for the last 5 months or so), but I’m amazingly supported. I have a small handful of REALLY good friends. They would do anything for me. They listen patiently and often. My boys’ therapist listens to me and helps me work on me, so I can be a better mom. I have this group. And XXX lets me text her all the time. She even answers me back If I struggle with this much support, to ADMIT my issues, let alone deal with them, how hard must it be for our kiddos to do the same thing?
    • I have rejection issues and I do know why. I should be over them right? But I’m not. And I somehow, deep down, expect my kids to be. Yet, let’s look at the life my boys have led. I’m pretty sure they had some icky situations growing up. No matter how we skin the cat, their parents basically abandoned them (and, I’m not judging here, because I don’t know what led them to that place). They have immediate family that loves them dearly, but just wasn't able to take custody of them. They lived with the same amazing and loving foster family for 4 years, but were never adopted by them. They had two adoption possibilities that did not work out. And let’s not even talk about what is probably going on at school. And I’m upset because they don’t love and trust me as if I had carried them happily in utero and raised them for their entire lives??? I expect after 6-7 MONTHS (not years) that they are magically going to know my love and be confident that it will last – no matter what they throw at me and no matter how much of their authentic self they start to show?
    • My feelings today were largely the result of small, rather insignificant, “complaints”. I have to wonder, though, am I the same way to my boys, to my spouse? Most days, with subtlety and the best intentions, picking at them? You didn't do your homework, you were cheating, why do you wear your hat that way, you didn't get all the crumbs picked up, why are you not doing well in school, your room is a mess, etc? Subtly and unconsciously picking at their beautiful and unique spirits and selves?
    • Do our kids need us to continue to woo them, chase them down, and show our love, even at their worst? After a few days of what I perceived negative comments, I know I wanted them to notice me. To send me a text and ask me what's wrong. Yet, this morning, I was almost willing to hide in my room, ignoring them, possibly causing them needless worry, because I was hurt. Do they too react in a similar fashion?
    • Am I missing, and minimizing, the amazing strides we've made as a family, looking for what I don’t have yet instead of the bounty I do have? I’m in the unique situation that not only did we choose our boys, they CHOSE us. They could have said “no”. They were is a good, secure, safe, and loving place. They took a chance on us, even as we assured them that they could remain foster kids and they would still be our kids. After all that they've been through, they firmly and definitely chose to be part of our family. To be adopted by US. And still I want more, more, more? What is enough and on what timeline is it sufficient? Yeah, it’s not where I want it to be, but where we are is actually pretty darned awesome.

    And, so, after all this, I’m finally feeling better. Sorta. Though it's hard to admit I have these issues. That I have ugly feelings. That I get jealous and tired and feel insecure. I have a lot to work on inside of me. I had always hoped that maybe I could help heal a small part of my boys’ beautiful spirit. What if, though, they are helping to heal me?

  10. #3370
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    Thank you for sharing.

    A number of years back, I was having issues. A dear uncle's passing triggered it. In the end, I had to take medication to help get me back to balanced. What I learned during this time, was that I was sleep deprived, my body had forgotten how to get into deep sleep (babies and stress). I had to take medications to re-learn it. It took almost 2 years. So obviously I wonder if you have a similar issue or possibly a chemical imbalance.

    Having said that, I have seen situations in which (and I know this isn't the same, but it kinda is) ministers came into the youth group who had not had children of their own at that age. It is very difficult to come in cold and know what is typical, what you should worry about, what you should let go of, if you have not sort of gone the distance from the beginning. I cannot imagine how difficult it has to be.

    If I can offer any advice (and of course it is worth exactly what you paid for it) I would suggest you 1.pick your battles and 2.force yourself to see at least one positive thing for every negative that you spot.

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