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Thread: Primal Journal (RMS) page 201

  1. #2001
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    athomeontherange is offline Senior Member
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    Wow.. there is a lot of thought here.

    The adoption process takes time as in time for kids to adjust to you and their surroundings. Not being able to take FML would be tough. Although, hours at your current job are very hard to be conducive to having a family. I can see this is a tough choice to ponder. Is there any chance is renegotiating your current job expectations?
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  2. #2002
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    Why would you have to start over with your retirement? Can you not roll what you've saved into your new job's plan or an IRA?

  3. #2003
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    Beware that adopting older kids means that they have likely been through a ton of crap and you are not told about much/ most of it! I was amazed at the stuff we were not told that ultimately caused our adoption of our daughters brother to fail. This will be much tougher than you realize because we all figure a good home with stable parents is enough, but some kids have just been too damaged. Not trying to scare you away at all, just be prepared for lots of therapy appointments and calls from school. Some situations require almost a stay at home parent. While people understand what an infant requires, a struggling kid, well not so much. I wish all the best to you on an adventure that truly will change all of your lives in ways you never dreamed!

  4. #2004
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    thinking about you, and will respond when I am mentally more alert (ie in the morning).

  5. #2005
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    And the offer came today. I have asked them to give me until Monday. Decisions, decisions....

  6. #2006
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    I think i am going to go with the gist of what Mudflinger said on this. Having had the gift of being a stay at home mom I will say that even when the kids are staying out of trouble, teenagers can be a full time job. Mine didn't have cars so just getting them to all the places they needed to be took up quite a bit of time. Now I am not complaining because it meant I was there when the events just occurred and was much more likely to get the play by play because they were still excited. Then of course there is all the PTA and volunteering, and there is more to clean and cook and the clothes and last minute stuff they forgot to mention. Rats I am feeling nostalgic and my youngest is not quite out yet😢.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  7. #2007
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    You know, DH does not understand how I can spend so much time talk on the web with y'all. Honestly, though, my MDA internet friends are so awesome. I can express all of my feelings, judgement free, and then you all take the time to offer thoughtful (and very helpful) comment. Sigh. Feeling very blessed

    In terms of some of the questions above. Retirement: I am vested and could easily move my 401k. What I lose is my pension (yeah, those don't really exist anymore!). I came in the last year they offered the pension and the new place doesn't offer one (and, with the pension, years of service are important). Anyway, not the biggest thing, but my retirement fund doesn't look near the way I need it to

    Neither the current job nor the new job will ever be all that manageable (it's the industry and the specific group (regulatory) that causes this to be the nature of the job). When the government says you shall file, well, you shall file. Everyone seems to have a knowledge/personnel gap, so that's likely to happen anywhere.

    Mud Flinger - thank you SO much for your input. In my mind, I keep thinking bringing home older kids is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. When we first started this, I figured that kids would be happy to have a loving home and we'd be happy to have kids. I spent a lot of time reading adoption forums and adoption blogs...wow, was that an eye-opener. So much so that I put the breaks on considering foster adoption for 6-8 months. After much prayer, though, I think it's something we want to do. I can't say we're prepared...I'm not sure how you could be unless you've lived it. I might cry and complain on here about how I've ruined my life. Yet, I still feel as though we're called to do this. So, forward we go.

    Maybe, with that framework, though, being a housewife makes some sense. If I am truly going to consider it, then I would lean toward just keeping my current job. No use upsetting the apple cart if I may leave in 6-12 months. Lots to think about.

    My current boss gave me a counter offer. It's actually pretty good. The other job tempts me.

    Thank you, dear friends. [Alas, this will probably consume my journal through the weekend This is a good place for me to write out my thoughts and organize myself.]

  8. #2008
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    Its a safe place to lay it all out and I think typing it out helps to organize the thoughts.

    There really is no way to prepare for children being added to you life no matter how they come. You do the best you can and prepare to be flexible, open to change, and ready to learn. Consider it a grand adventure.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  9. #2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by RMS123 View Post

    In terms of some of the questions above. Retirement: I am vested and could easily move my 401k. What I lose is my pension (yeah, those don't really exist anymore!). I came in the last year they offered the pension and the new place doesn't offer one (and, with the pension, years of service are important). Anyway, not the biggest thing, but my retirement fund doesn't look near the way I need it to
    Do you lose the pension or just the new contributions that contribute to growth? I ask because had I not quit my job, moved to another state, and cashed in my PERS pension, to fund a down payment on our first house, it still would have grown and at a very good guaranteed rate.

  10. #2010
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    I do have to look into it...I seem to remember it just goes away.

    I'm terrified at the thought of quitting my job. What if I'm not a good a good mom? My job is what has defined me for a long time. I know I'm good at it. What if we need the money? Maybe I won't be able to find another job. Sigh. Fear sucks.

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