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  1. #1
    Dan208's Avatar
    Dan208 is offline Senior Member
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    Dealing with difficult family members.

    Primal Fuel
    I'll try not to ramble on too much here.

    Anyway, my wife's immediate family is, for a lack of a better term, trashy. My wife has never really been that close to her younger sister. Over the past several years things have gotten a lot more tense between them. Her sister is an instigator and truly enjoys putting people down. It's disgusting. She constantly makes comments when they are all together that she (my wife) isn't wanted there, comments on my wife's weight and looks although she's no beauty queen herself, etc, etc. Of course my mother-in-law and wife's older sister just blow it off as nothing, just "Jessica being Jessica". She's started saying things about our daughter and how she's way too emotional and things like that. Pretty pathetic that you have to attack a 5 year old. She doesn't say things about her around me, however, because she knows I'll rip her f@cking head off.

    The final straw came this past week when my wife sent an email to her family members with a list of what our daughter was wanting for Christmas. Her sister replied back, very snotty, about how she has no money because she's in graduate school, blah, blah, blah, but I can guarantee that she'll be getting presents for their older sister's kids (she'll probably give them to them when we aren't around). There is favortism there and it's quite obvious.

    My wife decided that we won't be spending Thanksgiving with them this year as we've done for the past 15 years (we've never been to a Thanksgiving as a couple with my dad's side of the family).

    The problem is that we rely on her mother to watch our daughter on Mondays when we both are at work. Her mom is, also for a lack of a better term, bat-shit crazy. Their house is appalling both inside and out. Honestly, both of us would rather have a stranger watch her, but the way things are right now with our work schedules and preschool, it's pretty hard to find someone to watch her (we live in a very small community). Anyway, my wife doesn't want to piss her mom off because we do depend on her to watch our daughter. I know she wouldn't ever do anything to her, but she's made the comment before that if we were to have another child she wouldn't be able to watch both of them. I don't now why, because she doesn't work and is basically a hermit. Another thing is she makes Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly look like left-wingers (not that that's really relevant, just thought I'd throw it in there).

    That's pretty much the condensed version. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just venting, I just know I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading and if anyone does have some advice, feel free to share.

  2. #2
    DaisyEater's Avatar
    DaisyEater is offline Senior Member
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    I'd ask around your daughter's preschool to see if some of the other parents have arrangements. Maybe there's a spot open with one of their babysitters. I don't think I'd want a hostile, bat-shit crazy woman watching my kid. Then you can scale your relationship with them to your comfort level. She is still your wife's mother and she has done well by you watching your child. I can see not really wanting to see her every week, though.

  3. #3
    Dan208's Avatar
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    The problem is that we both leave town at 4:00 in the morning. I'm not too sure of many people willing to watch kids that early. And don't get me wrong, we are grateful that she does watch her, but the situation seems to be going into a very quick nosedive.

    My wife finishes school this spring and will then HOPEFULLY be able to work remotely, so that will help things tremendously.

  4. #4
    Catherine's Avatar
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    wow reading that i thought maybe you were a long lost relative! I have a batshit crazy mother (lib tho, not conversative) that my brother has to sometimes rely on for kid stuff. But since she smokes, they try not to call on her very much. Plus she doesn't like to deal with the kids anyway and is all passive aggressive about it then she wonders why the kids don't even really know who she is! That's pretty much how we all grew up. Damn.

    anyway, i don't have any suggestions except hope you get thru this.

  5. #5
    Dan208's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catherine View Post
    wow reading that i thought maybe you were a long lost relative! I have a batshit crazy mother (lib tho, not conversative) that my brother has to sometimes rely on for kid stuff. But since she smokes, they try not to call on her very much. Plus she doesn't like to deal with the kids anyway and is all passive aggressive about it then she wonders why the kids don't even really know who she is! That's pretty much how we all grew up. Damn.

    anyway, i don't have any suggestions except hope you get thru this.
    Thanks. I guess we're not the only ones that have to deal with crap like this. My MIL smokes also and I hate our daughter being around it.

  6. #6
    Zophie's Avatar
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    Yes, I thought you could be related to me too! Sadly, I think the holidays bring out the worst in a lot of people. This year I am having Thanksgiving at my house and only inviting some of the relatives. I know I will catch crap for it but I just can't take another "Nice Family dinner".

    I don't have any good advice for you... here is a (((hug))) and good luck.

  7. #7
    stephlowen's Avatar
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    We aren't all related, are we? Another one with a batshit crazy mother... thankfully I moved to TX and she still lives in PA so it is very easy to regulate the time that we spend together.

    No good advice here but just wanted to wish you luck.

  8. #8
    HillsideGina's Avatar
    HillsideGina is offline Senior Member
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    If you deal with family members, you must take them as they are - people don't change easily. So if you are depending on your Mom-in-law for childcare - just suck it up. Be extra nice to her, since she is doing you a favor. Everyone has choices. The only thing that matters is how she treats your child - everything else - her neatness, political views, etc. are irrelevant. So if you boil it down to the positives, you might not complain.
    Positively Radical Pigeonholes are for Pigeons!

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