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  1. #501
    sbhikes's Avatar
    sbhikes is offline Senior Member
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    My boyfriend is disintegrating.

    He got blood tests today and the office called him concerned about one of his white blood cell counts being extremely low. They were worried it indicated leukemia or auto-immune disease. I'm sure it's auto-immune disease because of the horrible IBS I hear in the bathroom all the time. I'm sure his gut is shredded from a lifetime of sugar and white flour and god knows what food insensitivities. Anyway, it pisses me off he just wallows in self-pity about stuff like this so I handed him the Paleo Diet book opened to the chapter on auto-immune and told him he should at least fucking READ what he rejects immediately as being total bullshit. At least know what you are against. And what the heck would it hurt you to try seeing if you do have hidden food allergies. It costs nothing, you can try it, see if you feel better and if so, take your health into your own hands. I took my health into my own hands and feel young for the first time in my whole life. I tried eliminating eggs and my chronic post nasal drip is gone. You never know what hidden food insensitivities you have. It's worth taking a little effort to rule this out and not just turn immediately to drugs and surgery and all the side-effects and expense they have. It costs nothing to see if you are allergic to tomatoes, or whatever. I told him all this.

    He was going to have a heart procedure done on Wednesday so now he's all upset he has to cancel it. His heart beats out of order sometimes and they can electrocute a portion of his heart to kill the part that causes the irregular beat so he was going to have that done. It's called an ablation or something. Now he feels he has to cancel it because of his white blood cells.

    God, he's exactly the person that Phil Maffetone or Mark Sisson could help. He's the classic case. But he gets all tight lipped, clench-jawed, narrow-eyed at any suggestion. Just turns me off, gets all mean and cynical and vicious and sneers at me, "Thank you, Doctor Soini."

    I'm not sure I want to wipe his ass in a few years when he's totally fallen apart. Maybe it's time to find my own place and enjoy my new-found youth and vitality without some geezer clinging to his sugar and wheat and statins weighing me down. I mean, it's horrible of me for not feeling supportive of him and his new diagnosis or whatever you want to call it. I can't feel supportive of someone who won't even read what he's adamantly opposed to.
    Last edited by sbhikes; 09-07-2012 at 06:20 PM.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Heaviest squat: 180 x 2. Heaviest Deadlift: 230 x 2

  2. #502
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    SB, I can totally understand why it's difficult to be supportive. I'd have a hard time, too, if I was in your situation (and I've read some of your other issues with him.) Maybe considering being on your own is a good idea.

    My first husband (we divorced a gazillion years ago) was the same way, very bullheaded about what he "knew" was right, including his (lack of) a healthy lifestyle. He was constantly complaining about how "old" he was, even when he was in his 20s, and how bad he felt all the time... by now (28 years later) he's had several heart attacks, is at least 40 pounds overweight, and looks 15 years older than he really is. His current wife pretty much has to take care of him like he's a spoiled child. I am SO glad I'm not saddled with him.

    And maybe your seriousness about not ending up as his caretaker would jolt some sense into him.

  3. #503
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    A tough decision to make. Maybe try taking a little trip on your own and see if you like being alone more than you like being with him? That would be a good way to know if you're doing the right thing for you.

    It does seem that the two of you have a lot of disagreements. I certainly couldn't live with someone that I was always at odds with.

  4. #504
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    Yeah, drive down to San Diego for a weekend. We could have a Primal feast, run sprints on the beach, go for a backcountry hike. Just give yourself some breathing room to get your thoughts straight.

  5. #505
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    That would be nice. I really don't want to leave him. But I guess it's not right to want him to change, either. I don't want to be poor and alone again, either. It really sucks. Being alone is okay, but being poor and alone sucks.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Heaviest squat: 180 x 2. Heaviest Deadlift: 230 x 2

  6. #506
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    My boyfriend is disintegrating.

    I'm not sure I want to wipe his ass in a few years when he's totally fallen apart.
    I'm thinking of you, sb. In a nice way, just so you know. Sigh. I get some of what you mean. I have a close relative I feel the same way about - tough to get along with, falling apart, won't open the mind even a teeny tiny crack to consider other options (because, like, nobody knows better than a DOCTOR, right?!), totally the spoiled brat man-child being catered to by his wife (whom is martyring herself on his care)... and I refuse to wipe his ass if I should get asked to. It concerned me to the point that Mr. Crabbcakes and I have already had war room discussions about the eventuality that we would get asked to take this person in, which I totally see coming.

    Don't feel bad about getting/being healthier and stronger and wanting more out of life. I had to learn that I deserve it. Actually, I am still learning. I'm glad that Mr. Crabbcakes isn't threatened by change or growth from his woman - bodes well for our future together, because I have plans to eventually become completely awesome, and that means he is gonna' have some adjusting to do.

    I second the motion that you take off and see Paleobird. Really - go and be Primally awesome together. Hugs.

  7. #507
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    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    I have nothing to add, but a hug. So have at it.

    Ah, a friend related that she was told in therapy (going through her own marriage break up) that men expect women to stay the same (and they don't) while women expect men to change (and they don't). You've done a lot of changing, from what I gather...
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard! 3D printed miniatures for sci-fi RPGs.

  8. #508
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    Throwing my hugs on the pile.

  9. #509
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    I don't know what I'd do in your situation, but I hope you can find a solution.
    5' 9" 44 YO F
    PB start June 2, 2012
    Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)


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  10. #510
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    Sorry to hear about your situation SB. It must be incredibly frustrating to have taken control of your life while your partner is wallowing in self pity. He obviously does not respect your opinion for some reason or is so blinded by his own issues that he is incapable of taking control of his health. Not much that I can suggest except have faith in your ability to survive on your own, take a few days to spend with Paleobird and gain some perspective.

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